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to think this isn't a good friendship and ask for advice as to how best to get out of it?

(57 Posts)
WestieMamma Fri 19-Jul-13 23:51:07

I have AS and really struggle with social interactions. I've never really had a friend before and find it difficult to judge what is normal.

I made friends with another English speaker in the very small town we both live in. However I'm beginning to suspect that she only wants to be my friend when she wants something (usually dog sitting).

In the past 12 months I've had her young, bouncey, incredibly hard work, dog stay for 3 weeks when she went home due to a family bereavement, a week when she went on holiday, approx 20 separate days when she's been gone all day, several overnights while she was in hospital due to pregnancy complications, 1 week after the birth so her partner could stay at the hospital with her, 2 weeks so they could be with her BIL who was terminally ill.

My husband asked her to have our old, lazy, sleeps all day, small dog once, when I went into labour so he could be at the hospital with me. She refused.

A couple of weeks after my baby was born she asked if we could have the dog again just overnight as she wanted to go with her partner to a 'thing' in memory of now deceased BIL. The dog is crackers and I couldn't cope with it and a new baby so instead sent my husband round there 3 times both days to feed/water/walk the beast. Then I found out I'd been deceived. The 'thing' which was implied was some sort of memorial service was a day out at the big annual festival in the town where BIL lived. My husband would probably have still walked the dog for her, but now it felt like we were being manipulated so I've backed off a bit.

So I got invited over for tea yesterday as she hasn't seen me in ages. I went and it was really nice and she was lovely and I felt guilty about doubting her. Earlier this evening I got a message from her asking if I can have the dog for a fortnight in September as they're going home for 2 weeks.

Is she taking the piss? Or am a being a cow by not wanting to help my friend?

gnittinggnome Sat 20-Jul-13 09:46:49

She doesn't sound like a friend at all, and whilst you don't need to be confrontational about it (to avoid stress in the future) just gently ease yourself out of her life. And definitely change your FB settings. And let your nearest and dearest know that she is not your mate.

Good luck! And you will gradually find more people to be friends with - it took me a while before I found the right group when I lived overseas, but there will be more likeminded people there to find and enjoy life with!

CrapBag Sat 20-Jul-13 10:47:52

Wow, total piss taker. Sorry but she just wants you for dog sitting. The lie would have really pushed me too far plus the contacting my family. If she can't look after her dog then she shouldn't have it or put it in kennels.

Tell her you won't be doing it again as you can't cope with her dog. I strongly suspect that you won't hear from her.

speedyboots Sat 20-Jul-13 10:56:10

Good for you! Agree with all the previous posters - she is taking the piss and you have done the right thing. Just wanted to add, make sure your family knows not to trust anything she says so they aren't getting manipulated too.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sat 20-Jul-13 20:29:07

How are you doing, Westie - has she been back in contact?

saintlyjimjams Sat 20-Jul-13 20:31:47

She rang your daughter shock

KittensoftPuppydog Sat 20-Jul-13 21:41:58

Good for you. She sounds ghastly.

Somethingtothinkabout Sat 20-Jul-13 23:01:06

Good for you! She is totally taking the piss, I had a friend like her once. I managed to phase her out and never looked back.

What a cow!

Well done OP. Be strong! If she texts back asking why just keep repeating "sorry, I can't help, it doesn't suit me".

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