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To think it's not normal to keep so many photos of your ex?

(33 Posts)
arcticmonkey81 Mon 15-Jul-13 12:18:30

DP has been divorced 2 years and seperated for 3. We've been together just over a year. A few weeks ago I came across a folder on his computer full of hundreds of photos of his previous married life. Years worth of holidays, days outs, garden shenanigans, just 18 years worth of happy memories. Now I can understand him keeping pictures of his kids growing up of course and even the odd pic of the kids with their mum and the odd family shot but amongst these pictures were loads of just the two of them, hand in hand on a beach, laying on a bed together, kissing on the sofa, dancing at parties - proper 'couple' shots. Why would he keep these? I don't have pictures of me and my ex together, I just have a couple of him with the kids.

Anyway I never mentioned it to him. BUT - just been in the garage looking for something and there are more photo albums in there full of his ex. It's a bit gutting to think he feels the need to cling on to these memories not to mention the shock of seeing him in his 20s and 30s looking so happy and in love with a gorgeous 20/30 year old woman. Of course I knew he was married and of course I knew he loved someone before me and they were happy at some point but all the photos? isn't that a bit odd?

Also I remember him saying a few months back that he'd just found his wedding ring hmm he added "I might as well sell it". Well - I can guarantee that if I had the energy to search that garage properly I'd find it hidden away somewhere.

Looking for honesty, AIBU or is it odd to cling on to so many old memories in such a way? I'm wondering if I should mention to him that I find it hurtful that he has so many pics of his ex hidden away on his pc.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 15-Jul-13 16:27:44

YABU. You're talking about 18 years of his LIFE. You don't just erase that and pretend it didn't happen. I would think far more highly of a man who had happy memories from past marriage/relationships that one who pretended his ex had never existed or who slagged her off constantly. If he was pining for his ex-wife, he would be trying to repair their marriage, not getting into a new relationship.

ElleMcFearsome Mon 15-Jul-13 16:33:35

My DH, divorced for over 20 years is still good friends with his ex. His screensaver was the usual mass of photos - eventually I asked if we could change them as I got a tad bored of seeing her face grinning out at me jealous? Me? Not much I'd never ask him to get rid of them, she was (an still is) important to him. Their marriage didn't work out as they were young but I'm in awe of how they've stayed friends, a trick I'd never managed with an ex sad

CloudsAndTrees Mon 15-Jul-13 16:40:49

I have lots of photos of me with my ex (father of my dc) and I know he does as well.

I would not react well to my husband having a problem with me keeping these photos, or jewellery or other sentimental things.

This is the relationship that my children come from, and it will always have a special meaning to me. That doesn't mean I have any inclination to be with my ex, or that I miss being with him. I don't, and I love my husband very much. But I want my children to feel that they came from a relationship that was special, because they did, and no one who came along after that has any right to try and deny it.

bluebell8782 Mon 15-Jul-13 17:27:35

My DH has some photos of him, his ex and his daughter. I did feel a bit upset at first but soon understood that when his daughter grows up it will be nice for her to see happy pictures of her, her mum and her dad altogether. This is especially important as her mum does try and act like he doesn't exist/matter.

I think you need to try and work out why you are feeling so insecure as it sounds like you are feeling like this before the discovery of the photos...?

bluebell8782 Mon 15-Jul-13 17:28:57

were - not are (grammar)

Jan49 Mon 15-Jul-13 17:38:43

I'm divorced and I have all the photos from our marriage and all the photos of our ds. My ex left the family home and has never shown any interest in having any of them. I would never destroy them. They are part of my life and my past and my ds's life.

EBearhug Mon 15-Jul-13 22:47:08

I've never thrown out a single photo I've ever taken. Neither did my parents. Nor my grandparents. Nor my great grandmother, and I've got a handful going back before then, too.

The Victorian ones in particular are interesting, but sometimes I resent being the one who's inherited them all. Still, the point is that I was brought up not expecting anyone to throw out photographs, and I think quite a few families are like that. In fact, I'd probably find it weirder to be with someone who erased all their past (which is how it would seem to me,) just because of the way I was brought up. I think it's just different people, nothing to stress about.

sarahseashell Mon 15-Jul-13 23:07:36

YABU I agree it'd be more weird to bin them all

I thought from your thread title you meant in frames all over the house - I would find that a little odd but keeping photos is normal IMO

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