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He is not going on that stag do- AIBU?!

(125 Posts)
paintyourbox Mon 08-Jul-13 09:16:04

Bit of a backstory- DP has zero organisational skills. Last year we missed his friends wedding as he forgot to book the day off work and couldn't get a swap at the last minute. More recently we had to cancel a night out he had arranged as I was working late and he hasn't checked the calendar (where all of my shifts are written!)

I have booked to go on a girls weekend in August. It was booked for Sept but we had to cancel as DP forgot to tell me about a wedding we are invited too! So I ask DP, he says its all fine and go ahead and book.

Tonight he has a look of panic on his face after remembering the weekend I have booked is actually his best friends stag do. Was it on the calendar? No. Had he told me about it earlier? No.

I'm so annoyed with him. We have had so many arguments about this and he still can't sort himself out. To make it worse some of my friends have already booked trains etc so I can re-arrange it now- especially as it was because of me that we re-arranged in the first place.

So I told him that unless he finds someone to have DD (bear in mind our families are 6 hours away) that he will not be going on the stag do!

AIBU? I feel like this is the only way he will learn. I've bought him a diary, we have weekly "meetings" to check in with what's going on and still he doesn't get it!

MortifiedAdams Mon 08-Jul-13 09:17:48

yanbu. Leave him to sort childcare.

Eyesunderarock Mon 08-Jul-13 09:18:10

No, that sounds reasonable.
You go and enjoy yourself, it's his fault. grin

Drunkendiva1 Mon 08-Jul-13 09:18:32

Nope, not at all-his problem so leave it to him to deal with.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Mon 08-Jul-13 09:18:44

YANBU. He needs to learn.

MrsMangoBiscuit Mon 08-Jul-13 09:19:11

Of course YANBU. He's already agreed to have DD that weekend, if he wants to make other plans that's up to him, but it's certainly not your responsibility to make them for him. Try not to get annoyed though, just don't get drawn in. This is his problem to solve, not yours.

Eyesunderarock Mon 08-Jul-13 09:19:18

If he can't organise himself, even with your support, then he misses out on treats. A stag night isn't essential.

aldiwhore Mon 08-Jul-13 09:19:23

YANBU. At all. I fact I think you've been more than reasonable for too long!

dexter73 Mon 08-Jul-13 09:19:53

I think that sounds fair enough for him to sort out dd then he can go.

pictish Mon 08-Jul-13 09:21:19

Yanbu - harsh but fair. If he has form for this, then this is how he learns about responsibility.

mrsjay Mon 08-Jul-13 09:21:45

why should you worry about childcare his mistake he can get a baby sitter if he wants to go, do you know when the wedding is grin

freddiefrog Mon 08-Jul-13 09:22:13


We have a rule - if it ain't on the calendar, it ain't happening, after I got totally fed up with the same scenarios as mention in your OP

After a few mishaps, DH has finally got the hang of it

Eyesunderarock Mon 08-Jul-13 09:23:07

It's the sort of thing I have to do with my DS.
But you aren't his mum, so no arguments or guilt about him missing things that are purely for his benefit.

sooperdooper Mon 08-Jul-13 09:23:45

YANBU, if he wants to go he sorts out child care, fair deal since he didn't mention this stag do until now

It's not until Sep, if he really wants to go that's plenty if time to arrange something

shewhowines Mon 08-Jul-13 09:24:42

YANBU. You learn by your mistakes and their consequences. He's never going to learn if you sort his mistakes out for him.

HuwEdwards Mon 08-Jul-13 09:26:31

Go. If he's that disorganised, he's probably not even got the right weekend for his stag do

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 08-Jul-13 09:28:05

Look, it's unfortunate that this is a bit shit for him, but honestly, what does he expect you to now do? Give up your weekend away because of his mistake?

Surely not. That would be so totally, unbelievably entitled and unreasonable.

This is his mistake. Eiher he fixes it, makes alternative arrangements for your DD, or sucks it up and stays home.

Please don't tell me that you're going to cave in, relent and let him go instead, one he's had an opportunity to wear you down.

pictish Mon 08-Jul-13 09:29:45

Well said dondraper - I agree with everything you said.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 08-Jul-13 09:32:14

I can just see him martyring it up, big style.

But it's my best maaaaate. C'mon, you haaaaaaave to let me go, whine, whinge, paw, guilt-trip.

Don't Let Him Do It.

mrsjay Mon 08-Jul-13 09:36:34

thats what I was thinking don the Op feeling a bit sorry for him him putting on the petted lip quiver her not going to her weekend him skipping off to get pissed with her BFF dont do it op just don't

shewhowines Mon 08-Jul-13 09:36:58

Stay strong

mrsjay Mon 08-Jul-13 09:37:20

with his* not hers cos that would just be weird grin

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 08-Jul-13 09:41:23


Saidar Mon 08-Jul-13 09:44:41


You moved your weekend once already to accommodate. You're not saying he can't go, he can go, if he sorts our childcare like you had to by moving your weekend.

As above: Stay strong.

LemonPeculiarJones Mon 08-Jul-13 09:44:56

Pathetic man!


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