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to think its not my job to remind my exh about our dd birthday?

(63 Posts)
desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 12:22:33

Its our dd's birthday today, we separated years ago and on the whole things are quite amicable.

Anyway he's forgot (his partner had a baby last week), just had a text off him saying I should have reminded him wtf!

My dd hasn't mentioned the lack of cards from any of her dads family but I know she's aware (she's 12 today)

I don't see why I should remind him, no one reminds me, ive sent him a text back saying its not my job anymore, ive yet to get a reply.

ImNotBloody14 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:25:04

Yanbu at all. Happy birthday your dd- my ds is 8 today! grin

I dont remind my exp- no card from him yet but my dcs will see him at the weekend so in guessing he will give acard then

flowery Thu 18-Jul-13 12:27:54

Well, no it's not your job, but pragmatically, if reminding him will ensure your dd is not disappointed, it might be a good idea to do so anyway.

InTheRedCorner Thu 18-Jul-13 12:30:32

No, why should you need to remind him of the date his child was born?

YouTheCat Thu 18-Jul-13 12:31:42

Yes, but then if you remind them, they get all snippy with 'of course I know when my child's birthday is'.

He's a grown man, capable of putting a date in his phone or on a calendar. Not your job, OP.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 18-Jul-13 12:31:53

im afraid id be replying terribly sorry. it didnt occur to me for a second that there would be any circumstance under which you could forget the anniversary of the day your child came into the world.
i will of course remind you in future years.

would you also like me to remind you when christmas is coming up?

love x

ps if you forget her name, dont ever be afraid to ask, we'll just pretend thats my responsibility too.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 18-Jul-13 12:33:22

i realise actually saying that will cause ww3 but you can at least amuse yourself with the fantasy...

Maryann1975 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:35:14

It is not your job to remind him at all. But I guess your dd was disappointed to not have her birthday acknowledged by her father. Do you need to remind him it's Christmas in December or is he capable of remembering that himself? Having a new baby is no reason to forget you have other children.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Thu 18-Jul-13 12:36:52

Well it's not really anybody's job is it?

Whothefuckfarted Thu 18-Jul-13 12:37:09

Iid go with the first 4 lines from hecsy

^im afraid id be replying terribly sorry. it didnt occur to me for a second that there would be any circumstance under which you could forget the anniversary of the day your child came into the world.
i will of course remind you in future years.^

Whothefuckfarted Thu 18-Jul-13 12:37:44


DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 18-Jul-13 12:40:16

YANBU of course you shouldnt have to remind him about his own child's birthday. Cheeky shit. I wouldnt either. It just wouldnt occur to me to do so.

I like the idea of Hecsy reply to him. Except I probably would send it grin

desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 12:40:33

smile he once did forget my Christmas present, its the 1st time he's forgot her birthday, he's remembered all by himself the last 8 years, although his parents never send her a card.
He still hasn't replied, I had text him 1st thing to ask what time he was coming to see her, he's probably out shopping now.

LastTangoInDevonshire Thu 18-Jul-13 12:40:36

flowery - really?

bluebell8782 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:42:26

I dunno - do you think he would have remembered if you were still together? If not, I think it would be less likely he would remember if she doesn't live with him full time.

This may be sexist but in my opinion men are sometimes a bit rubbish at this sort of thing. I would have thought his partner might have reminded him but I guess she may have forgotten as well with the baby coming.

Yes, you shouldn't have to remind him but there you go, maybe it just is best to in the future.

squeakytoy Thu 18-Jul-13 12:43:52

If he has remembered every year in the past then considering his wife has just had a baby, I would cut him a bit of slack. Does he not really have much contact with your daughter though??

BlueStones Thu 18-Jul-13 12:45:17

YANBU. I hate the "remind me" brigade - I used to work with a master of the art. Not your job to remind other people of their responsibilities. Knowing that HE will have to tell your daughter that he just forgot should be enough of a motivation for him to remember.

tobytoes Thu 18-Jul-13 12:46:54

Sorry im agreeing with flowery. Althought it is totally not your responsibility to remind you ex I would probally remind him just so my little one wasnt dissapointed. But as I say,it isnt your responsibility and yanbu.

desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 12:47:52

Sorry I don't buy into the sexist crap that men don't remember birthdays etc, use a calendar, that's what I do.

desperateforaholiday Thu 18-Jul-13 12:50:38

She stays his every saturday night and goes for tea a couple of nights a week, she will have been talking about her birthday as that's all ive heard for the last month.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 18-Jul-13 12:51:35

i hate that too. there is nothing about having a penis that means you are incapable of remembering things.

those who 'cant remember' dont bother remembering cos they feel like its your job. if you can remember your own stuff. appts. work stuff. social stuff. you can remember this.

the vagina is not a built in diary ffs.

and dont get me started on 'cant' look after the kids or use a washing machine and all that crap.

InTheRedCorner Thu 18-Jul-13 12:52:00

I've got an awful memory and forget things all ver the place.

Never forgotton one of the DCs birthday and nor would I expect him to.

YouTheCat Thu 18-Jul-13 12:53:05

Omg Is the vagina like some kind of filofax? grin

LindyHemming Thu 18-Jul-13 12:56:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluebell8782 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:56:21

Maybe I should have said 'some people' are a bit like that but in my opinion it is mostly men.

Anyway it seems like it was the first time he'd forgotten so I think he ought to be cut some slack.

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