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to think he needs to grow up

(105 Posts)
opilo Fri 19-Jul-13 22:15:12

Have namechanged because I might be excommunicated if my family found out I was posting about this

My brother has finished university this year and is currently looking for a job. He has had 4 interviews in the last couple of weeks and unfortunately he got all 4 rejections in the space of a hour this morning. Since this apparantly he has hidden in his room all day crying. My sister sat and held him for 2 hours whilst I was there tonight until he went to sleep. I said he needs to grow up and not be so thin skinned and that this might be holding him back as no employer wants someone so mentally weak. My sister went ballistic and told be to STFU and that I'm a heartless bitch who will destroy any self belief he has left.

AIBU to think that he needs to accept he is now 21 yo and take a major reality check accepting that in the current climate he is going to have accept rejection when it comes to jobs and not blub for hours on end to his 26yo sister.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Fri 19-Jul-13 22:15:54

YABU. Stop being a bitch.

HarryTheHungryHippo Fri 19-Jul-13 22:17:20


Pigsmummy Fri 19-Jul-13 22:17:23

What Amy said

Bogeyface Fri 19-Jul-13 22:17:38

To be fair, at 21 having just finished Uni, this is likely to be the first time that he has experienced this.

Most people are born thin skinned and then grow a thicker hide as they age. I remember that I used to be very sensitive to things when I was that age that just roll off me now.

I think that your sister may have a point.

Bogeyface Fri 19-Jul-13 22:18:30

And 4 rejections in one hour? That would bring anyone down, especially in the current climate of knowing that there are hardly any jobs.

MurderOfGoths Fri 19-Jul-13 22:18:33

Yeah, YABU. Rejections are hard, especially when they all come at once. It's pretty crushing. Glad he's got one nice sister.

jkklpu Fri 19-Jul-13 22:18:40

It must have been awful getting all those rejections at once. However, yabu to think he needs to act like a responsible adult if he wants to be treated like one.

Tell him it's fantastic that he got to the interview stage for so many jobs at once and that he's had all that interview practice. Suggest that he email to ask if he can talk to HR/someone on the i-v panel to ask for some more specific feedback to help him next time around. That's the grown-up way to respond once he's had a day to mope.

needaholidaynow Fri 19-Jul-13 22:19:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FadedSapphire Fri 19-Jul-13 22:19:18

Poor lad. He is having the stuffing knocked out of him. Perhaps try to empathise and be kinder.

Flobbadobs Fri 19-Jul-13 22:20:31

He had a shitty day and got it all out on the shoulder of his supportive sister. Give him a break, anyone would weep at 4 rejections in an hour! I bloody would, I'm nearly 40 and in no way mentally weak!
YABU. Tomorrows another day. If you want to help him jolly him along with new ideas or follow your sister's advice and shut up.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 19-Jul-13 22:20:33

You need to calm the fuck down.

What possessed you to say that to his mum?

babyhmummy01 Fri 19-Jul-13 22:20:53

Yabvu and unkind IMO

kim147 Fri 19-Jul-13 22:20:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodledumdums Fri 19-Jul-13 22:23:14

YABU- sorry!

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 19-Jul-13 22:23:21

Yes, rejections are hard but to sit crying in your room ALL DAY, and having one sister cuddle you for 2 whole hours then the other sit with you until you go sleep?
YANBU - he's a 21 year old adult who needs to grow up.

wonderingsoul Fri 19-Jul-13 22:23:37

I agree with you both.

I wouldn't be as harsh as you but I don't really do Molly cuddling.

I'd have handled the rant and cry for maybe 30 minutes before saying. 'It's life. It's shit you will get a job. There's nothing you can do about it now' finished with a hug and suggesting of doing something likes or even taking him out for a drink later that night if he wanted a day to himself.

I think the middle ground is needed here.

megsmouse Fri 19-Jul-13 22:24:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish Fri 19-Jul-13 22:24:59

So you sound like fun!

Chippychop Fri 19-Jul-13 22:26:51

I think you were being tactless and too blunt but agree he needs to grow another skin

EBearhug Fri 19-Jul-13 22:26:51

Well, yes, he will have to grow up and get a thicker skin, but frankly, getting 4 rejections in a single day (let alone hour) is a bit much for anyone, and it's hardly a surprise if he feels the world's against him. Job-hunting is stressful enough, especially in the current economic climate. It's a bloody hard market out there, and even the strongest candidates are struggling. I don't imagine employers get to see that he's apparently thin-skinned anyway, as I assume he is only crying at home rather than in front of them. So yes, you are being very unreasonable.

Give him a day or two to get over the worst of it, then try giving him some practical support - maybe his CV could be reformatted or something? And if you do, try to do it tactfully.

ilovesooty Fri 19-Jul-13 22:27:53

He needs to ask for feedback and keep on applying, but right now he's dealing with the aftermath of 4 applications, 4 interviews and 4 rejections all at once.

You say "no employer wants someone so mentally weak".

If I were an employer I wouldn't want to employ someone seemingly without a shred of empathy or compassion.

AdmiralData Fri 19-Jul-13 22:28:04

I see both sides of this coin, you have a point but perhaps were a little too blunt for your little brother, some people are sensitive and you need to be aware of what they can/can't cope with emotionally. Me for instance, I am a total poof.

MrsOakenshield Fri 19-Jul-13 22:28:52

if he has always been successful in exams and getting into uni etc etc, this is probably the first rejection (or 4 - nice quadruple whammy, poor boy) he has had in his life. And he's not allowed a bit of a cry? Jesus, where did your sympathy and empathy go?

opilo Fri 19-Jul-13 22:29:10

I've got a job and have also experienced rejections but I don't see the point in wallowing in self pity and defeatism. Instead of crying all day he should of been onto the companies and asked for feedback to improve his performance as this would be constructive going into the future.

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