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... to have an argument with SIL over her post about controlled crying?

(362 Posts)
katykuns Fri 12-Jul-13 11:45:18

Post: 'Dear mommy,

I am confused.
I am used to falling asleep in your soft, warm arms. Each night I lay snuggled close to you; close enough to hear your heartbeat, close enough to smell your sweet fragrance. I gaze at your beautiful face as I gently drift off to sleep, safe and secure in your loving embrace. When I awaken with a growling stomach, cold feet or because I need a cuddle, you attend to me quickly and before long I am sound asleep once again.
But this last week has been different.

Gentle, Tear-Free Sleep Solution
Each night this week has gone like this. You tucked me up into my cot and kissed me goodnight, turned out the light and left. At first I was confused, wondering where you’d gone. Soon I became scared, and called for you. I called and called for you mummy, but you wouldn’t come! I was so sad, mummy. I wanted you so badly. I’ve never felt feelings that strong before. Where did you go?
Eventually you came back! Oh, how happy and relieved I was that you came back! I thought you had left me forever! I reached up to you but you wouldn’t pick me up. You wouldn’t even look me in the eye. You lay me back down with those soft warm arms, said “shh, it’s night time now” and left again.
This happened again, over and over. I screamed for you and after a while, longer each time, you would return but you wouldn’t hold me.
After I had screamed a while, I had to stop. My throat hurt so badly. My head was pounding and my tiny tummy was growling. My heart hurt the most, though. I just couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t come.
After what felt like a lifetime of nights like this, I gave up. You don’t come when I scream, and when you do finally come you won’t even look me in the eye, let alone hold my shaking, sobbing little body. The screaming hurt too much to carry on for very long.
I just don’t understand, mummy. In the daytime when I fall and bump my head, you pick me up and kiss it better. If I am hungry, you feed me. If I crawl over to you for a cuddle, you read my mind and scoop me up, covering my tiny face with kisses and telling me how special I am and how much you love me. If I need you, you respond to me straight away.
But at night time, when it’s dark and quiet and my night-light casts strange shadows on my wall, you disappear. I can see that you’re tired, mummy, but I love you so much. I just want to be near to you, that’s all.
Now, at night time, I am quiet. But I still miss you.'

She doesn't understand why it's angered me. In my opinion, it's emotional blackmail and utterly manipulative. I did controlled crying with DD1, but she was naturally a good sleeper so it wasn't really a challenging experience. DD2 isn't a great sleeper, and we do try for a few minutes to see if she will settle, but get her back up when she doesn't.
As I see it, this is written by an adult projecting her own feelings about CC onto others through the form of a poor vulnerable baby, it really doesn't sit right with me at all.
I don't really agree with co-sleeping, but I never would post stuff like this to upset people doing co-sleeping.

ExitPursuedByABear Fri 12-Jul-13 11:48:59

Where is she posting this?

I have to say, I co slept and her words echo my own feelings but I would never make anyone feel bad about there choices.

ExitPursuedByABear Fri 12-Jul-13 11:49:20

Their. Jeez!

nethunsreject Fri 12-Jul-13 11:49:43

Facebook isn't the place for an argument.

Fwiw, I agree with your SIL. Plus if you are happy with how you did things, then stuff like this shouldn't bother you.

Pennyacrossthehall Fri 12-Jul-13 11:50:04

That is a properly weird FB post. Why did she write it? Does she have a baby and is she doing CC?

DolomitesDonkey Fri 12-Jul-13 11:50:19

"emotional blackmail"? Does her baby read?

CommanderShepard Fri 12-Jul-13 11:50:26

YANBU. It's mawkish sappy bollocks and I say that as someone who co-sleeps as and when necessary. Unfortunately things like this are everywhere.

5inabed Fri 12-Jul-13 11:51:38

I agree with her, if a baby is crying they need something and if that something is just comfort then you should comfort them. It's not about making a rod for your own back or you needing time to yourself it's about a small vulnerable helpless person left to cry. They only stop and give up because they know you aren't coming not because you have "trained" them. If you are angry maybe it's because you feel guilty. If you are secure in what you did, why on earth would you care what she thinks?

nethunsreject Fri 12-Jul-13 11:51:39

I wouldn't post stuff like this on FB though; my friends who did CC did so after much consideration. I'm sure you did the same, OP. Leave it be. It's an argument that isn't winnable by either party.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 12-Jul-13 11:52:09

That is the most vomit inducing thing I've ever read.

anothernamechangerreally Fri 12-Jul-13 11:52:23

I agree with your sil's views in that cc has a negative effect on children but the way she has gone about it is cheesy.

MrsWolowitz Fri 12-Jul-13 11:52:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatWouldBeyonceDo Fri 12-Jul-13 11:53:01

Did she send that to you in the post? Or put it on Facebook? She sounds deranged confused and in need of a hobby.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Fri 12-Jul-13 11:53:56

I hate all that crap people post. They do what they want and we will do what we want. It's entirely contradictory bollocks anyway. You can't say they "don't understand .,,." Followed by all the negative stuff they apparently understand. Ignore ignore its not worth the argument by. Their baby their choice and your baby your choice. Let her have her MK rent of glory while 3000 strangers "like" her copy and pasted status wink

Ashoething Fri 12-Jul-13 11:54:00

I would pmsl if anyone I knew posted this. Drivel.

MrsWolowitz Fri 12-Jul-13 11:54:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Fri 12-Jul-13 11:54:39

MK rent??? Moment Ffs stupid phone

MoleyMick Fri 12-Jul-13 11:55:02


squeakytoy Fri 12-Jul-13 11:55:08

I wouldnt engage in an argument, I would just look at her and think "you ridiculous twat"....

AgnesAndTheOthers Fri 12-Jul-13 11:55:34

what nethunsreject says, ^ this exactly

5amisnotmorning Fri 12-Jul-13 11:55:40

I get those feelings that she is projecting and I agree that may be what the child is thinking. But after nearly 2 years of having no sleep and going to work with less than 4 hours broken sleep, sometimes you have to put the health of your whole family first.

For us controlled crying was a decision made in the cold light of day and I am not ashamed to tell people what we methods we used.

DoJo Fri 12-Jul-13 11:55:45

Wheresmycaffeinedrip - I want an MK rent of glory!! grin

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 12-Jul-13 11:55:46

YANBU this is a load of vomit inducing bollocks. almost as bad as the anti abortion post i saw several people C&P on fb a while back, written from the foetus' point of view hmm

And I'm not just saying that because I have tried CC and it was successful.

ImNotBloody14 Fri 12-Jul-13 11:55:49

I think if you are having doubts about whether some of that stuff was actually how your baby felt then yes, its going to make you feel bad. I think that's the point of it really isnt it? But if you're sure your baby is happy then dont worry about what someone else thinks. Its up to you how you cope with the sleep issue and you have to decide if you're doing the right thing

katykuns Fri 12-Jul-13 11:56:10

She has a baby (8mo) and isn't co-sleeping, but is doing baby wearing. She posts up about stuff about how parents should breastfeed their children... a little preachy. She didn't write the post, copied and pasted it as her status.

I'd like to know if it bothers anyone else that didn't CC, because I don't think my annoyance is because she is making me feel bad, I think it's just a not very nice post and would hate to be someone starting out with CC and feel awful after reading this...

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