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To need you to tell me that this will be great

(34 Posts)
Verycold Thu 11-Jul-13 21:45:10

Going back to work in September after 12 years as a Sahm (teaching). Was thrilled initially to get the job but now terrified. Thinking about all the practical difficulties, especially round childcare. Worried that the children will really suffer from seeing far less of me. Please could you all give me lots of reasons why it will be great and why it was exactly the right decision. Was out strawberry picking with the kids this afternoon and thought "what am I doing?" shock

janey68 Sat 13-Jul-13 11:10:04

I can relate a bit to rabbits post, because my mother never worked much at all after having children yet in many ways it might have been better for her if she had.
She did a bit of part time work when I was at school and it really didn't have any negatives for me at all, in fact I would say the opposite: it helped me see her as a person in her own right as well as my mum, and encouraged me to be more self reliant in little ways.

I only stopped Working while on maternity leaves and even after that there's often a bit of a wobble! It's changing from one phase to another isn't it? So after 12 years its entirely Normal to get the jitters. But you will be fine, your children will be fine and you'll be adding a new and exciting dimension to your life

Verycold Sat 13-Jul-13 10:36:51

Thank you who, not sure about the face though!

Whothefuckfarted Sat 13-Jul-13 08:19:28

This will be great. hmm

Verycold Sat 13-Jul-13 07:58:43

Good luck coolstory

CoolStoryBro Sat 13-Jul-13 00:29:19

Of course you can do it! I am tentatively looking for a job myself (16 years later!) and am having exactly the same wobbles and I don't even have the job yet!! Good luck!

I agree with others, the key is organisation. I make packed lunches the night before, uniform are laid out and ideally bags packed. I get up before the children so I have some quiet time to organise myself.

Simple rules like
Dirty clothes straight in the laundry basket for everyone ( yes you DH)
Unpack you sports bag as soon as you get in.
No TV in the morning

monicalewinski Sat 13-Jul-13 00:14:11

Cloudsandtrees said right at the beginning:
"It will be great for all the reasons that made you start looking for a job in the first place."

Exactly that. Every mum that I know who's gone back to work has had this wobble, whether it's after 6 months, a year or more. To go back after 12 years, I'm not surprised you're second guessing yourself. It will be fine - within a few weeks you will probably look back and wonder why you were so apprehensive.

Best of luck, and enjoy!

mumofweeboys Sat 13-Jul-13 00:12:23


Reassure yourself with 'whats the worst that can happen', if u hate it u leave.

My 4 year old has told me and his beloved granda off several times for picking him up too early from daycare

RabbitsarenotHares Sat 13-Jul-13 00:09:58

My mum stopped work and never returned full-time. She did pt work for a few years but not for long. My father died when I was young and she didn't need to work.

Although she did it so she could be at home for me I really wish she hadn't. It means she's been as good as retired for nearly 30 years. It stopped being a novelty a long time ago and she's had far too many years of empty days. Since I left for uni 15 years ago it's been worse, as she's been on her own much more, and as she'd very much got into the habit of not working she found excuses for not taking any thing I found her, at the same time acknowledging it would do her good.

Personally I feel if she'd not been home all my school life she would have been forced to let me have more responsibility. I wanted it, but because she had nothing else to do I didn't get it. I would be a better person today if she'd let me.

AgentZigzag Sat 13-Jul-13 00:06:21

This is my second from home and I haven't had any outlay yet.

But working from home is the big girls blouse option grin

You're made of sterner stuff than that!

You're going to be able to hear yourself think for more than 7 minutes find yourself again, that's pretty exciting shit.

Verycold Sat 13-Jul-13 00:02:57

I considered retraining to do a job I could do from home but then shied away from the costs, also want the company.

Even though I wish I had now!

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Jul-13 23:59:32

That's awful that they couldn't even keep it in if they did have any reservations.

If you think it's because they don't reckon you can do it (I'm hoping it's because they thought you'd prefer to stay at home), I'd use that as a good backup for if you feel a bit wobbly about it, do it to prove to yourself (and them by default) that you can.

Your role changing might unsettle them a bit, that they're used to thinking about you in a certain way/in a certain pigeon hole in their heads, people don't like change grin

I'm not good outside the house anyway Verycold grin but I would have given it a go if I had to. I'm not bringing in too bad a wage from the computer, so even if it's not as much as working in 'RL' I can't put a price on me not having to go out.

Verycold Fri 12-Jul-13 23:51:55

I have no idea, I was quite shocked that They didn't at least pretend to be pleased for me!

So you decided not to work outside the home ZigZag?

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Jul-13 23:49:18

I meant to ask why you think people have looked aghast at you when you've told them.

It's a lot for three people to think they've got the right to an opinion on whether you work or not, why weren't they happy for you?

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Jul-13 23:47:11

Thankfully I'm working from home at the minute, but I hadn't had any paid work for 14 years.

I have had times where I thought I'd have to go out to work, and thought the same things as you.

There wasn't an aspect of it that didn't alarm me, what would happen to the house, the children, would I be able to keep up the energy levels, is the money worth the upset etc etc.

Even though DH doesn't mind doing stuff round the house, after so long with me doing it he's struggling a bit to see it as his responsibility. It's not done maliciously or because he's lazy, it's just such a huge role shift for both of us.

So I would say, as Imperial suggests, instead of saying 'you're going to have to help out more', to actually set it in stone, and start before September so you can iron the creases out.

Be prepared for it to be a shock to the system and keep your eye on a couple of months down the line when it's settled down.

You will be OK smile

Verycold Fri 12-Jul-13 23:43:54

Yes I think a lot will be about reeducating the family, they are all so used to me being around to do and organise everything...

Spermysextowel Fri 12-Jul-13 23:33:57

I'd say being organised is more important than a cleaner. I used to go into a frenzy the night before the cleaner was due; then I realised that cleaning somewhere that's tidy is sooo much easier so now we have a carrot/stick system related to pocket money.

Mine are lots older now than when we started this 3 years ago but 1 night a week one of them will cook & the next week it's the other's turn. It usually needs a degree of help but as I'm normally home by 6.30 it means that the prep is done & I just have to supervise the crucial bit so we don't get food poisoning.

It will be different; all working parents spend their time dashing around thinking they're not doing either 'job' properly but you will find the way that suits you all best.

Good luck & be confident!

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Jul-13 23:17:34


Think of the things you will always need. Start to make a list - you have a couple of months to prepare.

Start the cleaning up thing with the kids well before the first day of term.

Oh and do you do anything regularly like listen to The Archers or watch a soap? If so, that's the kitchen time (if you have a radio/tv in there.) So like Pavlov's dog, as soon as it's time for the program you go into the kitchen and prepare the dinner for the next night. Do you have a slow cooker? It would make a fanatastic difference to your life. Get it ready at night and switch it on first thing in the morning. Find some really, really simple things that you can shove in there.

When the children come in from school they have to empty their lunch boxes and the two older ones have to wash them out. One washes, one dries. The youngest one puts things into the boxes - eg fruit or biscuits. That will take them two minutes and if they don't do it, the biscuits don't go in. Or are they going to have school dinners?

Verycold Fri 12-Jul-13 23:06:02

Definitely getting a cleaner.

Verycold Fri 12-Jul-13 23:05:32

Brilliant tips Imperial thank you, exactly what I need thank you!!

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Jul-13 23:03:20

You really need to make this work for you. Firstly, could you afford a cleaner? This will save you a hell of a lot of problems as people in the family are used to you doing everything. Then, make a deal that one night mid week is takeaway night. Do you make packed lunches? Buy for the month, whatever you can. Make sure you always have tons of tin foil, plastic bags etc because you will run out and it'll be a bloody nightmare.

Link the 12 year old's pocket money to his/her homework. Make it a really good deal so that the others want it. No pocket money if you have to even persuade him/her.

On Friday night say everyone has to do one hour of tidying and then they can have a treat. This includes your husband. If your cleaner comes on a Friday obviously don't do this then but switch to the mid-week takeaway night. Put in the order for 45 minutes' time then everyone runs around cleaning and tidying - strict demarcation of jobs, too.

When you're at work, hopefully you'll have access to a fridge? On a Monday take it your drinks and fruit for the week and boxes of crackers, cheese etc in case you forget your packed lunch. Be really, really organised with this otherwise it means queuing at work and that takes too much time.

Verycold Fri 12-Jul-13 21:40:37

I will be teaching secondary. The children are 12, 10 and 7.

Shootingstar79 Fri 12-Jul-13 21:38:12

what year group will you be teaching? And how old are your children?

Don't feel guilty smile. people told me it would be harder on me than them when I returned and it's so true. I do miss out on things/times with them obviously but I really don't feel they have missed out at all. They have even stronger relationships with grandparents now and really it is all fine smile

how old are your kids? I assume they are at school? then they are old enough to understand that job = happy mummy and more money to do good stuff, and i guess old enough for you to spend quality time with them after school (you can go strawberry picking at 5,6,7 pm) rather than having to get them into bed as soon as you get back.

Congratulations on your new job, you must have really impressed to get it after 12 years out of the profession.

Verycold Fri 12-Jul-13 21:31:55

Can I just keep whinging to myself? Dh is being an arse. Today 3 people I told in RL Looked aghast when I told
Them I was going back to work. Pfffffffff

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