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To wonder what is wrong with talking to your child?

(185 Posts)
SpanielFace Tue 16-Jul-13 20:54:48

Genuine question... Please don't flame me!

I've seen several threads on here criticising parents who talk loudly to their children in public, sing to them, encourage them to answer questions, and so on. "What colour is that flower? What noise does the cat make?" etc. Apparently this is called loud parenting, or performance parenting, or just plain pushiness.

DS is only 10 months, but I chat to him loads. Not loudly, not constantly (he has plenty of time playing by himself while I potter around doing things) - but I do tend to tell him what I'm doing, I point things out to him in the buggy, we read books, we sing action songs.

My understanding (from HV, Surestart centres etc) was that talking to and encouraging your baby was a Good Thing. In fact, I received a bookstart pack today with a free story book, and a leaflet of suggested activities ("Talk about what colours you can see in the book. Can you see any of these colours in your home? Can you make a noise like an owl?")

So who is right? Where is the line between interactive parenting and stimulating your baby, and pushy parenting? And am I one of these annoying "loud parent" types I keep reading about?

wickeddevil Sat 20-Jul-13 22:24:50

Well I witnessed a variation of PP today.

DH and I took DD to a stately home / garden this afternoon, and whilst in the toilets I overheard another child say to her mother "it's noisy in here"

"Oh yes, returned the mother, it's always noisy in here"

Good for you if you are regular visitors to the facilities dear. But perhaps you should look at your Daughter when you are pretending to talk to her?

Your triumphant look at me was wasted.

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 20:58:23

You can say what you like when alone! PP is only for the benefit of other adults. grin

Chottie Thu 18-Jul-13 20:50:15

I think it's that 'special voice' which is clear and carrying and means that everyone in a 50 yard has to share the joy.

SomethingChanged Thu 18-Jul-13 20:47:04

I spend ages chatting to my DS. I think it's quite natural when you're alone with a child. My DH mentioned competitive swing parents the other day though. Don't worry not how hard/high the push is just the chat and how much FUN everyone is having!

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 19:37:41


MmeLindor Thu 18-Jul-13 19:22:09

begging thread here

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 19:19:35

Agreed-although I think the smiley cocktail with umbrella would be nice-I wonder if MNHQ will read.

MmeLindor Thu 18-Jul-13 19:17:57

Oh, heavens, Sarah. I'd have been over there with a big pair of scissors to sabotage the sound system after an hour.

We definitely need a [icecream] smiley

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 16:47:51

Ice-creams or some sort of smiley cocktail with an umbrella in it. And lots of ice cubes.

Or maybe a gin and lime with tonic water and ice in a tall glass that's been slightly frozen first...mmm.

Yes we definitely need more smileys and gin. grin

Things have improved slightly since the school over the road stopped playing Gangnam Style on a loop since 8:30 this morning because it was inflatable sports day.

I've got to say, seven hours of Psy has not helped with my happy mood today smile

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 16:39:40

I think MN need a new smiley for this weather- ice- creams for all!
Hopefully OP feels free to talk to her baby.

dontgowadingin Thu 18-Jul-13 14:42:23

Wow! What a palavaaaaaaa!

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 13:49:38

Anyway, peace, it's too hot for misunderstandings. smile

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 13:48:32

I'm not upset. And I get it, I really do, but like I said to Balaboosta, it doesn't matter if anyone else does or not. Just talk to your children and don't worry about anyone else thinks.

If you are PP-ing you are not likely to care if people realise that's what you are up to and if you are just talking and someone judges you wrongly as being a PP-er, well, so what, it's their problem, not yours.

MmeLindor Thu 18-Jul-13 13:45:43

[offers chilled fruit smoothies to everyone]

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 13:33:04

I'm sorry to upset you- it was merely frustration that people can't seem to tell the difference between PP and talking to your child. My fault- I just wish that I could get it across but I have run out of ideas it seems that either you get it or you don't. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things,except that it is sad if it puts people off perfectly normal talking to babies and small children. Very few people PP , which is why it is so funny if you come across it.

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 13:30:43

*over-reacting to what I said.

I have clearly lost the ability to type in the heat smile

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 13:27:16

Yes it can, and I've never said otherwise, or claimed that my post was the best (worst) example of PP ever witnessed.

It was just an anecdote and perhaps you had to be there to see how quickly the mother explained and repeated the fruit smoothie bit.

I don't know, maybe it's the heat getting to people, but I thought the response I got was unnecessary and over-reacting to what was said.

dontgowadingin Thu 18-Jul-13 13:19:22

I always talk to LO , she is nine weeks. This morning I talked to her about if I wanted to buy tinned herbed tomatoes OR tinned with out. We choose with put. She did look a bit shocked though when I shown her the garlic!

She loves it and totally understands every word I say grin

YouTheCat Thu 18-Jul-13 13:14:05

In the grand scheme of things, no it doesn't matter. It can be amusing though when it is taken to extremes.

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 13:04:48

YouTheCat Does it matter?

People are talking on a thread, some people are sticking less rigidly to the PP rules than others.

It was a mildly connected story that made me smile as it might or might not have been this woman's way of ensuring she wasn't being judged for buying her five year old a cappuccino. Which is something that never crossed my mind anyway, so she had no need to worry or explain.

It wasn't an invitation for exotic bang on at me because she feels not everyone is listening to her and her rules for what counts as PP and she gives up and has run out of ways to explain to everyone just why she is right and we are wrong.

It's a conversation, not everyone is taking it as seriously as others.

YouTheCat Thu 18-Jul-13 12:54:34

That's not real PP though. Real PP doesn't actually involve the child (other than it being present).

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 12:51:10

*She might have had to feel the need...

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 12:18:27

Give up then. And get over yourself while you are at it.

You don't have to explain anything to me.

I've been fairly light-hearted on every comment I've made in this thread.

The child made an innocent remark. The mother made a point of clarifying what they were having. I thought nothing else off it and said so here. That was my point. Some people might have thought that was PPing by the mother, yes they were going to Costa but only for the fruit smoothies, not for, God forbid, a coffee.

This thread made me smile at the reasons she might have had felt the need to point that out to me.

You're taking this far too seriously, not everyone posting is being quite so rigid. hmm

exoticfruits Thu 18-Jul-13 11:57:36

I really give up!

How on earth is that PP, Sarah. confused

It was a perfectly normal conversation initiated by the child.

I have run out of ways to explain.

SarahAndFuck Thu 18-Jul-13 11:38:02

Actually I may or may not have been an audience to something like this on Tuesday.

Small child in a trolley said to me "After this we are going to Costa!"

Me: Are you? That's nice.
Child's Mother: For a fruit smoothie. We're having a fruit smoothie aren't we.
Me: That's nice.

It hadn't occurred to me to think the child might be having a coffee, but perhaps I look the type to pump caffeine into a child. Or like I expect everyone else to and judge.

In actual fact it took me until now to think about it as anything else than a child talking to me and a parent joining in.

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