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to feel a bit upset that my daughter was made to look like she was being unreasonable??

(107 Posts)
mimitwo Mon 08-Jul-13 18:36:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilacPeony Mon 08-Jul-13 21:44:15

God I can't believe that the mother and her friend tried to make out almost that you and your dd were overreacting as it is rite of passage and tried to insinuate that most girls wouldn't mind it. She is sending a dreadful message to her son and i hope that when you speak to the school they make it known that they take it very seriously and will not tolerate it! I've got dds at primary school and i have never heard them mention this.

HarumScarum Mon 08-Jul-13 21:44:16

But why should she wear shorts? It's hot. A dress and pants is hardly unreasonable attire. Maybe the boy should have his hands tied behind his back if he can't keep them to himself. Why should the girl be punished by wearing hot and uncomfortable clothes in boiling hot weather when she hasn't done a single thing wrong?

thebody Mon 08-Jul-13 21:44:47

I work in a school and trust me this will be taken very very seriously.

The boy could be excluded at our school for this.

The mother sounds bat shit crazy.

Inform the school tomorrow.

omaoma Mon 08-Jul-13 21:45:26

honestly, i have no idea why dresses and skirts are still on uniform lists. the boy was very wrong (and his mum wronger) but trousers and shorts would stop quite a large number of opportunities to continue sexual harassment and belittling of women and girls, from schools. don't mean to hijack OP but it makes me apoplectic, i think some headteachers/governors have fetish problems.

your daughter has my huge sympathy and yes, go to the school, it's bloody harassment and hideous that his mum protected him.

rockybalboa Mon 08-Jul-13 21:45:57

What a little shit, your poor DD. definitely have a word with the school.

omaoma Mon 08-Jul-13 21:46:20

ps harum, shorts don't have to be hot and uncomfortable do they?

HarumScarum Mon 08-Jul-13 21:48:26

No, but I imagine pretty much nobody would have wanted an extra layer under their dress today when it was boiling hot. I know I wouldn't personally have chosen to wear shorts under a dress at any time of year. It's, erm, odd. DD went to school in shorts and a T shirt, as it happens, but should she have wanted to wear a dress I honestly don't see why the onus should be on her to wear shorts to prevent some boy looking at her pants!

HarumScarum Mon 08-Jul-13 21:49:38

Also, it is the responsibility of the harasser not to harass. It is not the responsibility of the victim to make him or her unable to do so.

LilacPeony Mon 08-Jul-13 21:50:41

I agree with " it is the responsibility of the harasser not to harass. It is not the responsibility of the victim to make him or her unable to do so."

Fairenuff Mon 08-Jul-13 21:51:16

Girls can wear shorts at our school if they want to but a cotton dress is much cooler.

MrsRochestersCat Mon 08-Jul-13 21:52:53

Why should my daughters loose the freedom of choice because of another's perversions? In what way will shorts prevent this boy (or governor?) from exposing their knickers 'for fun'?

blackbirdatglanmore Mon 08-Jul-13 21:54:11

god, I remember being cornered by three boys and having this done to me, they actually took my pants down as well and said there was poo on them blush there wasn't!

I still remember how horrible that was; yanbu at all. I just wish someone has stuck up for me. Happened in my own garden too!

SodaStreamy Mon 08-Jul-13 21:55:08

Sorry if if missed it how old are the children?

omaoma Mon 08-Jul-13 21:55:15

of course it's the responsibility of the harasser not to harass! but if you do a cartwheel or fall over in a skirt, your knickers show. I don't want my DD to have to worry about curtailing physical play because she's not a boy and thus supposed to wear a dress.

mimitwo Mon 08-Jul-13 21:55:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunshine401 Mon 08-Jul-13 21:55:46

School should ban dresses and skirts??? Really?? That is your answer.. shock.
So when grown women are out they should not be wearing dresses or if they do it gives the boys/men rights to be indecent with her..

RUBBISH!!! OP talk to the Headteacher and get it sorted.

Fairenuff Mon 08-Jul-13 21:59:24

Innocently flashing your knickers doing a cartwheel or any other form of play is very different to being deliberately exposed and made fun of. Children of this age can tell the difference.

FoundAChopinLizt Mon 08-Jul-13 21:59:44


I don't get why a little girl wearing a dress should be complicated. My brothers wore kilts to school in primary. No child of either gender should have to dress to protect themselves against harassment.

MrsRochestersCat Mon 08-Jul-13 22:00:22

Omaoma, I understand what you are saying, but i feel it is far more important for DD to make that choice based on her own activities, rather than on the unwanted behaviours of others towards her? Far better deal with those behaviours?

omaoma Mon 08-Jul-13 22:01:10

you note i agreed she should get it sorted with school, that is not an issue.

and no, i don't think adults should curtail their behaviour and dress to avoid sexual assault. i just note that in a school environment where you want kids to run around and be as fit and physical as possible, girls are punished because our cultural and social norms still mean showing your knickers is a huge shaming transgression with horrible sexual overtones, and it is hugely easy for human beings who unfortunately will bully and belittle wherever they are able, to make that happen.
i'll shut up now, sorry to cause offence

letdownafterletdown Mon 08-Jul-13 22:01:36

I had this with my little girl she was so upset by it , I spoke to her teacher and she took it very seriously, the children had carpet time and were told it was not acceptable, his mum was also informed , she was so embarrassed and was so sorry for wot he did . he never did it again . x

omaoma Mon 08-Jul-13 22:03:23

if cotton dresses are so flipping comfy, why aren't the boys wearing them too? this argument that a dress is practical is nonsense. women wearing trousers for comfort and practicality is hardly pushing boundaries, is it?

i deal with the behaviours, STRONGLY, but i would also remove a ridiculous archaic convention which doesn't help.

Carameli Mon 08-Jul-13 22:03:26

like others here I would be so cross if my boys did this to a girl.
I also have a 9yr old girl and would be emailing school immediately and checking in the morning that something is being done about it.

MrsRochestersCat Mon 08-Jul-13 22:05:36

Omaoma, I am sorry to have upset you. I have reasons for being quite passionate about this topic and may take it too far? Please don't take my comments personally. (I'm on my phone I can't remember how to do it: imagine there are flowers here)

MrsRochestersCat Mon 08-Jul-13 22:10:15

I prefer dresses to trousers and shorts, not due to archaic conventions but because it is quicker to throw a dress over my head than match top and bottom, fiddle with buttons and zips....

That said, I would be very disappointed if the school did not permit shorts and trousers. Similarly, I would be disappointed if a school prevented a boy from wearing a dress - but making girls wear shorts won't fix that.

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