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... to have an argument with SIL over her post about controlled crying?

(362 Posts)
katykuns Fri 12-Jul-13 11:45:18

Post: 'Dear mommy,

I am confused.
I am used to falling asleep in your soft, warm arms. Each night I lay snuggled close to you; close enough to hear your heartbeat, close enough to smell your sweet fragrance. I gaze at your beautiful face as I gently drift off to sleep, safe and secure in your loving embrace. When I awaken with a growling stomach, cold feet or because I need a cuddle, you attend to me quickly and before long I am sound asleep once again.
But this last week has been different.

Gentle, Tear-Free Sleep Solution
Each night this week has gone like this. You tucked me up into my cot and kissed me goodnight, turned out the light and left. At first I was confused, wondering where you’d gone. Soon I became scared, and called for you. I called and called for you mummy, but you wouldn’t come! I was so sad, mummy. I wanted you so badly. I’ve never felt feelings that strong before. Where did you go?
Eventually you came back! Oh, how happy and relieved I was that you came back! I thought you had left me forever! I reached up to you but you wouldn’t pick me up. You wouldn’t even look me in the eye. You lay me back down with those soft warm arms, said “shh, it’s night time now” and left again.
This happened again, over and over. I screamed for you and after a while, longer each time, you would return but you wouldn’t hold me.
After I had screamed a while, I had to stop. My throat hurt so badly. My head was pounding and my tiny tummy was growling. My heart hurt the most, though. I just couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t come.
After what felt like a lifetime of nights like this, I gave up. You don’t come when I scream, and when you do finally come you won’t even look me in the eye, let alone hold my shaking, sobbing little body. The screaming hurt too much to carry on for very long.
I just don’t understand, mummy. In the daytime when I fall and bump my head, you pick me up and kiss it better. If I am hungry, you feed me. If I crawl over to you for a cuddle, you read my mind and scoop me up, covering my tiny face with kisses and telling me how special I am and how much you love me. If I need you, you respond to me straight away.
But at night time, when it’s dark and quiet and my night-light casts strange shadows on my wall, you disappear. I can see that you’re tired, mummy, but I love you so much. I just want to be near to you, that’s all.
Now, at night time, I am quiet. But I still miss you.'

She doesn't understand why it's angered me. In my opinion, it's emotional blackmail and utterly manipulative. I did controlled crying with DD1, but she was naturally a good sleeper so it wasn't really a challenging experience. DD2 isn't a great sleeper, and we do try for a few minutes to see if she will settle, but get her back up when she doesn't.
As I see it, this is written by an adult projecting her own feelings about CC onto others through the form of a poor vulnerable baby, it really doesn't sit right with me at all.
I don't really agree with co-sleeping, but I never would post stuff like this to upset people doing co-sleeping.

DuelingFanjo Mon 15-Jul-13 10:27:08

"The 'if you are hurt by this it's because it makes you feel guilty about your choices' attitude is arse too"

I agree.

I find it a bit offensive when people say I am putting my child's life in danger by not having a rear facing seat for example, or that I could have had a better birth if only I had tried more but I don't assume that every time someone posts a link to research on those things that they are aiming it at me specifically.

What is hurtful is when people tell you that you are neglecting/harming your child... i.e explicitly telling you.

In either case the OP had every opportunity to call 'bollox' on the link posted if she wanted to, rather than assuming it was explicitly about her.

HaroldLloyd Mon 15-Jul-13 10:48:04

Research is different though fanjo what if someone posted something along the lines of

Mummy every time we go in the car I get dreadfully upset that I'm pointing forwards is so dangerous mummy oh why oh why didn't you go to halfords.

Klapton27 Tue 30-Sep-14 00:48:57

I co slept but I am trying controlled crying now as my 9mo is waking every two hours. I hate it but that's because of how it makes ME feel, and those are feelings that I am trying not to project. Each to their own but I would never have done it before she was 6 months, or if she is ill or hasn't eaten much in the day.

MrsMook Tue 30-Sep-14 09:02:04

Zombie thread

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Tue 30-Sep-14 09:05:22

It's a very old thread.

Fwiw CC saved my sanity and is a miracle.

Your sil sounds like a dramatic cunt

wingsandstrings Tue 30-Sep-14 09:29:36

A couple of years ago I could have posted this one in return.
'Dear DD, as I heave my exhausted body from the bed to attend to you for the 8th time tonight I reflect on how I am a shell of my former self. Whilst my love for you is boundless I myself have become depressed after 12 months waking every 45 minutes to breast feed you back to sleep. Your brother is having a miserable time because his parents are too tired to parent him properly, and Daddy could well loose his job as a result of your terrible sleeping. I am so sad. I want sleep so badly.'

I think that people who are very against CC (and I was one of them until DD came along) have never had a really bad sleeper. After 12 months of hell we did CC and 3 nights later she slept through and our lives changed.
I think that anyone who puts really strong parenting opinions on FB is asking for trouble - and that smaltzy 'dear Mommy' post is SO passive aggressive. In her favour though she probably didn't think through how it could make some people feel, she probably just liked the sentimentality of it.

Meerka Tue 30-Sep-14 09:47:20

ugh, i hate emotionally manipulative shit like this so much. It makes me actively want to do controlled crying :P

it's right up there with the pro-lifers who are emotionally manipulative and really shit parents who enjoy making their kids cry just to see the tears. Getting what you want by this sort of shit is pathetic

the only reasonable response is 'fuck off'.

<coughs and calms down>

Bambambini Tue 30-Sep-14 09:57:38

This kind of mawkish crap is really vomit inducing. I'm embarrassed for folk that post this kind of crap.

catgirl1976 Tue 30-Sep-14 10:20:35

I did CC and I don't have an ounce of guilt

I wouldn't have an argument with her. I would just think she was a total twunt.

I have seen that pop up on my Facebook and thought it was the most mawkish, vomit-inducing thing I have ever read.

I mentally categorised the person who posted it into the same category as people who "wuff their gawguss l'il man", grown women who like to be called "Princess", people who re-post Britain First toss, UKIP voters and people who could spend an entire day being amused by a bit of fluff they found on their feet.

Rusticated Tue 30-Sep-14 10:22:02

Isn't this an ancient thread? Anyway, there's no excuse for that kind of mawkish, sentimental writing and overuse of the word 'tiny', which has suddenly become incredibly irritating. No excuse even if the author were under one.

LittlePeaPod Tue 30-Sep-14 10:56:25

Op, firstly an apology. I haven't RTFT, very rude however I wanted to respond to your OP. this appeared on my FB news feed via an NCT associate. I have a nearly 9 month old. I simply posted....

"What a pile of guilt tripping, manipulative bullshit. Who actually has time to write this crap".

brainfidget Tue 30-Sep-14 11:59:52

Utterly nauseating post. For that alone she is completely unreasonable.

However, you are also unreasonable for not warning us we might need sick-bags.

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