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Children not invited to wedding - I'm not going either!

(198 Posts)
ruby1234 Mon 08-Jul-13 16:09:08

My DC have not been invited to our DNiece's wedding.

Background: DNiece is the DD of my DH sister.
We are not especially close, as DH is 10 years older than his DS and they did not grow up together. Our DC's from both sides are not friends as such, and have not seen each other for a few years.
DNiece is getting married at a small country manor house later in the year. There are only going to be 40 guests at the ceremony and wedding lunch, as this is the maximum amount of guests the wedding ceremony room can accommodate. There is an evening do afterwards with a band, disco and hog roast for 120 guests.
We knew the wedding date a long time in advance, and told DH'sis that we could only go to the daytime as we have a 30th birthday party to go to in the evening.
The invitations have arrived, and while me and DH are invited to the whole wedding including the evening, our DC's have only been invited to the evening - even though DH'sis knows none of us can go to the evening because of the other party.
My DH'mum says that due to only 40 guests being invited, once bridesmaids, parents, aunts, uncles and close friends have been invited there is not room for the 13 cousins (and partners) on both sides of the family, so the decision was taken not to invite any cousins to the day, just to the evening. (None of the cousins are close).
I have sent a no thanks reply for all of us for the whole wedding as I think that families should stick together at times like this, and that all of us should have been invited to the day, especially when they already knew we had other plans for the evening.
My DC are 28 and 22.

My DH'mum thinks we are being unreasonable to not go at all, and none of the other cousins or aunts/uncles seem to be miffed at the rebuff.

AIBU to say no?

Mia4 Sat 13-Jul-13 10:29:31

TheDoctrineOfAllan, my presumption would be the kids were invited to it and the parents out of politeness or relationship to the kids although maybe they are close? I invited my friend's parents to my 30th, they were like secondary parents to me but only one friend's parents.

I find it very unusual these people are kicking off about a lack of all day invite when they're buggering off in the evening anyway for something 'better'

TheDoctrineOfAllan Sat 13-Jul-13 09:08:43

Does anyone else find it unusual that people with 28 and 22 year old children are going to a 30th party?

Mia4 Sat 13-Jul-13 09:05:53

Any update OP? Is it resolved?

Whothefuckfarted Sat 13-Jul-13 08:28:10

You children are grown up. YABU. idiotic

hollyisalovelyname Sat 13-Jul-13 02:45:12

Thanks Sarah

Ipp3 Fri 12-Jul-13 20:38:26


Mckayz Thu 11-Jul-13 21:10:25

I'm really fucking confused.

lougle Thu 11-Jul-13 21:08:43

This thread. Mumsnet in a nutshell grin

SarahAndFuck Thu 11-Jul-13 20:57:43

SIL is being unreasonable.

Her grown-up children might not even want to come to the wedding.

And they are old enough to RSVP to the invite on their own.

SIL is going to another party anyway so all this nonsense about sticking together and blood being thicker than water is just a smokescreen because she wants to have her own way at someone else's wedding for the amount of time she has deigned to be there.

Your DD would be within her rights to un-invite her aunt and uncle and give their places to the cousins if she wants to.

YABU to post a reverse AIBU. Especially over something like this. Most people would have agreed with you anyway smile

SarahAndFuck Thu 11-Jul-13 20:51:22

The OP is the mother of the bride.

hollyisalovelyname Thu 11-Jul-13 20:04:33

Please explain in this aibu post is the op actually the bride?

apostropheuse Tue 09-Jul-13 20:46:05

I hate reverse AIBIs.

They are irritating, stupid, pointless and well they generally piss me off.


GroupieGirl Tue 09-Jul-13 20:41:36

I love a good wedding bunfight thread. This one was shit.

OP if your daughter is old enough to get married then she's old enough to fight her own battles.

Annis WTF?! A hijack, stealth boast, and slightly veiled bigotry all in one.... Well done.

Bogeyface Tue 09-Jul-13 20:38:38

That is the SIL who is refusing to go , not the "SIL" who's DD didnt invite the kids!

Bogeyface Tue 09-Jul-13 20:38:13

Assuming it all true (albeit in reverse!)

then the SIL is being massively U, but has done you a favour in being so. Some people just look for things to be offended by and this is one of them.

SauvignonBlanche Tue 09-Jul-13 20:32:41

Reading the thread s always a good start.

nkf Tue 09-Jul-13 20:30:31

Reverse AIBUs are just made up stories. Even more made up than usual AIBUS. It really brings it home to me how much MN can be a waste of time. I'm off to the credit crunch threads. At least, you sometimes pick up some tips there.

Pagwatch Tue 09-Jul-13 20:09:52


<goes to lie down>

Belchica Tue 09-Jul-13 20:05:21


'At times like this families should stick together'...yet even before the invites you let bride know that her wedding was not important enough for you to be there all day as you had another party to go to. You wrote your own invite in this case! I think you hastily with your reply.

shewhowines Tue 09-Jul-13 20:00:10

Oh sorry just realised its reverse.

shewhowines Tue 09-Jul-13 19:59:30

Wow YABU on so many counts, I don't know where to start.

1. Their wedding is so unimportant to you that you prioritize a 30th party.
2. There are only 40 guests and you think your DC are more important than their cousins, so the rule should be bent for them.
3. You will only go if DC go too.
4. You actually told them all of the above, rather than make some excuse that wouldn't cause offence.
5. You actually needed to ask if YABU.


hollyisalovelyname Tue 09-Jul-13 19:50:44

Tell her 'blood is thicker than water but love is thicker than blood'

happyyonisleepyyoni Tue 09-Jul-13 13:03:27


trackies Tue 09-Jul-13 11:34:25

ephemeralfairy yes I agree. My mum and that's it. I don't get why relatives are more important just cos of shared genetic material. If they were that important then you see them more often

trackies Tue 09-Jul-13 11:31:55

I don't find evening invites offensive. I go if its local. We did evening invites cos we couldn't afford or accommodate all guests during daytime. We certainly didn't do it for more presents or to make numbers up.

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