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Why no birthday present?

(34 Posts)
Swallowing Sat 13-Jul-13 00:03:27

We are visiting my family and it is my husband's birthday. My family did not buy him a present at all. He doesn't expect anything (ever) but I am a little hurt, it isn't about the money, it is a token. Something to show that they think of him and care. I feel a bit shit writing this actually, yes he is a grown up and he REALLY doesn't expect anything, but I just don't get it, we have always exchanged gifts in the past. Can I ask them why? or is that too grabbing?

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 13-Jul-13 07:55:40

Do you think they might be struggling for money at the minute and are too embarrassed to say?

Swallowing Sat 13-Jul-13 08:04:26

They are buying a massive house, (for my sister) so yes, all the money is going into that. I still think they could have stretched to a bar of chocolate, or a bottle of wine though, they seemed quite happy drinking mine!

TimeofChange Sat 13-Jul-13 08:10:27

Stop buying wine whilst you are there.
Stop taking them out for meals.
It will be cheaper to buy ready made sort of quick food.

Don't send them birthday presents in the future.

It's a shame though, that they have been so thoughtless.

Whothefuckfarted Sat 13-Jul-13 08:49:05

Fuck me a card at least would be ok. 59p at home bargains lol grin

Mia4 Sat 13-Jul-13 10:12:23

YANBU OP, stop being so generous yourself and write down what you want to say so if you find it difficult you can give it to them. Can you cut your holiday short there if you're very upset and perhaps see friends or other family where you'll be happier?

I hate favouritism, I've seen it all my life towards my youngest siblings and I feel awful for them.

raisah Sat 13-Jul-13 10:30:07

I think you should slowly put a limit on your generosity so don't withdraw it altogether but just put some firm boundaries up. So for meals out, either everybody pays for their own or you split the bill equally.

Don't continually top up their food & drink but do contribute towards your own meals. Basically, treat them like they treat you so don't spend money you haven't got on their birthdays etc. If you don't expect anything then you will not be disappointed by them.

If it suits you better, stay with your in laws the next visit and see your family for day trips etc.

notso Sat 13-Jul-13 10:49:47

When you were planning the visit did you not discuss that it was going to be his birthday though?
I'm not defending them but surely it would have come up in conversation.

Swallowing Sat 13-Jul-13 22:44:51

Yes it did come up in conversation, when I bought his birthday cake and when I bought the champagne and wine amongst other times! They are obviously just incredibly mean, which I find ard as DH is the most generous person I know. I think I will start to change how I act with them though now. Do as you would be done or whatever it is! grin

Swallowing Sat 13-Jul-13 22:45:42

HARD not ard! I am just well'ard

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