WIBU re DS and poo pants?(33 Posts)
DS will be 5 in October. I've posted before about his terrible problems with constipation/impaction and how he hasn't ever been properly poo trained. Complete refusal due to fear about pooing on the toilet.
He was toilet trained at the normal time at around 2.6, with success early on with wees, but never got the hang of pooing on the toilet. He was on movicol for about a year and a half, which was a nightmare as it made him go minimum 3 times and maximum 10 times a day. All in the pants. The doctor was adamant that he needed clearing out so that he felt the need to go, saying that as his bowels were full without the meds, and that things would get better when he could feel he needed to go.
It never worked, it just made things unbearable, eventually resulting in him being asked to leave nursery (attached to a school) and my having to find a private nursery for him until he was due to start reception, which is this coming September.
We have had some progress since he's been at this nursery. I took him off the movicol as it was causing more harm than good, and he has stopped the almost constant (every hour or so on a bad day) accidents.
He will now sit on the loo and do one if put to sit there but will never go if not asked, but strangely he does it for his father (we are separated).
I have been clearing up poo pants now for nearly three years. Not once a week, not even twice a week, but every day. The accidents have been less frequent and I really thought we were getting somewhere.
Then yesterday happened. Massive one in the pants just after I'd asked him to sit on the toilet, and had numerous chats about how you need to tell me, remember to go if you feel you need etc etc. I have to say that I have been calm, angry, ignored, kind, everything in the last 3 years and now I'm just fed up. I completely lost it, like really lost it. I was screaming and shouting at him and asking him why, why didn't you tell me etc. We were both upset and the guilt is awful. Why am I failing at this? I am ashamed to say I smacked him as well.
I can't cope anymore with this, and September is not far away, what am I going to do? I feel so helpless. STBXH is next to no help, and says I'm too soft on him.
Thanks if you've read this far. I just needed to get it all out.
Yes, of course you were being unreasonable to lose it with him and smack him, I don't think you're actually asking if we think that is reasonable though!
That doesn't mean that it isn't a horrible, frustrating situation, though, and something my sister is still going through with her DS. For him it was very much psychological and something they are still having to work through. I know it drives her to the very end of her tether.
I think you should see your outburst as a sign that you need more help with this and perhaps get some more referrals sorted out for some more specialist help. Part of the problem with my nephew is that it had just got into such a bad place that it was self perpetuating, and it is taking a long long time to break the cycle (the bowel goes' baggy' after impaction so the same thing happens again).
GP referral to continence clinic.
I mixed half a sachet of fybogel with warm ribena, got him to drink it while distracted by peppa pig, and quickly after making it before it goes jelly- like.
It then took half an hour for him to start dancing on tippy toes around the lounge moaning, and another half hour before he ran off and did the business.
Ds is six now and is on movicol. He is a lot better now but nit completely cured. I was panicky about him soiling himself in school which he did do a couple of times but school were fine about it and none of his classmates even noticed. Please dont worry. he will get there eventually
Brings back memories. ...my DS3 was not poo trained until 4.5 and my life involved lots of poop remember constantly checking. All these things will pass and you will survive.
We had this problem to a lesser extent. We did get prescribed movicol at one point but I delayed using it as I wanted to wait until school holidays and things improved by then.
Firstly, buy loads of cheap supermarket pants and throw them away so there is less mess to deal with. I chuck them along with the wipes in a plastic bag.
The thing that helped the most was dedicated daily 'toilet time' at the same time (between tea and bedtime so we could manage it on my work days as well). DS has to sit on the loo for at least 10 minutes every day, whether he needs to go or not. He reads a book now but in the past has had a toy or phone app etc. We did a reward chart with a sticker for sitting down (regardless of whether he did a poo or not) and at the end of the week he got a hot wheels car of his choice from our local toy shop. He has a child seat on the loo and an ikea step for his feet.
2 years later we are still doing the same routine as it works. Ocasionally he will say he needs to go at a different time but for the most part his body is in a routine. He does complain about toilet time sometimes but we explain how it helps and we don't give in.
After all my agonising I can't believe how simple it was (I know we are lucky). Got the advice off mn, of course!
DD has had lots of accidents too so she has a similar thing after lunch but I think hers has naturally solved itself so we are not so strict.
You are SO not alone. When DS was due to start reception I was I. Tears as I knew he has no control. A combination of a grat nursery assistant, movicol and lots of tears/praise got us though. Laculose was no use. Movicol MAKES them go. We still have some issues with "smudges"but every few days he will do a MASSIVE poo. I can see the signs he needs to go but us withholding.
You will get though it.
Referral to continence nurse was through our GP so just ask them. I asked for a psychologist as I didn't know continence clinics existed, but she said that it is rarely a true psychological issue with kids this small and that although there are psych issues around it, the underlying cause is invariably physical so the continence nurse focuses on that. It has been great.
BTW my DS gives all the signs of ignoring the nurse - refusing to look at her, busying himself with toys, hiding under chairs or in the corner etc. But the nurse said they all do this and they are all always listening to her
I have no experience with my own children but I want to share as it seems you may be stressed about what happens when he gets to school.
I have taught a couple of 6yo that suffered similar issues. One who would have accidents every few days, maybe once a week. Another who had accidents every day.
It's not their fault and that is the attitude we take at our school. We do the 'oh dear, lets clean you up then' and get on with it. I would hope your DS's new school will take a similar approach. You must tell them about his medical issues though, otherwise they may think he's just not been toilet trained properly.
I can imagine it is horrid and stressful. Like I said, I can't give you any advice about home etc but I just wanted to give you a teacher pov and hopefully stop you stressing about school.
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