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To not feel like running mother and baby group this morning

(17 Posts)
YummyYummyYum Mon 08-Jul-13 15:57:03

Just read your update, I am glad you got rid of her.

MothershipG Mon 08-Jul-13 15:50:54

Glad the hot weather made you irritable enough to tell this woman to sling her hook! wink

Seriously, well done, I'm surprised the rest of the group didn't give you a lap of honour in a sling on their shoulders! grin

YummyYummyYum Mon 08-Jul-13 15:41:04

I EBF and used sling when baby wasn't too heavy after a EMCS. And I would tell that woman to fuck off. She sounds like someone I met at work. Find a way to kick her out of the group. The other mothers do not deserve any stupid comments.

mrsjay Mon 08-Jul-13 14:31:22

good for you I can imagine her very angry fist shaking Email to NCT grin or look out for a thread very soon wink

thefuturesnotourstosee Mon 08-Jul-13 14:17:26

Miaow you must think I'm bl**dy stupid. Sorry but you must. The mum in question had been talking about it in front of the whole group. I took Mrs. Difficult to one side to the next week to remind her what had already been said because I knew how insensitive she could be. Obviously I wouldn't break confidentiality Sorry I didnt make that clear in the OP

I'm not just standing by and allowing it and I have been countering her comments. This morning she made another rude remark, I took her to one side again told her she was really upsetting people and that she should either think before she opens her mouth or leave and come back when she's ready to be nicer to people. She left but not before condemning my dreadful parenting in loud tones to the whole group and saying she was going to complain formally to the NCT. Apparantlly I'm poisioning my baby by having fed him a jar or two and he'll forever have skin complaints because I like nearly everyone else in the group use disposable nappies.

So she's gone. Maybe now I can start enjoying running the group again. The rest of the group seemed quite pleased too grin

Rght now I'm just hot and irritable so sorry if I'm sounding that way

DameFanny Mon 08-Jul-13 10:03:30

Ask her to leave - she knows everything so she's not there for the support - ask her why she bothers to come and tell her if she doesn't shutup she's out on her ear grin

MiaowTheCat Mon 08-Jul-13 09:54:36

And you'll never change someone like her - with the feeding thing, the most you'll ever get is an "oh but I didn't mean women like YOU - you have a proper excuse" from her. Took me a long while of me falling into the trap of explaining myself and justifying myself to make that realisation and now I simply reply "yes, I'm feeding my child - do you have a problem with that?" because otherwise you're kind of feeding her ego as some kind of vigilante caped crusader policeforce of infant feeding if you sit and offer excuses and justifications to her.

MiaowTheCat Mon 08-Jul-13 09:52:37

So are you going to continue to allow her to basically harass and intimidate anyone who doesn't parent the way she deems suitable?

Considering the NCT seems to desperately be trying to change its image so people DON'T veer away from it for fear of being bashed if they had sections or don't breastfeed or whatever - allowing Madam Rent-A-Gob to have goes at anyone she doesn't agree with seems fairly decent grounds to ask her to fuck off and stop coming to me.

(If I was in the group I'd actually have been making complaints about her behaviour myself these days - back when I had a tiny baby and felt less confident I'd probably just have run away and not gone back if I'd met her)

I'd also be really pissed off if you were using my issues as some kind of fodder to placate her breastfeeding rants - that's a bit of stinking breech of confidentiality on your behalf and I'd be furious if you were sat there going, "Well Miaow had a horrific delivery, prem baby and feeding issues so we need to be understanding about it" on my behalf because none of the women at your group HAVE to justify how their feeding their children (if they weren't feeding them then they might have to!).

It's women like her that make other women avoid the NCT with a wide berth and it only takes one encounter with someone like her for someone in a wobbly place to run back inside the house and not want to come out again for weeks when their confidence in knowing what they're doing is low.

(Give it an hour and the "oh it's justified all the poor bottle feeders are just being hypersensitive" brigade will be along)

BuntyPenfold Mon 08-Jul-13 09:45:42

I think I know her sad or her identical twin.

You can't change her. It won't work.

Will anyone support you in asking her to leave?

LillyofWinchester Mon 08-Jul-13 09:28:53

I think I'd ask her to leave too, she sounds nasty. Can you speak to someone in NCT for advice? Perhaps give her a warning and say there have been complaints about her comments.

mrsjay Mon 08-Jul-13 08:55:18

you can ask her to leave you know would you be up for that she is upsetting the group and probably being rude and tactless on purpose she sounds mean

thefuturesnotourstosee Mon 08-Jul-13 08:53:48

Thank you.

I did have someone helping me until a couple of weeks back but she had to go back to work. I won't be doing it myself past the end of summer as I go back in September so am just hanging on in there now trying to deal with it.

I have tried to talk to Mrs. difficult but she just waves it all to one side. For example I took her aside last week and said "X has had a really diffiuclt time and she's upset about not being able to breastfeed so we need to be really supportive to her". Two minutes later she marched up to X who was feeding her baby and said "that's so artificial its not too late to try breastfeding you know". On another occassion she told a lady who was rocking her baby to sleep in her pram "just get a sling baby just wants to be close to mummy I've had 4 children I know all about it". Another lovely mum was kindly informed that formula lowers IQ!!! Those are just examples which the rest of the group did counter with other comments but its so tiring and I worry what she'll come out with next.

Grrrrr winding me up just thinking about her grin

mrsjay Mon 08-Jul-13 08:44:26

do you have an NCT support you could cal on to see if they have anybody else to run it with you ? and TBH are you able to take this woman aside and tell her to shut it ask her to be a bit more tactful your toddler group is inclusive and you cant tolerate her banging on about feeding choices,

monkeymamma Mon 08-Jul-13 08:31:59

Yanbu to not feel like it. Could you find another mum who could help you run it? Then if you were poorly or busy one week the group doesn't have to be cancelled.

In terms of the mum whose behaviour is leeching your enthusiasm for the whole project. You can either try and temper her comments with more neutral advice of your own - eg when she slates ff then say very loudly and cheerily "well I think its a very personal choice, both options have their pros and cons" - or just deflate with jokey comments (probably what I'd do tbh). Or you can take her aside for a quiet word. Maybe she is struggling herself but masks it with aggression?

Otherworld Mon 08-Jul-13 08:24:52


Running a toddler or baby group is a thankless task at the best of times (been there done that) but adding a difficult person into the mix just makes it far far worse.

Can you have a chat with Ms Loud and Abrasive?

Emilythornesbff Mon 08-Jul-13 08:24:24

Luckily I've never encountered anyone like that but it must be a PITA.
I'm sure the other women appreciate the group, however small.

thefuturesnotourstosee Mon 08-Jul-13 08:20:54

Obviously I will do it but AIBU to feel like NOT going.

I run a small mother and baby group for the NCT. I don't know how I ended up running it but somehow it fell to me after I'd been going for a while. I've stopped enjoying it since a woman turned up who just dominates the whole thing. She is loud, grabs toys from other babies to give to her baby, constantly critisises others (e.g. formula feeders, people who prefer pram to sling) and is generally abrubt and abrasive with the others.

Some of the mums have very tiny babies and had very difficult births and are just looking for a bit of support but though I and some of the others do our best this woman just keeps wading in with "the benefit of my experience". Most of those mums came for one week and have not come back.

Today its hot already. DS had a very bad night. I have a feeling hardly anyone will turn up and I'll be stuck with difficult mum and I don't feel like going. I will of course because I also know that there are a few people who rely on the group for support and don't get out much otherwise.

AIBU to not feel like it today?

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