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When cultures Clash..I refuse to give my father-in-laws name to my son.

(557 Posts)
orangebee1 Fri 19-Jul-13 12:13:50

Ladies, last week i delivered twins, one boy and one girl. My husband is Greek and tradition here dictates that the grandson must be named after the grandfather.
I am English and it's unthinkable to me that i can't choose my son's name. I am happy to have the grandfather's name (Yiorgos) as a middle name, but certainly not the first one and am insisting that my huband and i find a name we BOTH want.

I delivered by c-section and after two days (when i was still in the hospital recovering!) what should have been a joyous occasion turned into tears and arguments over the name choices - i wrote the names my husband and i had agreed on on facebook and his family saw and all hell broke lose.

My husband was so taken upset by his family's reaction, he was crying and distressed and finally changed his mind about the names.

As yet the babies are unamed and referred to as "the boy" and "the girl".
His sister says to me "you have three children now, what is it to name one of them after the grandfather - he has only one life and waited all of it until this day for his name to be passed on".

Am i being unreasonable??? Would you name your child a name you really do not like at all to keep the peace???

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 26-Jul-13 05:43:48

How are you doing OP? Hope you are ok

riskit4abiskit Thu 25-Jul-13 21:23:29

Congrats on the birth of your twins op. I have unlurked to add my best wishes and to say go with your original names, esp as the greek poster above said that this is not a widespread tradition any more. Also agree with the other posters who said that this naming issue could just be the tip of the iceberg. Good luck

anonacfr Thu 25-Jul-13 17:06:58

I have a horrible feeling that the OP is not having a great time right now. I hope you come back!

zipzap Thu 25-Jul-13 16:11:14

If the PIL have still been messing you around and not responding to your massive olive branch by saying that you have given in to their demands and are calling the baby Yiorgis, and if they haven't spoken nicely to your dh since, then, given the royal baby has just been named George, I'd say screw you that you obviously can't call the baby Yiorgis/George now as the royal baby has been called that and you don't want to be accused of copying them (time to suddenly become a republican if you weren't already!) and that therefore you're going to revert to your original plan of calling the baby original name 1, original name 2, plus Yiorgis stuck in at the end for good measure.

OP, I hope that your family have stopped beating you up about the baby's names and that they are unconditionally supporting you and the twins and your dd and dh - and that you are feeling more recovered physically and mentally after the hammering you've taken after the last couple of weeks!

wellthatsdoneit Thu 25-Jul-13 13:17:18

Maybe the OPs FIL has been badgering the Cambridge's too. He's a tenacious old rascal.

crunchbag Thu 25-Jul-13 12:42:11

I can't believe people are still saying, 'oh just call him George'
OP doesn't like the name and she and her 'd'H agreed on a different name.

TheQueenOfSparta Thu 25-Jul-13 12:24:33

"But, but, OP, you are just a woman. what you said there, does not really count! Remember, you are in Greece."

Oh please! I am Greek and live in Greece, this hardly Iran where women have no say!
Women in Greece do not take their husband's last by law. And we can choose our DC's names. It is tradition, yes, but only very old-fashioned people follow it. My sister and her DH chose the names they liked and no one made a fuss about it.

Twostep Thu 25-Jul-13 12:16:24

I like George - but I suppose if it wasn't the OPs (and hubbys) first choice then it doesn't matter.

I hope the family have calmed down and got off their respective high horses.

Are they like this about everything? Are there more 'cultural' landmines that the OP needs to consider for the babies (what they eat/drink and when, if they go to nursery, what they wear, ear piercing, school, friends.....).

jamdonut Thu 25-Jul-13 11:57:05

Well, I think you should just call him George and let the rest of the family call him Yiorgis (isn't that George Michael's real first name?).

I think you are in a horrible situation, but at least this way you can argue you are using the anglicised form, AND it is a current name, now, due to the Cambridges.

crunchbag Thu 25-Jul-13 10:45:58

At least Kate would have been aware of the little choice she had unlike orangebee

Hope you and your babies are ok.

QuintessentialOldDear Thu 25-Jul-13 09:26:42

Do you think poor Kate had a real choice in name?

Backpaw Wed 24-Jul-13 19:51:08

And me! It has to be George Alexander now!

Laquitar Wed 24-Jul-13 19:31:05

OP, to cheer you up a bit, the name is good here in uk especially today. If it is good enough for Katie....grin

honeythewitch Wed 24-Jul-13 12:47:45

I know the parents were still furious even after she gave in, but I dont think they will stay angry for ever. If they do then it is very sad but there is nothing more that the OP can do other than give her son the required name. I think nicknames are quite common there aren't they? It is a very difficult situation for everyone.

anonacfr Wed 24-Jul-13 12:21:22

honeythewitch I doubt the GPs would 'accept' any nicknames. The Op called them to say her son would be named Yiorgos and they still haven't/hadn't calmed down.

Laquitar Wed 24-Jul-13 11:31:25

OP i haven't read all the thread but what about your dd, is she going to have an english name/? You probably know it this Greeks celebrate name days in a big way and i know that George's day is usually fab at least in Cyprus so my worry is that your son will have that very special day and your dd wont unless she has a popular greek name too? And as they are twins that will be even more unfair, like if you are in uk and your twin brother has 2 birthdays and one of them is a huge occasion. These things sound silly to us adults but are important to children.

honeythewitch Wed 24-Jul-13 10:12:31

I am very sorry to hear of your difficulties. I can understand how you do not want to give your son a name you have not chosen and do not like, but looking at it from your son's point of view, if he is Greek, living in Greece with mostly Greek relatives, he is likely to want to be the same as all the other boys and have the name that he is expected to.

Do you think it would be possible to give him the name as a first name and find another variant you could all use as a nickname? I rather like the Cornish "Jory" but there are dozens to choose from. I am not sure if I can give the link (only just joined) but if it doesn't work look up "Behind the name" and it will take you to the list......

If you give your child his family name I am sure that very soon you will think of it as the most wonderful name in the world, because it belongs to your son, and his Greek family will come to accept a nickname, because you have followed their wishes.

I hope this will all pass very quickly and you can enjoy your lovely family. x

anonacfr Tue 23-Jul-13 13:48:56

Hope you're ok OP!

TimeofChange Mon 22-Jul-13 21:17:06

I have a friend who is from a Greek Cypriot family, she calls her 6 year son, 'the baby' all the time.

Cultural differences!

CPtart Mon 22-Jul-13 20:29:48

What is supposed to be a wonderful special time for you has been somewhat soured by all this. I would never ever forget that.

I have a sad inkling that if is is the state of power relations in your marriage going forward you may well be on your own with the DC in years to come and stuck calling your DS a name not of your choosing.

Best wishes.

McNewPants2013 Mon 22-Jul-13 19:25:22

Op I don't know what it is like in Greece, but if family is important then what means more to them a name or the family member as an individual.

anonacfr Mon 22-Jul-13 18:23:44

May you look back at these few days and laugh in a few months time

It sounds like it might have gone beyond that unfortunately.

TimeofChange Mon 22-Jul-13 18:09:46

I don't think we in the UK understand the power of The Greek Family.

If the naming is such a massive thing for them, then that is the way it is.

Op has no family here, how could she possibly put herself in a position where she has no family in Greece?

I suppose she could live on the streets with two babies and a child.

The Social Security system has collapsed with the economy in Greece.

I don't think the name is important. The way she is generally treated is.
She says SILs are lovely and are helping. That is wonderful.

OP Best wishes to you all.
May you look back at these few days and laugh in a few months time.
Enjoy your babies.

Backpaw Mon 22-Jul-13 17:31:08

I would explain to hubby that agreeing to the name is a Fucking Big Thing and that it was a hard decision to make and that he ought to be bloody grateful and show massive respect to me for the rest of my natural, not only for agreeing to the name but also going through the ordeal of fertility treatment, pregnancy and birth of three wonderful children.

I would also expect the message to be passed onto all relevant family members with or without the caveat 'you can all kiss my big fat arse for eternity'. And for it never ever to be brought up again (or I'd mutter 'its never too late to offically change a name').

QuintessentialOldDear Mon 22-Jul-13 17:12:41

"i called his mother afterwards and said "the boy will be called yiorgos" and told her to please call my husband so everything would be OK, but they didn't, and i find that disgusting."

But, but, OP, you are just a woman. what you said there, does not really count! Remember, you are in Greece.

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