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to be disappointed that she let my DD burn...

(108 Posts)
momb Wed 10-Jul-13 15:20:39

my Dd is 8 and has never had sunburn, until this Sunday.
We were at a music festival over the weekend and were all hatted, creamed and wearing shirts.
When we got home DD went to call for her friend next door and was invited in. 2 hours later she is home crying because her back is bright red and really hot. They had been playing in the paddling pool and had stripped down to their knickers. I have no issue with them playing in the water, but if they were over here I'd put shirts on them and/or smother them in cream.
I'm very disappointed and actually quite cross with my neighbour. Am I being unreasonable?

SummersHere Wed 10-Jul-13 15:52:41

It's really not unlikely. My friends dad died of skin cancer recently and had never sunbathed in his life. He cycled everywhere though and got cancer on his back through t-shirts.
I agree at 8 your dd is old enough to be aware of the need for sunscreen. It's really not your neighbour's responsibility.

thebody Wed 10-Jul-13 15:52:51

Amazed at parents applying sun cream to others children.

As a TA we can't and as a CM I had to have written permission.

Children have allergies to sun cream etc and reactions can be fatal. Not neighbours place.

ENormaSnob Wed 10-Jul-13 15:54:06


My 8 year old is always playing out and she wouldnt go in a paddling pool without asking me first. At which point she wouldve had cream put on.

SparkyTGD Wed 10-Jul-13 15:54:42

I ask my DS friends if they have cream on, they're 8 & not daft, they know if they have cream on.

mrsravelstein Wed 10-Jul-13 15:56:03

my kids have olive skins and i almost never put suncream on them in british sunshine unless they're going to be out in it for ages. so it just wouldn't occur to me to put suncream on a visiting child, i don't think.

usualsuspect Wed 10-Jul-13 15:56:15

I'm amazed anyone would let a child in their care,play in a paddling pool without sun cream on.

At the very least the neighbour could have asked op

OohMrDarcy Wed 10-Jul-13 15:57:08

I don't understand the people saying she the adults should be responsible, my DD is 6.5 and is happily responsible for suncream - we put it on in the morning, she takes it to school with her and tops up at lunchtime, if we are out - she will more often than not remind us that she needs more, if she is stripping off she will automatically either get it herself or ask us for help

I would not be happy to be honest, no way would I let visiting children play out in full sun without either checking they had suncream on, making them wear a tee shirt, or keeping them in the shade. I would also ask the parents if they had sun cream on already. Presumably they protected their own child, so why did they not check yours?

D0oinMeCleanin Wed 10-Jul-13 15:57:55

I'd be very reluctant to suncream another person's child unless I had their permission.

Dd1 is allergic to many, many suncreams. If someone covered her with any kind of cream without checking with me first I'd be very annoyed, although she is now old enough to tell people she is allergic and knows when she needs suncream on.

I would've asked the child if she had suncream on and sent her home for some if not.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Wed 10-Jul-13 16:00:14

Did you not think to call over the fence and ask your DD if she had suncream on? confused


Josie1974 Wed 10-Jul-13 16:02:15

I would b v annoyed. I would never assume a child had suncream under clothes, v surprised that anyone would assume that.
In fact I would ask child if they had suncream on their exposed parts. If you are looking after someone else's child you have responsibility to care for them adequately.
I'm v surprised anyone thinks YABU, I wouldn't want any of those people looking after my child.

mynameisslimshady Wed 10-Jul-13 16:02:20

I would have went to check on my child in that length of time tbh. Its pretty obvious that 2 8yos aren't going to be indoors playing on a roasting hot day and it would have needed to be topped up anyway. Sorry but its your fault.

Slipshodsibyl Wed 10-Jul-13 16:02:52

If you fear allergies - and if they are serious you would likely know - then you should check with the child or keep a t shirt on. The neighbour was in loco parentis for the time the child was with her and should have protected her. If, as a TA or CM you R aware you need permission to apply cream i would assume you are also aware of the dangers of not applying it. and they are far more common than a fatal allergy, which, after 17 years living in the Middle East and Asia and four children, I have never heard of. I am also impressed at the large number of 8 year olds described here who are so responsible!

froubylou Wed 10-Jul-13 16:04:53

My DD asked if a friend could come for tea last night. They are 9. As they were in school uniform (and very hot) both girls changed into strappy tops and shorts to play in the garden.

As soon as they appeared I smothered both children in factor 30.

The little girl was at my house, therefore my responsibilty to keep her safe and healthy. And if that involved putting on suncream then so be it.

In the unlikely event of a mild allergic reaction to it, I'd rather she have gone home with an allergic reaction than burns. I would expect another mother to mention an allergy like that given the weather.

And even if I had asked the little girl if she had been wearing any and she had said yes I would have still put some more on. Better wasting a handful of cream than a child burning.

We're having a BBQ on saturday afternoon. The pool will be out and there will be children. I bought a huge bottle of factor 30 yesterday for them all, plus dug out a few spare t shirts for those that don't have them. These children will be with parents but I would still feel responsible if they burnt at my home, especially in the paddling pool.

I wouldn't expect someone to let my DD play outside in sub zero temps in the wrong clothes and come home with frost bite so why should sun burn be any different?

MrsMelons Wed 10-Jul-13 16:05:15

Allergies would not cross my mind and I would expect a school age child to know if they are allergic to sun cream TBH.

I think all you can do is inform your DD about making sure she does not take her clothes off without having cream on and if she goes to play at a friends or neighbours then send her with cream.

AnaisB Wed 10-Jul-13 16:08:16

Yanbu, i would have asked the child if they had cream on and given them a t-shirt if not.

I thinks its nice to look out for each others kids a bit.

Your neighbour is probably feeling awful if she sent your dd home in tears after getting burn.

AnaisB Wed 10-Jul-13 16:08:33

Yanbu, i would have asked the child if they had cream on and given them a t-shirt if not.

I thinks its nice to look out for each others kids a bit.

Your neighbour is probably feeling awful if she sent your dd home in tears after getting burn.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 10-Jul-13 16:09:25

I wouldn't apply sun cream to another person's child but I would ask that child if they had sun cream on and not let them strip off/send them home for some

Unless you knew she was going in the paddling pool, sh'es not likely to already have cream on her back etc

I don't think it's your neighbours fault exactly, but I think she should show as much consideration to your child as to her own

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 10-Jul-13 16:11:36


An adult should at the very least be responsible for asking a child whether she has sun cream on. Not every child is a savvy as yours.


momb Wed 10-Jul-13 16:13:15

Thanks for your thoughts. I don't think I'll mention it to her (the neighbour). Certainly my DD won't take her top off again without coming home for cream, as she has had a fright, so perhaps a single incident will make her more aware.
Because I burn very easily I am somewhat over zealous: she was (we all were) wearing factor 50 cream and the children were all in sun-safe clothing so I hadn't creamed their torsos. TBH I don't think it even entered her consciousness to come home for cream, and she took her top off because her friend did. The burn wasn't from the festival because she was wearing a sunsafe top with a strappy dress over it and the area burned would show the strap marks if the sun had made it's way thoough the top.
I guess I was surprised because there is no way i would have let that happen to someone elses child as I am so aware of this.

FourLittleDudes Wed 10-Jul-13 16:15:25

I would be annoyed with the neighbour.

I wouldn't put suncream under clothes as I wouldn't be expecting him to take his top off.

TreesAndFlowers Wed 10-Jul-13 16:15:36

If I'd been out all day I would have put suncream on my child's back under a Tshirt. Because I've found that DS burns through clothing without.

Are you sure DD's burns weren't incurred at the festival? Seems very quick to burn if not.

ihearsounds Wed 10-Jul-13 16:17:02

Children are responsible for it at school, so should be at other peoples homes as well.
Did you not hear your dd next door in the garden, or here dad. Why did neither of you think to call over?

Cravey Wed 10-Jul-13 16:17:43

Yabu however as someone else said if I was letting children in a pool I would be making sure they had t shirts on. I wouldn't put cream on someone's child as the allergy thing would scare me.

WorraLiberty Wed 10-Jul-13 16:22:27

If you're over zealous, are you sure she was crying because of the pain and not through fear?

2 hrs in a paddling pool where her skin will feel cool and then to be crying straight away, would indicate to me that it might be more through the fear of seeing the sunburn.

Either way, I'm sure she'll learn to keep her top on in future.

Hope she's ok.

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