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to want to scream at these relatives!

(112 Posts)
missesjellybean Wed 17-Jul-13 14:56:01

so I'm at the hospital now ... I've just had my 20 week scan, I had an operation a few weeks ago on my cervix so I'm not supposed to stand for prolonged periods but I've just been sent through to wait to see the doctor...and told there is a 2 hour delay...and there isn't one single seat to sit on.
the waiting room is about 30 degrees with no windows or seats and every single pregnant lady here has at least two relatives with her and they're all occupying the seats
I thought some kind relative who is just here for moral support would give up their seat for a clearly pregnant lady but they're all just pretending not to see me stood here absolutely roasting with no where to sit so they don't have to move. wibu to throw a massive diva strop at demand a chair....or at least ask the receptionist who is also pretending to ignore me to ask able visitors to stand so actual patients can sit....shockangry

grumpyoldbat Fri 19-Jul-13 07:49:35

Omg zillion I'd never have the nerve to do that. If DH was with me I'd get him to stand (though unlikely I'd have to). The time I stood he wasn't with me so I stood. I find that much easier than risking offence. Even standing to give a pregnant woman a seat got me looks from the sitting men.

grumpyoldbat Fri 19-Jul-13 07:43:43

midnite what that woman did to you is awful. It's one of the reasons I would never ask for seat. Even though I would never ask in that manner I wouldn't want to inadvertently upset someone.

It is also why I always stand to offer someone a seat. I wouldn't like to put someone in a position of feeling they had to ask.

Still manage to offend but will still offer seats.

ZillionChocolate Fri 19-Jul-13 07:41:28

I think that although kind and well intentioned, the pregnant, but less in need ladies are getting it wrong in waiting rooms. Isn't it better to say loudly to the rest of the room "can someone offer this lady a seat?" when no one offers one to the new arrival?

Turquoisehat Fri 19-Jul-13 06:17:30

This reminds me of when I had 3 day old dd on a 45 minute train journey. The train was packed and I asked a woman to remove her luggage from the priority seating, so I could sit down. She would have still had a seat, I just wanted the luggage moved. She said no. I told her I had a 3 day old baby in the sling but she just started huffing and puffing and didn't move. A very kind man jumped up and offered me his seat. I accepted, and was on the verge of tears.
DD is 13 months now and I can clearly see that woman sitting comfortably with her luggage. I only hope karma gets her eventually.

olidusUrsus Fri 19-Jul-13 05:13:41

Agree midnite. If someone needs a seat, they should ask. And if they are rejected by an individual, they shouldn't huff.

I have had to turn down a pregnant woman's request for my seat because my back is fucked up from hauling my bedridden OH's giant arse about. I didn't much fancy announcing this to a train full of commuters so I simply said "I'm very sorry, but I need this seat. Could you ask someone else?" She didn't, and spent the rest of the journey glaring (whilst standing) at me. Maybe she was nervous about asking and I looked like an easy target. Maybe she was also a massive dick about it.

Morgause Fri 19-Jul-13 05:06:54

I can see no good reason why OP wasn't offered a seat in the waiting room without having to ask.

However, I can understand why sometimes people do not offer seats on long train journeys. I used to take the DCs on a day trip to London once a year and the first time we went we all had to stand all the way down - a journey of 2 hours. The day was not a success. I have a back problem and both DCs have chronic asthma and were getting over colds and were a bit wheezy. By the time we got to London none of us felt up to walking any distance. So a waste of the train fare, really. We "did" one museum, sitting down every half hour or so.

So from then on I reserved seats for the three of us. A trip to London on the train isn't cheap and we wanted to make the best of it not be knackered before we started and waste the money spent. That option was open to everyone else on the train so I don't feel guilty about not giving up a seat to anyone standing.

MidniteScribbler Fri 19-Jul-13 04:32:28

es, midnite, I believe that if you see someone who for some reason might need a chair, whether they be pregnant, on crutches, old or whatever, and you are fit and healthy, you should indeed "dive to your feet" and offer them your chair.

Yes, I do agree, but my point is that you don't know just by looking at someone if they can stand or not. You could be silently fuming about someone you think is rude, without knowing if they have any medical conditions. Just because they aren't as obvious as a large pregnant stomach, that doesn't mean they may not have less of a need for the seat than you do. People shouldn't have to explain to everyone why they may need a seat. That's why a general request to the room/carriage/bus is better. I am yet to see someone who has politely asked a room full of people for a seat to not be offered one. Alternatively, if it's a waiting room, then a receptionist with half an ounce of common sense could just go and get another bloody chair so everyone can sit down.

In the situation I described earlier, the woman shoving her pregnant stomach in my face and demanding my chair was like someone hitting me with a sledgehammer. I ended up sitting on the floor in the corner crying which was then addressed by "what the fuck is your problem?" from her. But that was ok I guess, because her needs apparently trumped mine.

crashdoll Thu 18-Jul-13 19:52:35

Poor you. sad Selfish bastards!

On Tuesday, I had a hosp appt. It was packed and the air con was broken. There was one seat not occupied by a person, it had a small handbag on it. I stood by it but the owner ignored me and my walking stick. After a few mins of passive hovering around her bag's chair, I asked to sit down. She huffed and puffed and eventually moved it but she continued to give me evils. I tried to be charitable and thought maybe she was saving it for someone but there was a long wait and no relative/friend came.. I wanted to ram my stick up her arse. grin

hiddenhome Thu 18-Jul-13 18:46:57

I find this thread so sad sad How can people be so rude and downright heartless towards pregnant or poorly people, esp. in this heat? It beggars belief. It's so depressing.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

grumpyoldbat Thu 18-Jul-13 17:37:52

The MW having to be called I cab imagine how this could have come about knowing NHS management practices.

I wouldn't be surprised if this situation has arisen in the past. The receptionist has asked partners to let pregnant ladies sit. Someone has taken the hump that they've had to stand. Made an official complaint about the reception so management decree receptionist isn't allowed to use her common sense or decency.

Pixielady83 Thu 18-Jul-13 17:31:41

This is rubbish. Some people are so rude. Reminds me of a horrible hot train journey I had at 26 weeks pg when the only person on a packed train to offer her seat to me was an elderly blind lady sad (I didn't take it obviously). This was despite lots of loud comments about how awful it was and was my back ok etc from the lovely people I was standing with, which everyone on the train ignored. When I came home in tears DH couldn't understand why I hadn't asked for a seat but in the face of such deliberate ignorance it makes it really difficult doesn't it. Can't believe receptionist had to get a mw to sort it out though angry

pippitysqueakity Thu 18-Jul-13 17:17:16

Hey OP, 'should have been on bedrest'. ?
I hope you are ok, and the rest of your pregnancy is peaceful. smile

AudrinaAdare Thu 18-Jul-13 17:09:05

Plenty of seats in ultrasound earlier so no need to have words with anyone. Lots of judgy looks that I was there with thirteen yr old DD though. I wanted to stand up and shout that she wasn't pregnant and even if she was, what sort of person tuts at a child who has been the victim of a crime? angry Wish I had had the gynae check done in her usual hospital now where it is a general paediatric imaging dept. Oh well, lesson learned!

GreenShadow Thu 18-Jul-13 17:02:03

I know it's not practical on public transport, but on other occasions, i have made a point of sitting down loudly on the floor when pregnant and not offered a seat. (Luckily I've always been able to get up again, though am quite aware that some may not be able to!).

Happened once at 38 weeks and no one offered even after I'd levered myself down on to the floor.

lisianthus Thu 18-Jul-13 13:09:04

Yes, midnite, I believe that if you see someone who for some reason might need a chair, whether they be pregnant, on crutches, old or whatever, and you are fit and healthy, you should indeed "dive to your feet" and offer them your chair. That precisely encapsulates what I am saying. You don't need to get into some sort of disability top trumps at all as in most situations there will be plenty of seated people who are able to give up their chairs.

This would prevent subjecting the poor person who needs a chair as the OP did to any further unpleasantness and is just good manners.

StealthPolarBear Thu 18-Jul-13 12:29:08

I'm amazed the receptionist needed a midwife. Surely he/she should have seen that you just needed someone with a bit of authority IN THE ROOM and it was common sense.

missesjellybean Thu 18-Jul-13 12:24:37

I always give up seats for people too my mum has always ingrained it in me and my siblings from being little. we've always stood up on the bus for old people, pregnant ladies and people who obviously need seats from pretty much being old enough to stand.... and I know I could have just asked but I felt awkward and embarrassed and stupid asking so did wimp out by asking reception to ask....but also I shouldn't have to ask it's sad that a lot of people just don't have manners these days...I managed a seat and then when they read my notes I got called through as a priority because I should have been on bed I really wasn't imagining those glares and comments as I jumped the queue ... shock smile

StealthPolarBear Thu 18-Jul-13 12:21:43

Ive never ckme across this and it sounds awful. I was recently on a packed train when 3 elderly ladies got on. There was a flurry of activity as everyone moved round / stood to make sure they coukd sit.
I live in the north

pigletmania Thu 18-Jul-13 12:14:52

Mentality doh

pigletmania Thu 18-Jul-13 12:12:03

Missjelly you glare right back at them, rude gits. Geese the entail tey of some!

grumpyoldbat Thu 18-Jul-13 12:07:38

I always give up my seat for someone who seems to need it more than me. I gave up my seat at 8mon pregnant because another pregnant woman came into the waiting room on crutches. All the men remained seated. I have never on the other hand asked for a seat in case I actually ask someone who needs it more than me or someone obnoxious and abusive.

cuillereasoupe Thu 18-Jul-13 09:07:15

FFS, why fanny about with the receptionist and the midwife? just ask for a chuffing chair.

LongTailedTit Thu 18-Jul-13 08:26:47

I was taught the best phrase by a colleague who'd had 4 DC and was obviously a pro at tube etiquette.
She told me to approach the person in the priority seat and ask:

"Excuse me, are you able to stand?"

Polite, doesn't assume that they don't need the seat (may have a non-obvious condition), and most times I didn't need to explain further as the sitter clocked my bump or badge and would stand up.

I stopped waiting for people to offer pretty quickly, it was ridiculous, much easier and less embarassing to just ask straight away.

MidniteScribbler Thu 18-Jul-13 08:13:21

So, lisianthus, everyone should dive to their feet at the first sight of a pregnant woman? Pregnancy trumps all other health conditions? Just because you find it to hard to say 'is there anyone that would mind letting me have a seat?'

K8Middleton Thu 18-Jul-13 08:09:27

I live in London. I honestly never saw any rudeness when people asked. I'm not saying we have to be " tough, insouciant challengers of rude people all the time". I'm saying be prepared, expect that some people may be horrible and be ready. Some how these things are so much worse when they're unexpected.

By challenge I mean when you see it happening to a pregnant woman say something. What did you do when your witnessed all these incidents? Roughly how many times have you noticed happening to other women?

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it is a rare occurrence.

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