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To be completely stumped

(121 Posts)
plim Tue 16-Jul-13 19:28:44

I have 3 children 20 mths, 5&7 yrs. I've been on maternity leave since no3 arrived but now we are broke, maxed cards and odrafts and down to beans on toast as a treat - you get the gist.

We moved up north 3.5 yrs ago for a better lifestyle, dh works remotely and I ran my own consultancy. I've now out of the blue been offered a career changing md job back in London. I got a call on Thursday, went to the meeting yesterday with the existing md and a conference call with the CEO last night and now they want to make me an offer and want me to fly to Belgium on Thursday to meet the chairman. It's over 120k basic - I earn around the upper 80s as a consultant but its not consistent and sometimes that will be more like 35k!

The kids are settled in an outstanding village school, no 3 starting a fab pre school in September. I had just been offered a consultancy contract 3 days a week for 60 k in sept too and now this has come up and I'm so confused.

I need to confirm tomorrow so they can book me on a flight. My head is spinning. The thought of relocating to London - finding schools houses etc - nightmare but its a big 'career move'.

My eldest dd has been in 4 schools in 3 yrs due to us renting and moving we've only just bought a house up here last September ..,...... Sigh.

Please help me to make a life changing decision.

Sirzy Tue 16-Jul-13 19:35:36

What would quality of life be like if you moved back to London compared to now?

By the time you have factored in house costs and cost of living how much better off would you be?

What does your husband think - what would happen to his job/income?

Sirzy Tue 16-Jul-13 19:36:27

Sorry that probably didnt help much it ended a list of questions!

Can you both write a list of pros and cons and then sit down and decide?

sagfold Tue 16-Jul-13 19:39:23

I don't in any way mean to be nasty but am more trying to understand your siutation when I ask how can you be down to beans on toast if you are earning 80 grand?. And if this is so would the extra earnings not be offset by the much greater expense of living in London?

RubySparks Tue 16-Jul-13 19:39:23

Lots of things to think about here! For balance the 3 day a week consultancy sounds better, still have some time with children and no disruption to schooling. However it might be possible to work remotely some times and travel to London for a few days a week? Would probably mean a nanny though and the increase in income could be swallowed up by that? You could write a list or pros and cons for each option and then imagine you have picked one - how does it really make you feel?

Bowlersarm Tue 16-Jul-13 19:39:32

Well.....the job offer for £60k for a three day week plus a lovely settled life in the north sounds appealing?

How's your social life up there, OP?

BoysRule Tue 16-Jul-13 19:40:12

I don't think now is the time to be making a life changing career decision that would relocate your family. From the sounds of it you have settled after lots of changes and for the benefit of your family you would be better off staying. The 60k job sounds perfect, you can still spend time with your family and have a guaranteed income allowing you to budget and pay off debt.

As Sirzy says, the cost of living would probably cancel out a lot of the extra money and would it be full time?

inkyfingers Tue 16-Jul-13 19:40:33

Isn't there space with the job offers to negotiate a part time option/work from home and do London 2 days a week?if you've had 3 kids and prolonged mat leave you don't sound incredibly career orientated. Is being with DCs important, being with DH, quality of life? Nice offers, though!

ImperialBlether Tue 16-Jul-13 19:40:47

How much do you want to earn where you're living now in order to have the life you want?

When you say your husband works remotely, do you mean he works from home, so it wouldn't matter really where you all lived?

Would £120,000 pa in London bring you same lifestyle that £60-80,000 does wherever you are now?

Sirzy Tue 16-Jul-13 19:41:34

Sag - the op is a sahm at the moment, that was her earnings when she was working.

plim Tue 16-Jul-13 19:41:42

Beans on toast because I've been on maternity leave for 18 mths with no income and dh lost his job in jan and whilst he now has another we are skint. Also bought a house in sept.

ImperialBlether Tue 16-Jul-13 19:42:55

How much would it cost to live in London near an outstanding school?

Is this offer something that would become available later on, when the children are older?

What sort of income does your husband make? Would he be interested in being a house husband?

Jinty64 Tue 16-Jul-13 19:43:53

Well, presumably, you gave some thought to your move North "for a better lifestyle" and it sounds as if things are working well for you. You have the ability to earn £35'000 where you are and possibly more. I presume your dh is earning too so, unless you are going crazy with the money this should leave you quite well off.

I realise it is quite a confidence boost to be head hunted for a job like this but IMHO I think you have already made your decision with your move North and away from all that. I wouldn't uproot the children again.

Our family income is less than £35'000 but we manage well and I wouldn't accept the job and the sacrifice it would entail if it were offered to me.

sagfold Tue 16-Jul-13 19:47:12

Ok, thanks for clarifying. Lots of things ro consider here but the most important one, it seems to me, is that you sound really excited about this oportunity. I think you really want this job. Am I right?

plim Tue 16-Jul-13 19:50:02

In answer to the questions:

I am career orientated I ran a consultancy employing 22 people for the 5 years until I had dd3 then we moved up here and I closed that business. This is a senior role, full time long hours and lots of international travel very frequently!

Dh works from home 3 days a week and stays down south one night a week so totally flexie on where we go.

The cost of living in the area we would have to be in is extortionate, it's where we lived before Richmond / twickenham / chiswick area.

I do love being a mum and hated it when I went back to work when dd1 and dd2 were 3 and 5 months old. Which is why with dd3 being the last one I wanted to take time out and it's been lovely. But I feel ready for my work again - and this is a great opportunity just feels like I would never see the kids and would be so high pressured.

The consultancy work is up and down but I do have a contract lined up for 9 months on 60k so a start and enough to clear some debts.

MissStrawberry Tue 16-Jul-13 19:51:48

No point having a huge income if the more expensive London means the outgoings leave you with less than you have now.

Sirzy Tue 16-Jul-13 19:52:26

So you would have to uproot again to somewhere much more expensive, you would end up needing to pay for some form of childcare for all 3 children and you would get to spend little time with them?

If that was me I would be staying put and enjoying earning a very good wage for working part time.

plim Tue 16-Jul-13 19:54:11

Looking out my window at the sheep and the hills that's very appealing. Just worried that I'm turning down a once in a lifetime opportunity - I'm 40 next year - maybe it's a mid life career crisis!!!!

LittleMissGerardButlerfan Tue 16-Jul-13 19:58:43

What do you think you would regret more, trying it or not trying it?

If you try it and it doesn't work could things just go back to the way they are?

Only you can decide, but if you don't try you don't know?

Sorry that wasn't very helpful! grin

plim Tue 16-Jul-13 20:02:24

Ha ha thanks little miss!!

DontmindifIdo Tue 16-Jul-13 20:16:45

Could you be parted from your DCs in the week? Would you consider taking the job and for 6 months to a year renting a small flat in London (or commutable further out) as cheaply as possible, going home every weekend? you could try to negotiate Fridays working from home so you can travel back on a Thursday night. This would give you the chance to try it and decide if the move is right for you. Plus if you knew you didn't have to rush home to the DCs, could you work longer hours on the other days you were in London and get more done then.

Alternatively, the 60k consultancy work, would this be enough for you to live off as a family and rebuild your finances? Would a year of you working 3 days a week be better for your family? Will you miss time with them?

plim Tue 16-Jul-13 20:22:04

I did that three years ago on a years contract - stayed one night in London and did two days in office and two days at home but I do t think I could do three or four nights away. Would miss them too much.

MissStrawberry Tue 16-Jul-13 20:23:11


BarbarianMum Tue 16-Jul-13 20:28:30

This job you've been offered. Is it the money that attracts you, or the work itself?

If its the money, forget it. Almost all your extra income will be sucked up by living in London/childcare etc.

If it's the work, then you have some more thinking to do.

There is no such thing as a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity. If you are good enough now, you'll be good enough for other good opportunities to come your way.

Purplecatti Tue 16-Jul-13 20:30:17

Screw it. Rent your house out and for it. Save as much as possible and quit if you don't like it.
Would dh have more chance of getting work in London?

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