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DPs ex insisting on having MY address?

(217 Posts)
GirIFiend Fri 19-Jul-13 20:46:11

DP and I been together 10 months.

His DS who is 8 has always stayed with DP and DP's parents at their house which is where DP lived until 6 weeks ago when he moved in with me.

Last month DSS came to stay at my house to meet me and my DSes on his agreed contact weekend.

The plan was the same for this month but out of the blue DP's ex has texted saying she wants MY address or DSS will not be coming shock She says she has the right to know where her DS will be staying.

Can she insist on this?

FlankShaftMcWap Fri 19-Jul-13 20:59:52

If my DC were regular visitors there I would most certainly want their fathers address. Because that's what it is now, not just your address. I think she is being perfectly reasonable to make the request. It would be most unreasonable to deny it IMHO, unless there is threat of harassment or violence etc.

Can I ask why you find it so shocking that a mother would want to be made aware of where her young child is?

NicknameIncomplete Fri 19-Jul-13 21:00:39

YABU. If my child was going somewhere/anywhere for the weekend i would want to know where they are going.

scratchandsniff Fri 19-Jul-13 21:01:05

YABVU - put yourself in her shoes.

burberryqueen Fri 19-Jul-13 21:01:16

YABU - one of the last times ex and his wife came to take the children for the weekend, they refused to give me their address (to avoid CSA) - therefore the children did not go with them - what kind of mother would be happy sending off their children to an unknown destination?
now ex whines that i 'prevent him from seeing the children'

Gruntfuttock Fri 19-Jul-13 21:01:56

If I was the mother I would want to meet you, as well as know your address. Good grief.

BreadNameBread Fri 19-Jul-13 21:02:08

Why does it bother you that if she has your address?
'Your' house is now your DPs and DSS's house too.

Xihha Fri 19-Jul-13 21:02:42

Yes she can stop contact over not being given an address and if it was to go to court then yes they could make an order saying your dp has to provide an address for where the child will be staying before contact is resumed (provided there isn't a valid reason she shouldn't have the address)

Why are you so shocked? Of course she wants to know where her 8 year old is staying, any mother would!

TalkativeJim Fri 19-Jul-13 21:04:30

Stop and think why this is your immediate reaction.

An automatic 'That woman who I don't want to have to think about my boyfriend having once slept with wont be having MY address, shes NOTHING to do with us!!' - ??

If so... please, for all your sakes, just move on now. Dump him.

She ISN'T just 'his ex'. She's the mother of his child. She's the most important person in the life of the child who YOU are presumably prepared to start having an input with. She will always be in your life if you stay with your bf.

The best thing you could do is to give your address, followed up with 'I'm happy to say hi on the phone/meet up at some point so you know who xx is staying with'.

Step over to the stepmum threads, have a good think, and start as you mean to go on.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 19-Jul-13 21:04:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DukeSilver Fri 19-Jul-13 21:05:47

Of course she wants to know where he is!!

When my dd is with her dad he always lets me know where they are and I do the same with him if I have her somewhere other than my house. Just common courtesy really.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 19-Jul-13 21:06:06

Once they've visited a couple of times, the 8yo will be able to tell the address anyway. The mother has no legal right to know, but it's pointless to refuse.

HappyDoll Fri 19-Jul-13 21:06:44

Great post TalkativeJim Couldn't have put it better myself.

HappyDoll Fri 19-Jul-13 21:07:50

OldLady The mother absolutely has a legal right to know where her 8 y o is. No court would ever forbid it.

LookMaw Fri 19-Jul-13 21:07:55

Unless there's some sort of court order for her to stay away from you, aside from spite I cannot fathom why you would want to torment a woman by not letting her know where her child is.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 19-Jul-13 21:08:42

Er - yabu to find this odd.

She wants to know where her child is when possible. Totally reasonable. Like it or lump it.

mummytowillow Fri 19-Jul-13 21:09:38

She can't insist but she has a right to know where her kids are staying.

My ex did this, moved in with OW wouldn't tell me his address or phone number, but wanted his 5 year old to travel 300 miles to stay somewhere I had no clue about! hmm

Still18atheart Fri 19-Jul-13 21:10:13


when i saw the title I thought that it was some random ex and you weren't living together. BUT your DP has a son with this woman and he is living with you.

OPeaches Fri 19-Jul-13 21:11:19

OP, your stance is so incredibly unreasonable, I'm guessing this is one of those reverse threads, and that you are 'the ex' rather than the new gf?

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 19-Jul-13 21:13:07

What a weird thread, how on earth can you not think this is a reasonable, and perfectly normal request.

I agree with the poster who suggested you forget him, and move on. You're clearly not cut out to cope with a stepchild. hmm

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Fri 19-Jul-13 21:13:38

Wow, err, of course she needs to have the address where her child is going to be staying!

scottishmummy Fri 19-Jul-13 21:15:50

If i were ex wife I'd insist on meeting you too

Vatta Fri 19-Jul-13 21:17:31

Unless there's evidence that she would use the address in an illegal way (eg to harass you) then of course a court would give her the address. She has every right to insist on Knowing where her son is!i don't understand why this is a problem for you.

kim147 Fri 19-Jul-13 21:17:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ Fri 19-Jul-13 21:18:52

Another vote for a reverse! I would not be letting my DC go to an unknown address and you shouldn't either OP (assuming I'm right). If I am wrong then YABVVVVU!

pianodoodle Fri 19-Jul-13 21:19:10

What TalkativeJim said.

Plus, presuming her child can read he can give her the address in any case so it's daft to refuse. Or are you going to tell him he's forbidden to tell his mother where he is?

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