To confront my colleague via text?

[YonilyDevotedToYou]

I am a teacher and we have just broken up for the holidays. I have got promotion from September to be head of my faculty- am chuffed and can't wait to start and the majority of my colleagues have been incredibly supportive and pleased for me. However, I have one colleague who is very cold and reserved with me, rarely approaches me even about things that I am currently in charge of. She is ten years younger than me but excellent at her job, although it has been noted that she lacks empathy.

Anyway, today at the pub after school finished, we were discussing the current head of faculty, who is excellent and I see as a real role model. This colleague came our with 'yes, she (current head of faculty ) is amazing and to be honest, I can't see any other head of faculty measuring up to her.'

I was so upset. The thing is, I agree with her and have even said the same myself- but I really felt as though this was a pointed comment which was directed at me and was totally unnecessary.

So WIBU to text her about it? I was so stunned at the time I didn't say anything, but feel really sad that she obviously doesn't rate me or respect me as a leader. Should I text or leave it?

[squeakytoy]

very unprofessional to text her just because she isnt patting you on the back enough..

[YonilyDevotedToYou]

Oh :( it's not that I want patting on the back though, it's just polite to be supportive surely? There was no need to say that, she could have just kept it to herself.

[flowery]

If you really feel this is something you need to "confront" her about, at least speak to the woman rather than texting her. Heads of things don't sort out issues with colleagues by text, and by doing so you will be confirming her opinions.

[headlesslambrini]

Nah leave it. You will only cause resentment in sept. Forget about it for now and prove to her by your actions that you can be good as well.

[Stropzilla]

I would leave it. It's a bit tough luck for her isn't it! Either she is jealous of you and wants you to do badly, or it was just a thoughtless remark to communicate how much she values the previous person? I'd probably go with that last explanation. Forget it, and I'm sure you will do brilliantly and prove her wrong. Congratulations!

[LIZS]

the words confront and text don't really belong together. Let it go.

[oohdaddypig]

She is rude. But everyone else seems to be supportive. I would just move on. I don't think these things are handled well by text. Congratulations on your promotion btw.

[burberryqueen]

agree with others just leave it and enjoy the break

[Ragwort]

Do not send a text, totally unprofesional (am amazed you would even consider it as Head of Faculty ). Leave it, start the new term and treat her normally and professionally when you return.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Please do not test her or confront her. That is totally unprofessional

If you must discuss it (which I advise you don't). Set up a meeting.

However, tactless as it was - she hasn't actually done anything wrong. Merely given her opinion. She hasn't done it in front

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

....in front of parents or children, for example, and undermined you.

You need to develop a management personality where the unsubstantiated views

[Phineyj]

Leave it and enjoy proving her wrong next term.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

aarrrggh

Unsubstantiated views of junior colleagues are pretty irrelevant

[farewellfigure]

I wouldn't do it by phone, but I think I would worry about it all summer unless I said something to her before september. Will you see her again before then? I know I would build it up in my head and be a right state come the new term if I hadn't cleared the air!

[Zynding]

That is MERELY her opinion and you give it more weight if you feel the need to wade in and defend yourself.

.... recently my circumstances have changed for the better. A woman I know, who has always been quite 'pitying' in her attitude towards me for the last few years discovered my life improvements (sorry, very vague) and she said something so eyewateringly catty I was taken aback. Later I realised it's because she used to feel superior to me, now, she's not so sure.

[loveisagirlnameddaisy]

Agree with everyone else. You might text a friend over a comment like this but certainly not a colleague who will be your junior come September. You just need to rise about it and accept that some people will say things about you that you don't like. The correct way to deal with it will be to say something in person at the time the comment is made - not hours/days later by text message. That's for teenagers.

[loveisagirlnameddaisy]

*above it

[EBearhug]

Leave it. If there's an issue with her attitude in September, then bring it up in a face to face meeting, just the two of you. But never text. But don't make a problem by expecting her to have an issue.

But 6 weeks of summer hols, there's a good chance you'll both have moved on by then.

[ilovesooty]

I agree with the previous posts. I can't imagine why you would think texting a colleague to address work issues is remotely appropriate or professional. It sounds as though you have something to learn about boundaries


Also, imo too many people think text is a suitable medium for sorting personal problems. What's wrong with an adult discussion?

[YonilyDevotedToYou]

You are all right, IABU and will leave it alone. I think it is nerves about having to take over from someone who is so good at her job, as well as feeling sad that this colleague doesn't seem to have confidence in me as everyone else does. I struggle against the need to be a people-pleaser constantly, so I guess this is part of that.

[flowery]

If you're going to be management you can't be getting upset about things like this, you're going to have to be more robust. Reality of management is that not all your colleagues/subordinates will like you, and a lot of them will think they could easily do your job. Put your mental and emotional energy into doing a good job and earning respect rather than getting upset about minor stuff like this.

[oohdaddypig]

Agree zynding. Fairly unpleasant people seem to react like that. OP perhaps take her comment as a compliment?

[YonilyDevotedToYou]

Thanks all- fairly unanimous response there, which I will take on board and enjoy my holiday! You can always rely on AIBU to set you right :)