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To sellotape a bow to her head and have done with it?

(104 Posts)
DuchessofHaphazard Tue 09-Jul-13 16:26:05

Whenever I take DD (8mo) anywhere, she always gets mistaken for a boy. This doesn't bother me at all - she's bald as a coot, never wears pastel pink (hate the colour), rarely wears dresses, is often in some of her brother's hand-me-downs, and let's face it, babies of that age are are often pretty andogynous anyway.

So anyway, I really don't care if people think she's a boy - it matters not a jot. If they ask 'his' name, I'll tell them (obviously girl's name), or say '"she's 8mo" or whatever. The past few weeks I've had people absolutely ranting at me, telling me I should make it clear she's a girl, I should stop putting her in boy's clothes (once she was wearing stripy yellow and brown leggings, once a blue and white spotted dress ), I'll scar her for life if I insist on dressing her as a boy, she's very ugly for a girl (silly cow, she's gorgeous), plus a whole load of other crap, and I'm fed up. I don't care if people think she's a boy, but I do find some of the comments quite hurtful.

Do I just shop with a load of nutters? Today, for example, she's wearing stripy multicoloured leggings with bows on and a bright purple t-shirt, and I still had some arse of a woman telling me off for dressing her in boy's clothes. So, WIBU to sellotape a bow to her head? Alternatively, if anyone could come up with a good response for me ("did you mean to be so rude" just escalates the ranting), that would be fab!

Badvoc Wed 10-Jul-13 12:36:02

Someone actually told you your dd was ugly?
<shakes head at the mind numbingly shitty, crass, cruel and vindictive things people say>

DuchessofHaphazard Wed 10-Jul-13 12:31:19

Snort at babygros with "THIS CHILD HAS A VAGINA" on them. I just really don't get the people who ask "Are you sure?" or try to convince you that you're wrong. I have to say, after having DS I was ready for all sorts of judgy comments, but I never thought I'd be told off for the clothes I put on DD.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 10-Jul-13 11:39:33

I always wonder if they would say yes if you offered to strip your babies nappy off and prove it!

elfycat Wed 10-Jul-13 11:28:23

A daft lady in a supermarket told me off for having a girl. Apparently she had a 'boy shaped head' confused DD1 was about 6 months at this point.

WTF is a boy-shaped head?

I didn't over-pink her and she was in a navy blue Kari-Me wrap, but still.

jeanmiguelfangio Wed 10-Jul-13 11:15:37

People are strange my 4 month old DD always gets mistaken for a boy when she wears all pink, but today in navy blue she is a girl!!
I can't quite imagine why it matters to some people, and I've been told I'm misleading. Apparently we are dressing our babies for other people- who knew?? I also love the ones that say "are you sure?" hmm

Stinkyminkymoo Wed 10-Jul-13 11:11:42

Argh! I sympathise and would just tell them to fuck off.

My dd is 11mo and wears what I consider to be normal clothes. Some items are pink but many are blue too as well as greens, reds & yellows. Big deal!

I hate, hate hate this fucking pink/blue/gender obsession people have and the hideous pinkification of everything.

She's a baby and won't get scarred by wearing any other colours FFS!

Aniseeda Wed 10-Jul-13 10:47:55

I once had an elderly lady telling me that, no, I must be wrong and my DS must be a girl because his eyelashes were too long to be on a boy!

Someone once said to my mum "oh this must be your little boy" about my sister who wearing a dress and aged about 6 - she did have very short hair, that hideous style that hairdressers in the 1970's were so good at and which mum basically forced us to have until we were old enough to rebel, but even so! Sister was most offended!

People are strange!

I don't remember DD being mistaken for a boy, though some people must have assumed she was as she would often be out and about in a Paddington bear sleepsuit and blue blanket handed down from her brothers. She was also bald until she was getting on for two!

OTheHugeManatee Wed 10-Jul-13 08:25:09

Next time someone comments like that, look horrified and screech 'OH NO! RILLY??? AM I GOING TO GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE GAY????'.

sashh Wed 10-Jul-13 06:50:14

Are you naturally so rude or did you have to study?

Gender is a social construct I do not wish to bestow on my child.

It's hardly my fault you are too thick to realise she is a girl.

bugsybill Wed 10-Jul-13 03:32:02

I wouldn't do headbands though, they look silly and I think must be a choking hazard.

bugsybill Wed 10-Jul-13 03:29:12

What rude people you meet!

My son has a purple shirt that has some small pictures that are of a sea/surf theme (but i think it is still much more masculine than feminine) and whenever he wears it people think he is a girl, I don't correct them unless he is aware of it and the keep saying it (then I correct it for his sake so he doesn't get confused). He always wears it with neutral blue, brown or khaki bottons and a "boy" hat and trainers, but all people seem to notice is the purple. I think it is funny and just a sign of the times.

Onetwo34 Wed 10-Jul-13 03:11:29

Fake eyelashes. Solved.

NapaCab Wed 10-Jul-13 02:52:16

Just saw the baby bows: it's too subtle in my view. Instead they should print up signs that Velcro to the baby's clothes saying: THIS CHILD HAS A VAGINA in bold letters. That should remove any doubt for photos, visits etc.

And what if you have a pretty boy like me? What is the male equivalent of a bow? A little football glued to his head? A car? The mind boggles...

NapaCab Wed 10-Jul-13 02:39:32

My DS is very pretty, golden curls, blue eyes and baby doll eyelashes etc so sometimes people think he's a girl. It irritates me sometimes I have to admit but children under 2 are very androgynous.

If it bothers you, OP, then by all means get your DD a giant plastic pink hairband with a big bow for her non-existent hair but you seem chilled out about it so I'm sure you don't need to!

lisianthus Wed 10-Jul-13 02:20:51

Wow. There is more looniness in the world than I thought possible. Gluing a bow to a baby's HEAD? Hairpieces for babies? What on earth do these people think would happen if their child was thought to be a boy? Spontaneous combustion?

Your daughter is adorable. You do know some complete nutters though. I am in favour of the FTFO response for the kind of person who tells you your baby is ugly.

Or, if the person is female, look her in the eye, smile and respond "You have a moustache".

ljny Wed 10-Jul-13 01:06:02

a woman tell me off for having DD in a blue baby carrier on my front, as apparently this was misleading people into thinking she was a boy

Was she offering to change the baby's nappy?

<can't think of any other reason it matters>

InsomniaQueen Wed 10-Jul-13 01:01:58

Although I totally feel for you OP - I have been side tracked by the 'baby bangs' DD was born with a full head of hair which now reaches 3/4 of the way down her back at 15 months - I'm tempted to buy her some 'baby bangs' for a laugh grin !

SlumberingDormouse Wed 10-Jul-13 00:57:15

I was always mistaken for a boy as a young child; now I have waist-length blonde hair and am hardly ever seen in trousers. Don't worry about it! They're the unreasonable ones, not you. And as for the comments about your DD being 'ugly for a girl'... Simply vile, and not worth any further thought.

rootypig Wed 10-Jul-13 00:47:21

It is a truly American form of bonkersness. Unfortunately MIL is the most bonkers of them all.

But then I think, I was berated in the M&S bloody refund queue for having DD in a green hat - "that colour? On a girl?!" "er yes. It is green" - and think that the English are just as bad in their own way.

Yes, it is truly sad, and I hope that DD enjoys and wants to continue wearing a range of bright colours when she's old enough to express an opinion

(MIL: "if she wants to dress like a princess, who am I to stop her?" .....<eye roll, sigh, bangs head off wall>)

DuchessofHaphazard Wed 10-Jul-13 00:37:29

rootypig - I'm sorry, I have to say when I first read your post I couldn't imagine anyone would seriously suggest gluing a bow to a baby's head (and yes, I know you said she was serious). That's mad that it's routine in a hospital - just what you want to hear when you're that knackered and emotional: "Let's take some photos of your baby. Oh she looks like a boy, doesn't she? Well, let's glue a bow to her head for the photos..."

It's really sad actually, why does it even matter?

aldiwhore Wed 10-Jul-13 00:29:32

Find the amusement factor in their embarrassment.

My sons got mistaken for girls until they wore the 'boys' uniform at school, they're very pretty, they have delicate faces and amazing hair that many people seem to think girls should have the right to.

Never get offended. Mildly miffed and roly eyed at others' narrow minds and lack of bravery to ask.

Being ranted at is another matter. If the ranters know your child then they ABU because they already know the gender, if they are strangers, they ABU to rant at you.

Gather some of the replies on this thread and use them with much amusement.

rootypig Wed 10-Jul-13 00:24:19

Guys, when I said my (American) MIL wanted to glue a bow to DD's head I was not joking. She is a nurse on a new mother / baby ward in California and apparently they routinely do this to NEWBORNS for photos. GLUE. In a HOSPITAL.

I am shock and angry and sad all at once. Especially as she is DD's grandmother. sad sad sad

DuchessofHaphazard Wed 10-Jul-13 00:17:26

Oh wow. Just chatting to my sister (lives in the States) about this, and told her about the baby bows. She actually knows people who do this - one of whom is her SIL. People really do buy these things confused

shufflehopstep Tue 09-Jul-13 23:37:43

Just clicked the link to that site. Those bows aren't even near the baby's hairline. They look stupid.

LoganMummy Tue 09-Jul-13 23:31:37

Loving this thread!

DS and DNiece who are both 3 love swapping clothes - DS loves the pink leggings especially! Get some weird looks but I honestly don't care.

More stories please! smile

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