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to not want to travel in a car with DD that my little sister is driving?

(35 Posts)
CheeseFondueRocks Thu 18-Jul-13 14:02:53

She is 18 and has literally just passed her test a couple of months ago.

In a few weeks, DH, DD (17 months) and I, are going to my home country for a holiday and we won't have a car there. Generally, this isn't an issue as there are enough cars in the family to go around but this year, people are away on holiday and otherwise busy.

I know that at some point, I will be offered/asked to to be given a lift by my youngest sister and while I would be happy to accept if I was by myself, it just doesn't sit right with me with a young child in the car. It would be different if it was driving withing the town but it's motorways/ fast traffic areas without speed limits and up to 3 lanes. She also doesn't have her own car, just shares with other family members so it's not like she gets that much driving practice.

I am a very cautious person, so this obviously plays into my feelings. This won't case an argument btw, I just want to know how other parents would feel about this.

WidowWadman Sat 20-Jul-13 07:28:12

(my husband only got his licence a few weeks before our second child was born. He would have been pissed off and rightly so if I didn't let him drive us then

WidowWadman Sat 20-Jul-13 07:25:32

YAB massively U.

differentnameforthis Sat 20-Jul-13 07:17:54

Immediately after I passed my test, I drove with my dd in teh car. Had no choice. I would have been pissed off if my dh indicated that he didn't trust me to drive with her in the car, to be honest.

BackforGood Sat 20-Jul-13 00:45:57

YABU to condemn her riving without ever having driven with her.
YABU to say that if there were a risk you are not prepared to go in the car with your dd but you would on your own shock Really ? You'd put yourself in what you perceive to be a dangerous, life threatening situation when you have the responsibility of being a Mum to your LO ? (I'm not saying driving with your sister is this, I'm going on what you are trying to suggest).
It may be that your sister isn't yet a good driver, or it may be she's the best driver out of your family - we can't tell, we've not seen her drive and don't know anything about her personality. What we can say is, she isn't automatically a bad driver because she's a new driver.

oreocookiez Sat 20-Jul-13 00:36:37

I was thinking about this today Greenthread and you are right. Passing a test means you are competent but the experience comes from driving over a while. My nephew passed his test 3 weeks ago and I would get in the car with him but I dont think I would allow my kids too. After rethinking YANBU. Hope it all works out OP x

GreenShadow Thu 18-Jul-13 17:11:44

Yes, oreocookiez she will have passed her test, but that doesn't make her a safe driver. Why do you think young people pay so much in car insurance? Because they are less safe. Experience of driving yourself and also of what other drivers are likely to do counts for a hell of a lot.

My 18 year old DS has also passed his test in the last year and I still feel wary on the odd occasions he drives me.

Daeira Thu 18-Jul-13 17:03:15

To be honest I'd feel safer with a learner driver on the autobahn where everyone else on the road knows how to drive properly at speed than I would on a motorway in the UK. She doesn't have to use the outside land after all (I never have when I've driven in Germany, it's bloody terrifying).

But you have to do what feels right and safe to you. Avoiding the issue sounds like the way forward...

oreocookiez Thu 18-Jul-13 17:01:04

If she has passed her driving test then she is able to drive. YABU

NotYoMomma Thu 18-Jul-13 16:57:49

I think you are being unreasonable and totally precious.

she has passed her test, will be careful and you are still going to be all 'it's not good enough' hmm

hope your sister doesnt offer tbh

BadgersRetreat Thu 18-Jul-13 16:54:53

we got a lift from our nephew when we were back home and he had just passed his test - was probably the safest drive i've ever been on!

<disclaimer> we don't have kids.

Katiepoes Thu 18-Jul-13 16:43:57

If she passed her test in Germany she is fine, it's a blood hard place to pass. The Autobahns are easy to manage, who does 250 kph on the inside lanes? Are you even likey to be doing any distances on them?

You are being unreasonable based on your own nerves - so good that you have decided not to get in the car with her, you'll be doing that grabbing and imaginary break pedal pressing thing and will wreck her head.

CheeseFondueRocks Thu 18-Jul-13 16:31:33

smile at Twirly for knowing what country I'm talking about.

Twirlyhot Thu 18-Jul-13 16:06:27

Pottering around town at 30? Fine. On an Autobahn? No.

Trills Thu 18-Jul-13 14:56:03

I think you are being unreasonable, yes.

neunundneunzigluftballons Thu 18-Jul-13 14:55:15

Sorry I missed your response on hiring a car.

neunundneunzigluftballons Thu 18-Jul-13 14:54:13

No way not least because small children can be so distracting which is what I would tell my sister if she asked. Could you hire a car for a couple of days to get you through?

CheeseFondueRocks Thu 18-Jul-13 14:48:01

I wouldn't be insured on that car though and it's her mother's car (who isn't my mum) so I'd feel rude asking. Plus then, I'd be making it obvious I don't want her to drive.

I'll just avoid the issue.

pinkdelight Thu 18-Jul-13 14:37:49

Can you not drive the same car your sister drives? Just say you'd rather drive when dd's in the car so you take the wheel and, if it's a lift, your sister can take the wheel when you've been dropped off wherever.

CheeseFondueRocks Thu 18-Jul-13 14:34:51

Yes, that's what i was going to do but prices have shot up so much, it's not worth it anymore.

I'll just deal with the situation and do minimal journeys. It's more of a holiday for us then anyway. With a car, we are just expected to rush around all day to visit relatives and friends. It just won't be like that this way and we'll mostly stay in one place. There's everything we need in the town anyway, including great outdoor pools and play parks. I don't need a car for myself, it's more to please others iyswim.

DocMarten Thu 18-Jul-13 14:30:03

Well OP, like you said you have made your mind up.

Maybe you could hire a car and avoid all of this.

CheeseFondueRocks Thu 18-Jul-13 14:27:19

I'm not doubting she knows the rules, just talking about sheer driving confidence on multi-lane motorways without speed limits. I know I feel not very confident when only driving them a few weeks once a year.

I've made up my mind anyway. I'm sure she is a great driver but she's not experienced and I don't want to take the risk with DD.

Mermi Thu 18-Jul-13 14:24:12

I passed my test 3 years ago and up until fairly recently I was reluctant to take anyone else in the car especially if they weren't immediate family.
Personally I wouldn't have taken offence if someone said that they were reluctant to let me drive their children around and I wouldn't have really wanted the responsibility iyswim. So I think if you say it tactfully she might almost be relieved?

Sleep404 Thu 18-Jul-13 14:22:19

I imagine she would be extra careful having just passed her test and knowing that she is carrying her niece. I'd go, perhaps try a short close to home journey first, to put yourself at ease. Unless she is trying to show off, unlikely, she is probably a perfectly good driver who will be up on all the rules of the road. You may be reminded of some of these yourself smile

Edendance Thu 18-Jul-13 14:21:26

Passing a driving test does not give you the sort of experience that driving independently over months and years will give you. Technically, a newly qualified driver may be at their most 'accurate'- they may never touch a kerb while parking etc but there is a reason that car insurance costs so much for the newly qualified driver, in terms of experience they have a long way to go.

I took 4 years (in total with on and off learning), and 4 tests to pass, I had a friend who learnt within a year or 2 and passed first time. Her first time out driving (I was with her) we had a very near miss when she was overtaking on an A road, luckily I saw the car as she began to pull out. She then went and rolled the car in a ditch a few months later and had some time off of driving before having more lessons and has been fine ever since.

Chances are your sister is a good driver, she has passed the test and it is hard! But it is no comparison for experience as a driver and time on the road. It's definitely not unreasonable to not let her drive your daughter but no, I wouldn't tell her that's why!

StealthPolarBear Thu 18-Jul-13 14:20:34

Ah missed that.

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