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To have mentioned this to nursery

(108 Posts)
Weissbier Wed 17-Jul-13 12:37:07

Nursery have a work experience guy who came up to me at the summer party to say how sweet he thought DD was. In these words: "I wanted to find her parents today to inform them I'm taking her home with me!"

I mentioned it to the nursery manager - said I was sure it was nothing to worry about but both DH and I had felt uncomfortable, and could she confirm work exp. people were not left alone with the children? (My point being, such remarks reveal they are not professionals and they should only be working with the children according to their experience and training).

She confirmed they weren't alone with the children, so that was fine, but I also had to listen to a quarter of an hour about how I needed to think less because the guy was a nice person...which I'm sure he is...

megsmouse Wed 17-Jul-13 12:38:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NarkyNamechanger Wed 17-Jul-13 12:39:41

You are completely overreacting.

Did you take his comments literally?

I quite often tell people I'll swap my dc for theirs if one is being a bit difficult but I don't mean it...

NarkyNamechanger Wed 17-Jul-13 12:40:36

Oh and I'm a childminder (degree qualified)!

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper Wed 17-Jul-13 12:41:17

It sounds like a joke that you wouldn't have reacted to had it been a female work experience person.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 17-Jul-13 12:41:28

Would you have had the same reaction if he'd been female?

I think you need to lighten up. You are being ridiculous.

HenriettaPye Wed 17-Jul-13 12:41:44


I'm sure you wouldn't have said anything if it was a female hmm

Weissbier Wed 17-Jul-13 12:41:56

Oh dear. I asked a few people before I said anything who all thought it was out of line...another member of staff had said he was "head over heels" about dd earlier in the week

FoofFighter Wed 17-Jul-13 12:42:13

would you have been bothered if it were a woman saying it though?

maja00 Wed 17-Jul-13 12:43:08

Your reaction sounds very odd.

I work in a nursery and have often joked to parents about taking a child home with me, or doing a swap! It's a nice, light hearted and pretty common thing to say to express fondness for a child.

exexpat Wed 17-Jul-13 12:44:10

Do you really think he would have said that to you if he had any intention of abducting her? hmm

It sounds to me like a perfectly normal, jokey way of saying that he enjoys looking after your daughter. I would have laughed, and possibly said 'you're welcome - can I bring her round next time she's having a tantrum?' or something like that.

freemanbatch Wed 17-Jul-13 12:46:57

staff at my daughters nursery have joked like that since the first one started, male and female staff and I have to admit that the first time a male member of staff said it I flinched more than I ever have at the female staff saying it but I didn't say anything to him or anyone else because I knew it was my issue.

I think you reacted more because he's male to be honest

JedwardScissorhands Wed 17-Jul-13 12:47:18

If you ask people in RL whether they think something is out of order, they will probably just agree with you for the sake of the conversation. I often give a 'hmm, yes...' response in such situations. It is quite confrontational to say 'actually, you need to get over yourself'.

I agree with everyone else here. YABU and sexist.

Weissbier Wed 17-Jul-13 12:47:32

I would have been less bothered about a woman saying it, yes, because a man usually is more careful and therefore it sounded odder. But I would still have thought it odd to express particular fondness for one child over another.

HenriettaPye Wed 17-Jul-13 12:48:05

This is ridiculous, and really annoys me.
I worked in a nursery with a guy- he was great, was promoted to deputy manager, all the kids loved him, most of the parents thought he was great, apart from a few that did not want a man looking after their pfbs. They treated him like he was a pedophile and obviously only there to molest children. They said he was not to be alone with their child and taking the child to the toilet or for nappy change was a definite no. In the end the poor guy got so fed up of being treated this way that he gave up that line of work, and retrained in something completely different.

Oh and fwiw- I married him and he's turned out to be the most fantastic daddy ever wink

toomanyfionas Wed 17-Jul-13 12:49:14

He was being kind. You are being ridiculous.

MaryPoppinsBag Wed 17-Jul-13 12:49:59

Some children just have that effect on you. I'm a CM and care for a little girl who I just adore. I have looked after a few other children and she has just clicked with me and after having 2 boys of my own I could just keep her here with me.

It is a compliment about how lovely your little one is. Not something sinister.

I think your reaction would be different if it was a female.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 17-Jul-13 12:50:09

A few people have said this about my DD. I've said they can pick her up whenever

Someone has taken a shine to your child because in their eyes she is lovely smile take it as a compliment not a threat. I think you feel the way you do because a man said this. I dont think you would have said anything at all if it had been a woman. And I'm pretty sure those telling you it was out of order wouldnt have batted an eyelid if he hadn't been a man.

Poor guy. No doubt when he hears about this he'll feel pretty awkward and embarrassed. It's ok though. If he has any sense he will stay away from your child from now on, just in case you go off on one again.

maja00 Wed 17-Jul-13 12:50:36

He's only expressing fondness for one child to that child's parents though hmm It would be weird if he told other parents that he preferred your child to theirs.

Flobbadobs Wed 17-Jul-13 12:52:40

And this is one reason why men don't in general go into childcare...
Oh and 'such remarks' are made by professionals too. Do you want a man working with your child?

Weissbier Wed 17-Jul-13 12:52:59

I think it's great to have men working in nurseries! But this guy 1) isn't going to become a nursery worker, says he's going to be an electrician 2) finished his work exp and then decided to stay unpaid because he enjoys it so much 3) isn't CRB checked because nursery don't think it's necessary for work exp, and I just thought what he said was a bit inappropriate and worth mentioning in the overall context. Not because I think he's done anything wrong, but because I think they're a bit casual about totally normal codes of practice

daimbardiva Wed 17-Jul-13 12:53:23

This is a quite commonly used phrase, and I'm always chuffed to bits when someone says it about one of our dcs. I feel really sorry for the work experience guy, he probably thought he was paying you a compliment and went out of his way to let you know how lovely your child is.

ThePowerof3 Wed 17-Jul-13 12:55:01

Poor boy, I hope no one else has the audacity to find your DD adorable. It'd be handy if potential abducters announced their intentions

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Wed 17-Jul-13 12:55:02

YABU. It was his way of saying your child is a pleasure to have at nursery. I have been known to say it in the past about children with a particularly lovely personality. It was a term of endearment, and nothing more based on that statement alone.
If this is the only thing that has made you question him YABU.

toomanyfionas Wed 17-Jul-13 12:55:27

Oh please. Accept it in the spirit with which it was intended and find something else to project your anxieties onto.

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