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year 6 leavers do/Prom

(81 Posts)
bigteach Thu 18-Jul-13 08:51:51

Last night I was horrified and pleasantly surprised all at the same time.....depositing my daughter at her year 6 leavers disco, me, looking moderately flustered and slightly shabby from work. my little girl, scrubbed clean and a pretty, long summer dress, favourite shoes and hair usual bunch, with added bow, when looking at the girls crowded round Mr P their fab teacher... Several girls you could tell....had spent hours....having hair done, nails, accessories etc.. but good god.....what were they wearing?...expensive, silk/satin strapless(what have they got to actually hold it up?)AND extremely short ball gowns with 3inch...strappy heels???!! It was something like sex in the City gone Bugsy...WRONG....sooo WRONG!!!
needless to say I stared round to see how many of these unfortunate 'children' there actually were...and breathed a huge sigh of relief....3mmmm possibly 4 the rest of the girls looked pretty much the same as mine....happy excited 11yr olds going to a party, so therefore happy to reflect...the west country has not become so horrifically Americanised yet, though there is a party (privately organised) tomorrow that apparently is going to involve....stretched Limos etc...oh and parents are to attend with their little ones, whether they want to or not......I conveniently lost this invite!

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 11:09:44

I am glad that mine left primary school well before this type of thing happened. I think parents should fight it before it becomes the norm.
The leavers disco is fine.

NoComet Thu 18-Jul-13 11:58:26


I think it's totally up to DDs (and their parents budget) whether they go to a Y6 prom dressed up to the nines or still as little girls. It's their day and their business. As far as humanly possible Mothers should keep out of it unless asked to help.

DD2 didn't have a prom, but she was a bridesmaid at that age. The bride and chief bridesmaid (her DSIS) decided to treat DD as a young teen and she gave her the same hair, make up and high heels as they had (and the same flip flops for dancing). The only difference was she had a ball dress with thin straps and the bride and adult bridesmaid had deep V halter necks that needed filling.

Except for the lack of curves, DD2 looked about 15, and it didn't matter at all because she was having an absolute ball.

And that's the whole point, at 11 it's not serious, at 13 it might be to look older than you are, it might be for boys, but at 11 it's FUN.

LastTangoInDevonshire Thu 18-Jul-13 12:17:14

Sorry but no 11 year old needs a strapless dress and 3" heels. It is just NOT appropriate for their age.

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 12:19:54

Startail - there's a difference between an adult occasion like a wedding where your dd was dressing to blend in with the other bridesmaids and an event planned exclusively for 10/11 year olds.

The idea that the norm for such an event in dress and activities should be the same as for 15/16 year olds seems wrong to me. Girls of that age look beautiful without makeup and can 'make an effort', if necessary, without having to 'look grownup'. The barbecue/disco way of thinking seems much more age appropriate imo.

So its ok for an 11yo to dress up to blend in with adults at an adult occassion, but its not ok for an 11yo to dress up with a load of other children the same age and have a fun evening? confused

cls77 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:31:17

A lot of the girls at DD prom were so self conscious they were hunched over with their arms across their chest, and some couldnt even walk in the shoes they had - how does that make for a "fun" evening?! Im all for expressing who you are and feeling pretty, making an effort etc, but this is different, many of my DD friends were very upset that they were wearing dresses too short for them "because it feels weird".

CoolStoryBro Thu 18-Jul-13 12:34:48

FYI, I don't know any American schools that have proms for Elementary school, so you really haven't become Americanised.

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 12:54:09

cls that's different - it goes without saying that the child should feel happy/comfy in whatever they wear.

usuallyright Thu 18-Jul-13 12:55:56

Netto, your dd looks beautiful.
There are some misery guts on mumsnet today.
The weather is getting to people.

cls77 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:57:38

FauxFox but thats half the issue, mums and peer pressure making these children feel they have to wear what everyone else is!

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 13:03:53

Yes netto forgot to say before your DD looks lovely.

I google image searched yr 6 proms and i'm really struggling to find any child who looks anywhere approaching a hooker confused some have pretty horrid dresses but they look like what they are - children dressing as adults for fun at a special occasion.

ElizabethHornswoggle Thu 18-Jul-13 13:06:18

Proms for 11 year olds are absolutely bloody ridiculous. In fact, they are at whatever age.
Very glad ours is a sensible primary school where they just have a leavers disco in the hall!

Thymeout Thu 18-Jul-13 14:13:45

MissyMoo - the poster's dd was one of the bridesmaids. So I can see the point of her wearing an approximately similar dress, tho' not halternecked and not strapless so her age was taken into account. I, personally, would not have had her in makeup or heels, but each to her own. I've no doubt there were other 11 yr olds dressed as ll yr olds at this adult event.

But if you're organising an event for 10/11 year olds, why ape something that they will do 5 years later? There are enough social/cultural pressures on children to grow up too soon without mothers encouraging it.

NettoSuperstar Thu 18-Jul-13 14:55:44

Arf at sensible school.
Yes, DD went to one of those trashy schools with their disco in a function room with shock bunting

thebody Thu 18-Jul-13 15:28:12

I think any adult who uses the words tart and orostitute in the same breath as an 11 year old girl are quite frightening!

op stop being so bloody smug.

I suggest you rein in a little about how wonderful a parent you are until your dd hits the teens.

proms are the same as a leavers disco btw!!! they are both a party with music, food and dancing!!

Summerblaze Thu 18-Jul-13 15:45:03

My DD had one of those BHS satin dresses for my son's christening. She was 8 at the time and looked lovely. Not anything ilke a tart or prostitute. She doesn't wear this all the time, in fact most of the time she is a little tomboyish and like trousers/shorts etc.

NoComet Thu 18-Jul-13 15:55:04

grin tymeout, I must swap back from my tennis NC

What I'm trying to say is Y6 is the last chance some girls get to dress up in all innocence and I think those want to should be allowed to.

One night being the most grown up DCs in the school, before the reality of being tiny y7s hits home

Apart from anything else, an 11y shouldn't quite understand why it makes grown ups feel uncomfortable.

FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 16:28:33

What I'm trying to say is Y6 is the last chance some girls get to dress up in all innocence and I think those want to should be allowed to.


FauxFox Thu 18-Jul-13 16:37:09

But cls the OP clearly said that some children went all out dressing up and others wore more everyday clothes. IME that is the case at all discos/birthdays etc whatever age you are. My DD is 8 and at the school disco last week there was everything from more traditional 'childish' frilly party dresses to jeans and Ts to jumpsuits/dresses that were more 'fashiony' for want of a better word. Nobody appeared to give a fig what each other were wearing except to admire the odd item whether that might be a pair of sparkly high heels or a T-shirt with a favourite cartoon character on.
I think adults project their own issues onto this, fgs let kids wear what they want and enjoy themselves. At 11 it may be one of the last chances thy get to truly be free to do this without having to think of what other (judgey) people read in their choices.

Groovee Thu 18-Jul-13 16:42:19

Oh good god! My son's school have a qually. Its what they called it when I left primary. It's actually a Ceilidh. The boys wear kilts, girls get dressed up. My dd's lot all looked lovely and the kilts looked stunning.

At this age the girls are all at different levels of maturity and so are different. But there's no need to slag them off.

Hulababy Thu 18-Jul-13 16:46:39

I don't particularly like strapless dresses on 11y but I have no issue with them choosing to dress up and put on some small heels, have their hair done and a bit of make up. It's all about learning to grow up, being allowed to do something a bit different to normal for a party, and having fun with their friends in a safe manner.

I bet most of us did it to an extent too - wanting to look grown up is very natural for preteens.

DD didn't have a prom but they had a BBQ and a photo shoot (small class, just girls) - and yes, the girls dressed up on the whole - no strapless dress I have to say bit saw plenty of rather short Hollister dresses and the like, and most had a bit of make up and some small heels on. They also had the hair straighteners and curing tongs out too.

I could hear them laughing and chatting, and still being young girls all the while. And even dressed up they ran around having a laugh together.

HorryIsUpduffed Thu 18-Jul-13 16:50:05

I was glad to see that our Y6 had a end-of-year party that looked a lot like a birthday party. They dressed up but for a children's party, not an adult ball, and although it was at a "venue" it was within walking distance of probably 90% of the children.

Hope that's still the case when my DC are that age. It's quite possible to have a big celebration without projecting adult expectations on to the occasion.

RalphtheTimid Thu 18-Jul-13 16:54:16

eccentricia your choice of words to describe some 10/11 year old girls has shocked me to the core.

Do you realise what you have actually said about these children?

Hulababy Thu 18-Jul-13 16:57:28

Pics on my profile of the types of things DD and her friends were dressed up in - though no shoes on the picture as barefoot for photo shoot - there was a mix though including a mix of small heels

parkin2010 Thu 18-Jul-13 17:06:54

I have an issue with proms at primary school full stop. That's something to celebrate the end of secondary schooling surely? A trip out or school hall disco is enough for primary in my opinion

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