to be dreading the school summer holidays? they make me feel lonely :((62 Posts)
my dcs are 4 and 7
i always feel like everyone else will be having loads of fun days out and meet ups and generally hanging out with their friends and their friends dcs
we haven't really got anyone like that, and dh works FT so its just going to be the 3 of us most days (i work 1 - 2 days a week)
i always thought before i had kids that when i had them i would automatically meet loads of other mums and have this amazing social life, but it just has never happened for me
I dread taking the dc out because I know I will be surrounded by groups of mums - some of whom stare because I am by myself.
I just think I'm not very good socially and have given up trying to change it.
No advice, sorry. Just wanted you to know you are not the only one.
Have you tried a mumsnet local meet up? There's a lot of parents like you so you could always ask if anyone wants a meet up. What about a 'bring a plate' meet up in the park? Children get to play, you get to natter so it's a win win situation.
I dread taking the dc out because I know I will be surrounded by groups of mums - some of whom stare because I am by myself
same jumpingjacks !
don't get me wrong, i do HAVE a few people i can call good friends
honest but most go to work. and one or 2 of them don't have DC anyway and are not kid people so if we do ever meet up with my dcs with me it feels a bit awkward iyswim.
i feel bad thinking this as i know i am quite fortunate being at home with the dcs most of the time, but i feel i am not making the most of it
It's not really as you imagine you know...most people lead boring lives. Facebook is the edited highlights!..can I suggest that you all get cycles and get out and about on them? We've met lots of other local families through that...we also volunteered to tidy up a local pond and it was great. We've made freinds with a local family.
Would you feel confident sending round a group email to other mums in their classes before the end of term, suggesting a picnic in the park or a swim or cinema visit? Even if just one mum replies to one of the suggestions, you have something set up.
If your DC have any friends they'd like to see, instead of setting up playdates, call the mums and invite them over for lunch too. That way you might get to know them better.
Do you have family you could visit? Or who could come and stay with you?
Are there any churches in your area that run summer playschemes? Some of those are designed to encourage mums to stay and get to know each other.
If you don't feel comfortable being the one who makes the first move, then it helps to make plans anyway, just for the three of you, so you're not waking up thinking how will we fill all these days.
Book them onto a playscheme one week in the middle, so you get a breather, and apart from that, organise one day out and about, one day lazing at home or doing some home-based project like sorting out their rooms, making crafty stuff etc.
And head for the park every day, as you may bump into people that way.
Oh it is difficult, isn't it. Especially if you are not the most at ease socially like me. I have had to challenge myself to make the first move, I go to sessions at children's centres, classes etc. with my DDs and have got chatting to other mums. When I have invited anyone round they have always accepted. I even got chatting tossomeone in Tescos once and she invited us to play and we still meet up occasionally. I would say go to anything you can find and just suggest having people round, it can be uncomfortable but it works.
If you are anywhere near east London, come and play, the holidays are hard!
I think it helps to try and organise things before you break up, you need to be proactive and ask the children's friends around for play dates. Look in the local papers for events going on, the primary times is a good source and persuade DH to take time off for a family holiday. Before you know it the 6 weeks have flown by! Personally, I do meet up with friends but I am just as happy spending time with the 3,DC's on my own, it's sometimes nice to have a break from the whole school thing. I really don't think people judge you for being alone.
The summer holidays is a good excuse to ask some of the mums at school to swap numbers so you can arrange playdates etc. Be brave!
I by no means have a heaving social calendar but am looking forward to time alone with my DC. You won't be the only person at the park/swimming pool/wherever without bunch of mates, we just don't stand out as much I suppose. I enjoy chatting to others when I'm not with friends so look out for others on their own. The big group of chummy mates you see in the park might have spent the last week on their own with this as their one social 'event' so don't think the grass is always greener either.
I'm always the one on my own in parks and soft play.
Rare times I meet with ds friends mums ( who I get along with and enjoy spending time with) it's just getting the time to meet up with them with me being in work.
Any Teessiders? Stockton? Middlesbrough? Darlington? Looking for meet ups!
no where near drseuss sorry
i would never dare approach any of the school mums. its just not that kind of area round here. plus am cripplingly shy and awkward with people i don't know so its a vicious circle
once i get to know people i am fine, i can be myself and become completely different, outgoing and talkative but its just getting through that initial bit
well i am going to make lots of plans that just involve me and the dc anyway. at least we will be getting out
Dirtyface you sound like me, I just can't do that initial chit chat stuff, which is why the friends I do have, I met through work!
I feel so useless when I watch other people chatting to people they don't know. I work f/t though so I don't have the holiday loneliness thing, my dp does though-even harder for a shy man to socialise with kids!
Could you invite your dc's friends round occasionally? Ask them if they have a friend or two they particularly like then before the end of term put a note in the book bag of said friends saying your dc would like to meet up over the summer, here's my mobile number? You never know it might lead to something.
I know what you mean though.
how about texting a few of your dcs friends mums? asking if anyone fancies a picnic or cinema or something ?
if you feel a bit awkard asking its easier to text
Could you approach the parents of any of your dcs friends and ask if they'd like to get together in the parkor for playdates in the holidays? Then ask for their no.
I think most people feel nervous doing something like this. I'm so thankful that I had people who approached me like this because I was too nervous to do it myself. Now I know that's what people do, I have no qualms about doing it myself.
Also, look for activities run by your council. Ours do loads of stuff in libraries and local parks etc. You often have to book but they're run for groups and often people will start chatting to each other.
I am always usually on my own with dcs. Took them to a big park and I was the only mum there not in a group. I do have lots of friends with dcs but they are either working or they have kids who are happy to stay at home for 7 weeks! It doesn't really bother me-I will take a book or mn on my phone.
I used to swap mobile numbers with a few of DCs friends parents before school broke up, jot down when people are away, and on random sunny days just do a general shout out by text ' Going to * park for a picnic lunch today/ tomorrow if anyone is free to join us from 11 onwards'... sometimes there were just a couple of us, sometimes a lot.
You may find that many mums/carers have the same problems as you.It became a standing joke that I became the summer organiser, but only because it grew each year, especially if they invite others too.
Maybe worth a try?
If you are very shy, make it all about the children. You have next week to write a few notes to the children your children like, putting your name/address/phone no and an invite to play in the holidays in their bag. I have found friendships have shifted over the years and we still get/issue new invites from time to time. Just do it- even one or two playdates for them over the summer will make them feel more popular and you can chat to the parents when you go out.
I don't mind being alone, I parent alone most of the time so am used to it, but I do take your point it can be quite difficult when everyone else seems to be in families/large groups, but single parents/one parent taking the kids out is common. I take my Kindle or a book to the playpark, don't really care what others think, I see my two playing as an opportunity for me to relax and read. Or take knitting, or the crossword, or anything that keeps you busy and that you enjoy. I find it excessively boring sitting in playparks/on the beach and this really saves my sanity.
What's stopping you asking people to meet up? Just ask them, they might say yes. If you feel uncomfortable you could say it's your dcs pestering to have their friends over to play.
I realise that's easy for me to say. I am quite happy to be on my own with the dcs. We are in the UK for 10 weeks and DH is working in the country where we live the rest of the time, and although we'll be pleased to see him again in August, I'm really enjoying doing whatever I want with the dcs and not having to consider someone else! In the evenings when they're in bed I can watch whatever I want on tv and eat what I fancy!
I'm the same as you, I've an only child so just become a child so he has someone to play with. I am normally the one climbing on the slide, getting my face painted.
I've learnt to have an inner voice that says 'stuff them'.
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