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To think saying your kid learned swear words at school is a cop out?

(68 Posts)
twinklestar2 Mon 08-Jul-13 15:42:52

Long story short: my sister was babysitting our nephew the other day. She said for an hour he was pretending he had a machine gun and was shooting at her and her children saying 'I'm gonna fucking kill you you motherfucking bastards'.

He's 5.

The parents and grandmother came in and didn't tell him off when we told them what he'd said, they said to ignore him when he says things like that.

Is that right, should we?

Then I heard them saying in the kitchen that he must've picked up those words from school, but do 5 year olds really talk that?

secondchances Tue 09-Jul-13 10:41:07

Caterpillar - nor me. It's no wonder why he gets told off for his language.

quesadilla Tue 09-Jul-13 09:16:19

As a general thing, I am really torn over whether its better to repeatedly correct or to ignore on the basis that kids often do things they know you don't like to wind you up,

My dd is too young for this as she is preschool. She has said "shit" once or twice and I have ignored as I didn't want to stress the importance of the word. In general I am fairly relaxed about moderate use of mild swear words so I don't think "shit" is the end of the world although I will make her aware when she is older that its not an appropriate word for public use.

But if she used the word "motherfucker" repeatedly I would hit the roof. For me the key thing isn't so much whether its a "swear" word, its whether its offensive.

bruffin Tue 09-Jul-13 08:46:07

I know my ds learnt the f word at school when he was 5 He told me who taught it to him. It was the church governor's son who had older siblings. However he knew enough not to use it (in our presence at least). He is 17 now and I know he uses language like that with his friends, but very rarely at home.

MadeOfStarDust Tue 09-Jul-13 08:37:42

We were on the bus the other day (my girls are 10 and 12) and there were a group of teenage boys on there chatting loudly - one started F-ing every other word -

One of the other boys turned to him and said - "Didn't you see the little girls sat there, clean your mouth out you idiot" - his parents obviously cared

My girls were more bothered about being called "little girls" by a gorgeous teenage boy than being sworn near though.... hmm

brilliantwhite Tue 09-Jul-13 08:31:20

they will hear this at school ,most children have older brothers or sisters , some who talk like that .

MrsMelons Tue 09-Jul-13 08:28:11

I would tell them off if they said a word they knew was wrong but if it was a new one I would gently explain. They do know there are swear words they are not allowed to say, they are 5 and 7 and by now have been exposed to plenty of them at school unfortunately.

MrsMelons Tue 09-Jul-13 08:25:19

Yep they would hear stuff like that at school, often from Y1/Y2 children who have older siblings. I just ensure I tell my DSs not to say those words and as a rule they don't. I also try to encourage them not to say words they have heard that they don't know what they mean or to ask us first.

bettycocker Tue 09-Jul-13 04:58:08

Of course children can pick up swear words at school. I learnt "fuck off" at school, although I was already well aquainted with the word "shit" which seems more innocent and acceptable somehow.

YABU. People have older brothers and sisters, may have a group of friends outside of school and hear these words. This is how they pick them up in the first place.

AllegraLilac Mon 08-Jul-13 23:53:39

I learned fuck in reception. A 'naughty' boy had said it and the extreme reaction teachers gave to a word we'd never heard prompted discussion amongst my friends.

I came home, and asked my mum if 'fuck was a naughty word'?

She went white. Looking back, it was hysterical.

AuntieStella Mon 08-Jul-13 23:11:08

Not 'steal' - 'speak'!

WilsonFrickett Mon 08-Jul-13 23:10:30

Let me tell you a true story.

Me, walking home from school drop off. So about 5 mins after the bell had gone.

A father, dropping off his child who I thought was around 11. Clearly they were late. Daughter was swithering about crossing the road, the dad had just crossed and was standing in the middle of the road waiting for her.

Him: for fucks sake you daft wee cunt, you're late. Come on.
Her: sorry dad, I was waiting for the car.
Him: don't be fucking stupid, they'll wait for you. Now c'mon cunt, run.

ANYONE who thinks children at primary school aren't being exposed to bad language is misguided. Which is terrible, really, but it doesn't mean its a cop-out.

I don't think you should necessarily punish, but your sister should have stopped the game, explained we don't use words like that, and if the bad language had continued then there should have been a consequence.

AuntieStella Mon 08-Jul-13 23:10:11

With younger children I'd ignore, or mildly ask them to refrain - on the general principle that I don't want it to become a big thing. If it's more than a brief phase, then I'd meet it with a bored 'say that again properly'

With older children, I'd spell out exactly why it's wrong to swear (or indeed steal excessively aggressively - for the example in op is wrong for more than just the language), and would punish if it persisted.

My DCs sadly know far more sweary vocabulary than my and DH's odd favourite expletives. They didn't get it from home viewing either and yes new swear words are traded with much glee in the playground. But all are capable of restraining their choice of words, and that is the bet you can aim for.

valiumredhead Mon 08-Jul-13 23:06:54

Very calmly explained that they weren't nice words and he'd get into a lot of trouble at school if any teachers heard him. That was that. He's 12 now and is more likely to tell ME off if I swear when I'm drivinggrin

Velvetbee Mon 08-Jul-13 23:04:19

A few weeks after DC1 started school I fell up the stairs. In pain but controlling myself mightily I muttered 'bother' through gritted teeth. Full of concern DC rushed down to me, 'Don't say bother mummy, say fuck'.

twinklestar2 Mon 08-Jul-13 23:03:05

How do you deal with it? Ignore or tell them off?

M0naLisa Mon 08-Jul-13 23:01:30

My son got done for swearing at school in reception last year he said Shit because his friend told him to. So he did.
He got told off by the teacher and by us and hasnt done it since.

valiumredhead Mon 08-Jul-13 22:58:41

Ha ha,I love that people don't believe kids pick up swear words at school. Just you wait...wink

Ds informed that he knew the worst swear word on the whole world when he was 6-cunt! And not long after asked me over cornflakes one morning what a mother fucker wasshock grin

Preciousbane Mon 08-Jul-13 21:14:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twattybollocks Mon 08-Jul-13 21:12:22

It's not a cop out, it's likely true. My ds told me that the older kids teach the new starters swear words so they get told off by the teacher (not seriously told off, the teachers will be well aware of this charming little game I'm sure)
Apparently my ds isn't involved in this at all, as he clearly has wings and a halo. He must think I fell off a bloody Christmas tree. What can I do other than tell him its not a nice thing to do, and if I hear about any involvement on his part, or hear him swearing he will be banned from minecraft for a week, a fate worse than death apparently.

Ludoole Mon 08-Jul-13 21:08:12

After the things ive heard parents on the way to school/on the playground saying, Im really not surprised that kids are using inappropriate language.
If I have my children with me or there are children in earshot, I tell the adult that where as they might not mind their child hearing that language, many parents do mind, so could they please refrain from using it when there are other peoples children around.

Gooeyhead Mon 08-Jul-13 20:38:05

My DD is only 13 months old so my attitude could change but I've always said I'd rather hear her saying "oh bollocks" or "oh shit" to herself if she did something wrong than call someone names or insult them even if it doesn't include swear words (e.g you're thick or you're fat). Of course I'd rather hear neither but if I had to pick I'd rather hear the swear word to herself than an insult (if that makes sense!!)

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Mon 08-Jul-13 20:16:28

I wouldn't let any primary school age child watch celebrity juice! It's filthy, what are some parents on!

congresstart Mon 08-Jul-13 20:11:23

YABU...mine have learned many horrible things, the school is very small so the year 6 kids mix with the little ones all the time, I have had to have alot of talks about sexual stuff aswell that the DCS don't have an understanding of what they are saying.

Many complaints have been made to the headteacher by parents.

secondchances Mon 08-Jul-13 18:35:47

Dd is 6. A boy in her class is allowed to watch Celebrity Juice. Naturally his language is appalling & dd often comes home with swear words & phrases involving them. I think it's not a cop out if it's true, if it doesn't sound likely then there's no excuse.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 08-Jul-13 17:51:58

Not many 5 year olds talk like that, but 5 year olds' big siblings talk like that, or their parents. And 5 year olds at school talk to older children

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