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About this family occasion?

(64 Posts)
MoleRat Sun 07-Jul-13 16:14:28

My parents are having a big celebration lunch later this month. It's for their anniversary and it's a big occasion, there are about 80 guests attending, all family friends and extended family. I know they have put a lot of money in it, and I was really looking forward to it.

My parents said myself and my siblings could all invite friends, and both myself and my sister have invited old childhood friends, ones which our parents know- we were under the impression as it was a big family occasion they would like to see friends which they have known for years.

Now my 16 year old brother is taking his new "girlfriend". (I use the term loosely as he says they aren't officially dating, but they might eventually) None of our family have met her. This will be the first time any of us meet her, with our entire extended family and family friends.

AIBU to not want her to attend? I wouldn't mind if she was someone who I knew or my parents had met but she is a complete stranger. She also isn't my brother's girlfriend really- I wouldn't invite someone I was seeing for a matter of weeks to a wedding or similar event.

emess Mon 08-Jul-13 13:46:26

YABU. Better the GF comes than have a grumpy DB, potentially spoiling your DPs big day, and risking a rift with your DB surely? Might actually be an easy way to introduce her to the family as the spotlight will be on DPs, not her.

ProperStumped Mon 08-Jul-13 12:52:31

Especially when the older sister seems to have some sort of weird problem with it confused

piprabbit Mon 08-Jul-13 12:43:23

TBH, I hope the GF finds the courage to politely decline the invitation. Being dragged round large, clan parties when you have no idea who anyone is or how they fit into the 'big picture' is pure hell.

ilovechips Mon 08-Jul-13 12:38:06

Allegralilac - but even if he was 36 - that's irrelevant! It is not the OP's party, who her brother brings is absolutely none of her concern if their parents (the actual hosts!) don't mind.

Jenny70 Mon 08-Jul-13 12:36:17


My niece and nephew are close to this age, and to be honest both would rather pull teeth than go to a "family gathering".

Count your lucky stars he's actually coming, most likely will be dressed neatly (to impress potential girlfriend) and will be polite and unplugged from any electronic device.

If potential girlfriend was not coming, my nephew (less so my niece) wouldn't be coming, and if they did it would be complete with sullen expression and headphones on the whole time.

He wants to bring a friend, you have invited friends - don't see the problem at all. (can't see why girlfriend wants to come, but that's her issue, LOL).

whoneedssleepanyway Mon 08-Jul-13 12:34:45

My brother asked if he could bring his new girlfriend that none of us knew to my wedding a week before the date.

Fast forward 9 years and they are now married with a DD and another DC on the way. I am so glad she was there and met all the family.


AllegraLilac Mon 08-Jul-13 12:29:41

He's 16, who cares! They're children!

If he was 36, and this was one in a long string of women that he shags and dumps, I'd agree with you.

But its not, it's two children. You are being ridiculous.

2rebecca Mon 08-Jul-13 12:03:16

Why is it so important that YOU meet her beforehand when it's your parents' party?
If when my kids are a bit older we're having a party and tell the kids then can bring a friend or 2 I'd be upset if my son (the older) told his sister that he insisted on meeting anyone she wanted to bring beforehand. it is very controlling. it's not your party. Back off.
If your parents insist on meeting her fair enough, but you are his equal not his superior and don't get to tell him what to do and who to bring.

ilovechips Mon 08-Jul-13 11:31:50

Just out of interest, what does your sister think? Is she as against it as you? Have you asked your parents what they think (being as it's their party and all...)

Preciousbane Mon 08-Jul-13 09:45:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahAndFuck Mon 08-Jul-13 09:28:38

I'm still actually quite puzzled by this.

Even if you meet her, it will only be the once before the party so she still won't be an old family friend like your guest is.

And you parents still might not have met her at all, so she will still be a stranger to them at their party. Have they said they have a problem with this?

And what if you don't like her? That will play on your mind until the party just as much as not meeting her already is. Or will you ask for her to be uninvited if you decide she's not for you?

I still think that on the day it will be less pressure for her to be there for the first time at a party as part of a large group than it will be to have a meeting with the family beforehand. She's not his girlfriend yet, so a big 'meet the parents' moment seems a little strange for a friend, even if she is a friend with potential. It takes it from all the focus being on meeting her to her coming to a family party where the focus is on someone else and might make her more relaxed.

And you will be busy on the day catching up with the other 80 guests who you do know, so won't really have time to worry about the one person you don't know, you can have a chat and be pleasant to her without having to keep the conversation going all on your own or have her feel like she has been called before you for approval or something.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Mon 08-Jul-13 06:17:58

Why on earth are you so bothered by this...I don't understand at all.

Crumbledwalnuts Mon 08-Jul-13 00:06:10

Oh dear, you had a hard time smile In some ways, so long as your parents are ok with it, it's a nice time to introduce new people, as in, more the merrier, circle of life and so on. I think you'll enjoy it a lot more if you tell yourself (and realise!) that it doesn't really matter. In some ways your parents may be proud that your brother is so proud of his own family that he wants to "show them off", because this will be the full thing, warts and all, speeches, too much booze, family rows (cough!) it will all be on a plate as usually happens at such events, along with the huge amounts of love and warmth. Try to relax about it, I'm sure you aren't batshit at all. I understand why you think what you think, but try to abandon all those thoughts! and you will enjoy the evening more.

FryOneFatManic Sun 07-Jul-13 21:51:10

I agree with the others posting here. It's not your event nor your business who your brother invites.

He's a child of his parents, same as you, and the fact that you are older doesn't give you any special rights over this event.

If your parents don't have any problem with who he's inviting , then it's not up to you to put out objections (and I would guess she is a girlfriend, he doesn't want to admit it yet, and your attitude might explain why).

maras2 Sun 07-Jul-13 21:42:12

You still don't get it do you?

celticclan Sun 07-Jul-13 21:41:57

You are being extremely self-centred. Do you not like your brother?

LouiseSmith Sun 07-Jul-13 21:35:24

That poor girl she is walking into a family home, and you have already taken a dislike to her.

SarahAndFuck Sun 07-Jul-13 21:28:07

YABU. Out of 80 people, one sixteen year old girl you haven't met before isn't going to make any difference to you. No more so than one sixteen year old girl you've only met once anyway, if you do happen to meet her before the party.

And would you feel any better or worse if he'd invited another friend, male or female, who you hadn't met? Is it just the possible girlfriend status that's pissing you off?

Imagine how she will feel. You will already know the other 79 guests, she will only know 1 of them. If your parents were that bothered about meeting her first then they could have invited her home before the party.

I see you have asked to meet her, but perhaps she will feel under less pressure to meet people when the entire focus of the visit is not on her as 'potential new girlfriend' but on your parents as 'anniversary couple'.

Or are you afraid she will steal the limelight somehow?

ilovechips Sun 07-Jul-13 21:27:42

It's none of your business, it's not even your party. It sounds like your parents gave each of you carte blanche to bring a friend - how dare you try and dictate who your brother brings? You are his sister not his mother, just because you are older doesn't mean you get to call the shots. I find the idea of you asking to meet her beforehand really condescending, as if you are trying to vet her in advance. What if you don't like her? You going to tell your parents how awful she is and make sure he doesn't bring her?

Serialdrinker Sun 07-Jul-13 21:20:06

Marking my place for approximately 8 years time when said 16yr old girl comes on to rant about bat shit SIL!

PicaK Sun 07-Jul-13 21:14:24

Are u sure you're not a bit jealous cos he's got a date and u haven't?!

JoyceDivision Sun 07-Jul-13 20:13:21

Are you too scary for his friends that do know you to come so he has had to ask a stranger who hasn't yet you yet, just so he doesn't have to go on his own?


He's 16,its a family do,he wants to enjoy himself, better have a friend and be happy than bring someone he's not fussed about being there and having a face like a slapped arse!

trackies Sun 07-Jul-13 19:54:50

OP I have an aunt who has always pointed out things such as this that she thinks r inappropriate. excluding people cos she doesn't know them or like them. Or saying that they should nt be bought to party or meet my gran. We don't speak to her anymore cos she is a control freak. Not saying that you are but you will come across like one. Your bro prob sees this as an opportunity to meet his family without too much one to one contact with each member. If you hassle him you will just seem uncool and interfering

ImNotBloody14 Sun 07-Jul-13 19:48:00

Does it really matter if you know her or not? confused your brother gets to invite who he wants just like you did. You arent the invite police.

There will be 80 people there. You mightnt even have time to speak to her if you mingle with them all.

pigletmania Sun 07-Jul-13 19:38:21

Yabvvvvu it's not your say. Dont be bloody ridiculous. My family comes from th Med, and sh would be welcomed with open rms and treated really well, offer the same op!

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