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After years of physical and mental abuse we are moving but now I need advice please

(18 Posts)
wehaveourlifeback Mon 08-Jul-13 22:31:26

We are moving in a few days and my dd who is 5 has today become clingy and messed herself,and cries when I leave her at school

I did not make a deal about it but when I leave her at school she told me she was worried I would not come back for her, I feel bad and told her I would never leave her and we are moving it will be ok.

My dd never is like this , that is why I am worried.

We have redirected our mail but had a letter without our new address on it to say all mail will be directed in the next few days,that is ok but.

I was worried as I do not want neighbor's to know where we are moving to,and do not want personal info going to new tenants.

I have tried to call all contact personally but most have requested they need it in writing, or have said wait till your in your new address then call us,is this right?

Please hold my hand I am scared we will be threatened the day we leave infront of my children again for the third time.

Sorry if you think I am being silly.

wehaveourlifeback Mon 08-Jul-13 22:35:11

I can not respond immediately as I am on the Ipad, it does not let me check in to respond.

I have also had a bad weekend everything that could go wrong has gone wrong please, please hold my hand.

fengirl1 Mon 08-Jul-13 22:40:47

Just hold tight to the fact you're moving. In the meantime, if things turn nasty call the police. Your dd will be much happier once you're moved and settled by the sound of things. Do you think the atmosphere at the moment is causing her upset? This may be her way of showing she's not happy. I have no experience of this myself, but wish you well. Hopefully some of the other ladies will be along with some more advice soon!

Inertia Mon 08-Jul-13 22:44:16

Oh love you sound terrified. So does your DD.

Have you tried speaking to your child's teacher? They may be able to offer some in-school support for your DD.

The redirection sounds perfectly normal, the letter going to your old address is just a safety precaution in case anyone maliciously tries to get mail redirected, the new tenants won't get your address from it.

Can you call the police 101 service to make them aware of potential problems if you feel genuinely threatened?

specialsubject Mon 08-Jul-13 22:45:16

re change of address - every change of address to banks etc will generate two letters, one to the old address and one to the new. The one to the old address does NOT have your new address. The redirect should mean that both come straight to you.

pleiadianpony Mon 08-Jul-13 22:55:16

Hi. I'm sorry that you have had a difficult time. Your post is really hard to follow so not easy to respond to I'm afraid.

Your DD's reaction is the reaction of a child having a traumatic and difficult time. She is frightened. I'm guessing you have had some periods of time you haven't been able to be there physically and/or emotionally ?

Children are more resilient that we give them credit for. They can and do recover from periods of difficulty and challenge and behaviours like this can be short term.

I would advice you to keep things really simple for a while. Don't talk about 'we are moving' Talk about today. 'Today you are going to school, mummy will pick you up after x-lesson' when you pick her up, 'now we are going to x, we are having x for tea'

Be as consistent as you can and only tell her about things that you WILL be doing, things in the now. Today. Lots of hugs and reassurance. Children are very very sensitive to our emotions and read us very well. If you are scared and worried she will pick up on it.

Find someone to talk to that can help you feel safe and secure and she will start to feel safe and secure. Hang in there, get as much help as you can and find some ways to handle the panicky feelings that you are experiencing.

You'll both be fine. Your situation is temporary and the feeling you and she are both having will pass.

northlight Mon 08-Jul-13 23:09:12

Can't offer anything but sympathy. I think if you have this thread moved to Relationships you will get a bigger and better informed response. They're very good over there and likely to give you good advice about all aspects of your situation.

paintyourbox Mon 08-Jul-13 23:13:39

Hope your move goes well- sounds like you have had a terrible time.

Not much advice to offer but wishing you the very best. Keep talking.

BridgetBidet Mon 08-Jul-13 23:17:01

To be honest I would have a quick word with the neighbours and ask them not to forward any details. They will probably have heard things and sympathise so don't worry. Incidentally there is no way they can get your forwarding address just because you've had the mail forwarded so don't worry about that.

BratinghamPalace Mon 08-Jul-13 23:22:19

How very brave you are. A few more days and you will be able to breath. Your little girl is scared. Pleia gives excellent advise. I would add that you could recognize her feelings in a small but clear way. "It has been scary". "It is frightening isn't it?" That can work wonders for a small child.
You are full of courage to do what you are doing. You may not feel brave, strong and courageous but that is what you are. Good luck.

quesadilla Mon 08-Jul-13 23:28:57

I don't really have much experience of this and can't offer practical advice but wishing you and your dd the very best. Have courage through this difficult transition and know you are doing the bravest and best thing for her.

minkembernard Mon 08-Jul-13 23:59:51

another one wishing you all the best in your move.
I can understand why you are worried but I think the mail redirect will be ok. if you have time maybe phone the post office to discuss it with them.

i agree with advice above re. DD..also if need be maybe take her out of school just for the days surrounding the move. so she can be with you if you can manage it. or maybe get her to help you by packing some of her things for the big adventure. or involve her in picking colours or furnishings for the new place.

also if you want to come over to the EA support thread. there are others there who have been in a similar position and it is a wonderful source of support and camaraderiesmile

good luck and godspeed with your move.

minkembernard Tue 09-Jul-13 00:01:48

support thread

sashh Tue 09-Jul-13 06:16:01

Don't worry about the redirect letter, that happens all the time.

Your daughter is just feeling the stress. Does she know what moving actually is? Before we moved house when I was 6 I thought we would be like the refugees on Sunday night TV (World at war) and only able to take a few things.

Talk to her about what actually happens with the move, depending on how you are moving explain about the van collecting furniture etc. Ask for support from the teacher, it is possible (although you are asking a lot) for them to look at moving house at school.

Maybe take her out of school for a few days around the actual move, if she is so stressed that she is messing herself your Dr may well give you a sick note, and may prescribe some thing short term to calm her down, you might or might not want that, think about it.

Finally good luck in your new life, you have taken a huge step and you are moving on.

KhaosandKalamity Tue 09-Jul-13 06:49:39

Sorry I am a bit confused, is the abuse coming from a partner that you are leaving or from the neighbour?

KhaosandKalamity Tue 09-Jul-13 06:50:08

Either way good luck and best wishes

wehaveourlifeback Tue 09-Jul-13 09:07:04

Sorry just want to clarify it is not my partner who is abusing me, its my neighbors.

Thank you for all the kind words it will all be worth it when we move.

It gives me satisfaction knowing my children will be safe enough to play in the garden and I can finally get my life back.

minkembernard Tue 09-Jul-13 09:44:55

Good luck.
I am sure DD will be ok once she settles. I used to work with children around that age and wetting themselves was a common occurrence when there was upheaval or if they were being bullied. usually they come good once things settle down. and i am sure she will love her new house and garden.
I hope you get good support from the school and from the police if necessary.
still feel free to come over to the support thread as although it is your neighbours and not your p, there are still many there who have experience of dealing with dcs who have been through a hard time so you are more than welcome to come and rant about the neighbours or to discuss your worries.

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