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to think its not my job to remind my exh about our dd birthday?

(63 Posts)
desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 12:22:33

Its our dd's birthday today, we separated years ago and on the whole things are quite amicable.

Anyway he's forgot (his partner had a baby last week), just had a text off him saying I should have reminded him wtf!

My dd hasn't mentioned the lack of cards from any of her dads family but I know she's aware (she's 12 today)

I don't see why I should remind him, no one reminds me, ive sent him a text back saying its not my job anymore, ive yet to get a reply.

Yup - and some sort of lost-object-finder too, YouTheCat. Apparently mine enables me to know the location of every object in the house, and makes me responsible for every single one of them even when I haven't touched them. No-one else in my family is capable of actually, oh, I don't know - actually LOOKING for something before asking me where it is. <<mutters>>

WorraLiberty Thu 18-Jul-13 12:56:41

If he has remembered every year in the past then considering his wife has just had a baby, I would cut him a bit of slack.

This ^^ really

enjoyingscience Thu 18-Jul-13 12:57:51

thecat Arf at filofax vagina. How inconvenient in a meeting to have to rustle around in ones pants to check a date.

SanityClause Thu 18-Jul-13 13:00:53

Would you forget your childrens' birthdays, if you'd just had a baby, then Worra?


Holliewantstobehot Thu 18-Jul-13 13:03:46

texted my exh the dates for the summer hols three times in last month - he then txt can u send dates for hols - I ignored it - new txt where are dates????? Told him have txt u dates three times already - he claimed no knowledge of this. Gave him dates again.
Day before yesterday phones to say can't have kids overnight as doing diy??!! Then says they are on holiday now though aren't they - NO THEY ARE NOT!!!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

WorraLiberty Thu 18-Jul-13 13:09:43

Did I say I would Sanity?

SanityClause Thu 18-Jul-13 13:15:19

Well why is it okay for the OP's Ex to do so?

WorraLiberty Thu 18-Jul-13 13:17:49

Oh dear god I didn't say that either, did I?

I just said I think considering he's remembered all the other years and his wife has just had a baby, the OP could cut him some slack.

Actually someone else said it but I agree.

YouTheCat Thu 18-Jul-13 13:20:29

That would be fair enough if he hadn't then sent a snippy text to his ex. Why should she think to remind him when he has remembered in the past and has plenty of contact with his dd?

He forgot. His fault.

dufflefluffle Thu 18-Jul-13 13:26:42

If I didn't remind my dh about dsd's birthday (or indeed our own dc's)when she was small he would never have remembered til the day or several days later (by which time it would've been too late to send a present as we lived abroad). It wasn't that he didn't love her but that which is not under his nose gets forgotten about. IMO that is just the way some people are - I would not think it is your duty to remind him any more than it is his new partners - unless you choose to do so in order to spare your dd's hurt feelings.

SanityClause Thu 18-Jul-13 13:27:52

She could cut him some slack for forgetting his daughter's birthday?

Well, all she did was say that it's not her job to remind him of his DD's birthday.

She hasn't said what he did was unforgiveable (although it is pretty crap, frankly) just that it wasn't her job to remind him of his own responsibilities to his existing children.

And FWIW, I think he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself, and should certainly not be blaming other people for his inability to remember one child's birthday, in the excitement of another one's birth.

Numberlock Thu 18-Jul-13 13:29:07

If he has remembered every year in the past then considering his wife has just had a baby, I would cut him a bit of slack

Yeah, great conversation to have with his daughter. "I've just had another baby so you're lower down my list of priorities this year." hmm

SanityClause Thu 18-Jul-13 13:32:34

I mean, remembering your own children's birthdays isn't really all that difficult, is it?

I can't imagine even ever forgetting (except in extreme circumstances like memory loss, or something).

flowery Thu 18-Jul-13 13:35:55

"flowery - really?"

Er, yes. Not her job, but personally I'd prefer to avoid dc disappointment altogether rather than not remind ex to make a point.

However as he usually remembers fine it's probably not necessary to do that anyway.

HaughtyCulturist Thu 18-Jul-13 13:38:10

I would have thought that if your wife had just had a baby, the proximity in the calendar to your other child's birthday would be forefront in your mind.

Swiftly followed by "I must make sure that my first born doesn't feel replaced in my affections by the arrival of the new baby".

Cut him some slack?biscuit

bluebell8782 Thu 18-Jul-13 13:40:47

He was wrong to have a go at the OP - I imagine that was probably guilt and panic.

I agree with dufflefluffle my DH is the same

Dahlen Thu 18-Jul-13 13:41:50

grin at Filofanjo.

Am sitting on the fence on this one. If it were me, I probably would reply in the Hecsy manner out of sheer outrage that he'd considered it my responsibility to remind him. In fairness to him that was probably just a thoughtless remark borne of defensiveness because he knew his behaviour was crap.

Still not an excuse though. We've all been in the sleep-deprived haze that accompanies a newborn and forgotten appointments, extended family birthdays, etc. I've yet to think of a single mother who has forgotten her elder child's birthday just because she's had another baby though. Also, it's not as though it arrived out of the blue if DD had been talking about it for weeks beforehand.

OxfordBags Thu 18-Jul-13 13:42:54

The vagina is not a built-in diary has become my favourite ever phrase, and I shall be using it as much as often. I might even get it made into a mug and have it sent to my brother, who expects me to tell him when our parents birthdays are, when mothers and fathers day are, and asks what he should get them for every present-requiring event. He is 37. I haven't told him for years now, yet my parents blame me if he forgets. hmm

Op, it wasn't your job to tell him. If one parent can remember, the other can too. He's just trying to assuage his guilt. I would love you to use Hecsy's reply to him, though grin

SanityClause Thu 18-Jul-13 13:47:23

You know, if the new baby had been really poorly, and they were at the hospital every hour god sends watching over it in the ICU, and they had somehow managed to lose track of the days, then cut him some slack, certainly.

But under those circumstances, it wouldn't really be appropriate for the OP to be "reminding", anyway, and I think a 12yo would definitely understand (mine would).

Thisisaeuphemism Thu 18-Jul-13 13:47:24

Cut him some slack? - hilarious - its him who is texting his ex-wife a complaint that she is not looking after him well enough?

josiejay Thu 18-Jul-13 13:49:09

I think his wife having just had a baby is all the more reason to be extra thoughtful about his dd's birthday! How upsetting for her when she's already dealing with her dad having a new child, if he can't even be bothered to remember her birthday. He should be ashamed.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 18-Jul-13 14:21:53

his wife having a baby is a reason for "oh my god i am so sorry i feel awful how could i have forgotten things have been manic but its still no excuse i'll make it up to her i am so sorry..."

it is not a reason for hurumph why didnt you remind me.

desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 18:47:28

Just to update, he has finally just text me back to say that as he will be seeing her at the weekend he'll get her something then. Tosser angry

Justforlaughs Thu 18-Jul-13 19:01:01

My DH can't remember MY birthday, let alone the DCs! and they are RIGHT UNDER HIS NOSE and how he doesn't remember I have NO idea as all they talk about is "in 25 days", "in24 days", "in 23 days" ad infinitum! (not that I've got a 13yo talking about hers being "in 19 days" right now! grin)

Justforlaughs Thu 18-Jul-13 19:02:29

And "no"OP, it isn't your job to remind him, but if I had any reason to believe that he would forget and that it would upset your DD at all, then I would remind him anyway.

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