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to think its not my job to remind my exh about our dd birthday?

(63 Posts)
desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 12:22:33

Its our dd's birthday today, we separated years ago and on the whole things are quite amicable.

Anyway he's forgot (his partner had a baby last week), just had a text off him saying I should have reminded him wtf!

My dd hasn't mentioned the lack of cards from any of her dads family but I know she's aware (she's 12 today)

I don't see why I should remind him, no one reminds me, ive sent him a text back saying its not my job anymore, ive yet to get a reply.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 18-Jul-13 19:34:08

They forget all the time because people who pander to them by reminding them of things they are grown up enough to remember themselves, give them permission to keep on abdicating responsibility for remembering.

No op its not your job but its not especially a burn at the stake offence its more a grovel and get a better gift than you intended to one.

StuntGirl Thu 18-Jul-13 19:39:07

Thing is, I wouldn't have not reminded him out of spite, it just wouldn't have crossed my mind for a second that someone could forget their childs birthday. Why would it?

Frizzbonce Thu 18-Jul-13 19:50:45

Euphamia - I think I love you! Filofanjo!! grin

Also Filotwat. And since being in possession of a vagina also guarantees being able to locate anything, we could come up with a range of GPS systems: Twat Nav. Arf.

On a serious note I loathe and despise this idea that 'we' are supposed to remind our husbands of their responsibilities. Since I split with my husband, I notice his family have finally realised that it was me who sent all the cards to them as he hasn't remembered a single birthday, or anniversary.

Inertia Thu 18-Jul-13 20:12:53

Oh please send Hecsy's response (all of it).

Crocodilehunter Thu 18-Jul-13 20:21:35

Next birthday/christmas present to ex of dd perhaps?

Crocodilehunter Thu 18-Jul-13 20:23:13

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 20:23:23

Is it normally his wife who remembers your DD's birthday do you think?

Or at least, is it her who shops for it and posts the present on time or reminds him to bring it over?

And he's just passively waited for her to drag herself from the delivery room to the shopping centre and had a bit of a shock when it wasn't all taken care of for him.

desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 21:24:29

It wouldn't surprise me if she does do all the birthdays etc for him, he was always able to remember important sports dates so I think he is just lazy when it comes to getting cards and presents.

My dd doesn't seem bothered about the fact her dad hasn't wished her a happy birthday, it does worry me that she might feel like she's not an important part of his life so is hiding her real feelings from me.

kim147 Thu 18-Jul-13 21:28:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack Thu 18-Jul-13 21:40:21

YANBU, especially under the circumstances.

The days of birth of his first and second children are hardly unrelated events. You woulda thought there'd be a neurological pathway linking the two in there somewhere.

Dixiefish Thu 18-Jul-13 22:34:12

My DH doesn't know when any of the DCs' birthdays are. Or our wedding anniversary. He might get the right month, if pushed. But he does know my birthday grin

I'm sure he could remember DCs' birthdays if he had to, but I guess he figures that I'll remember so why bother?

It doesn't really bother me tbh, there's advantages to being in charge. But as your Ex is split up from you and no longer has the benefit of the vagina diary, he has to make that bit more effort

OfCourseOfCourse Thu 18-Jul-13 22:45:20

How irritating that he would try to indirectly blame you for something that was plainly his fault. You're not his unpaid personal assistant!

2rebecca Thu 18-Jul-13 23:23:28

Agree it's not your job although like others i'm surprised your daughter hasn't been reminding him when she sees him. If I thought my ex would forget I'd remind him, but for the child's benefit not his. I don't see this as my job though and suspect I'd get a sarky response if I implied he might have forgotten his kid's birthday. We usually discuss what we are getting them though so they don't get 2 of something/ in case they've told one parent they really want several things and not the other/ in case they told one parent they now hate the thing they loved last month/ to discuss what extended grandparents are getting.
It seems odd to me not to be discussing this sort of stuff at all, he sounds very hands off which is sad.

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