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aibu to not want to sit in a tent to bf my baby at kiddicare?

(126 Posts)
inneedofsomehelpplz Sun 07-Jul-13 10:50:44

went to kiddicare with my dh & dc & had lunch whilst we were there, baby woke up so i bf her in the main restaraunt area and male member of staff came over to tell me that bfing tent was open & could i feed in there? this meant leaving my lunch & my family for 30 mins so i refused. i am very descret & habe nothing on show. aibu?

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 07-Jul-13 13:54:45

That would be the equality act innacorner.

Innacorner Sun 07-Jul-13 14:05:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TSSDNCOP Sun 07-Jul-13 14:11:39

YABU. Your second post suggests all he did was point out a pleasant facility. Please don't complain about him on the strength of this.

If he did roll his eyes I'd bet the fiver in my pocket it was at your tone.

Lj8893 Sun 07-Jul-13 14:13:23

Sorry OP, I was in support of you at the beginning of this post but since your second account of what happened I have changed my mind.


catgirl1976 Sun 07-Jul-13 14:14:13

I was also on your side from your first post, but your second version of events is totally different

If he told you to go bf in the tent - YANBU

If he simply pointed out the tent was available if you wished to use it YABVVU

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 15:22:42

If that's the extent of the interaction,staff informing you of designated area
I cannot see what the issue were not pressured or compelled to move
This really is being indignant for sake of it

nennypops Sun 07-Jul-13 15:48:39

I don't get why everyone thinks the clarified version of what the staff member said exonerates him. He comes up to someone who is happily breastfeeding and not asking for help, and decides that it's necessary to point out to her that there's a bf tent next to her, knowing that she's close by and can see it for herself. He obviously didn't need to say anything at all, and there's a clear implication that the tent is the place where bfing should happen, not out in public. It's very strange to assume that the OP would have wanted to stop feeding, disturb the baby by getting up and moving somewhere else, leave her family and hide away. He then rolls his eyes when OP says No thanks. As someone has pointed out, a lot depends on his tone, and it is clear that his tone indicated that he thought the OP should be using the tent - she's the only one who heard and saw him, and that's what she's reporting.

I don't get why Kiddicare are providing a tent at all. Surely if there is one environment where it is taken for granted that bf is welcomed, that should be it; providing a tent seems to be a clear suggestion that bf mothers should be hiding themselves away. OK, some people might want to, but you can bring a shawl or one of those bf bib things with you if you're that bothered.

TNETENNBA Sun 07-Jul-13 15:54:06

The tent isn't there to hide the BF mother from the other customers. It is there to provide somewhere quiet and relaxing for the Mother. Some babies are easily distracted when feeding and a cafe can be noisy and busy.
Also, I know it seem frowned upon by some, but some BF mothers Do like a bit of privacy.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 15:56:52

Presumably the designated bf facility is for clients who wish to use it.not compulsory
Op was informed of the facility.not compelled or coerced to use all
Extent of interaction was staff imparting information,there was nothing untoward going on

Ezza1 Sun 07-Jul-13 15:57:52

Was it at the brand new store in Cribbs Causeway? If so, that may possibly explain why he felt the need to point out the facilities available? From his training and all that...?

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 16:01:39

Its not a clear signal to hideaway at all.its offering option of use of that area
As has been acknowledged,some mums maybe grateful of such a facility
John Lewis has parent room for feeding,that's not hiding away its offering a facility

usualsuspect Sun 07-Jul-13 16:08:47

So some bf moan about the lack of bf facilities but when they are provided they moan about that as well confused

babyhmummy01 Sun 07-Jul-13 16:26:35

his is ridiculous, your posts contradict themselves op. He either mentioned it put of courtesy or insisted you used it, which was it? And I agree your reaction and tone may have had more to do with any perceived eye rolling.

The kiddicare near me has lovely staff and have seen them on occasion point out the feeding area to mums and dads. It's not a common facility and in ours its not immediately apparent so I suspect he was trying to be helpful and your rebuff was the cause of the eye rolling.

Please don't complain until you have looked at it calmlyand decided if he told you to.go in there or merely pointed out it was there if you would prefer

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 07-Jul-13 18:14:51

Some mums would be very pleased to know there is a private comfy area where they can sit and feed in peace without having to purchase food for themselves. Breast feeding or bottle feeding it can be a pain in the arse if the only change you have on you is for the parking meter and you can't be arsed to use a card to buy a drink or your broke after a shopping trip.

You don't have to use it if you don't want to but its there if you do.

I've never been one for special maternity clothes or breast feeding tops and I wouldn't bother using a blanket or putting a cover over a feeding baby the way I see it is if anyone has a problem seeing a baby feeding they can put a cover over there own head. I would just sit where ever I happened to be and feed but lots of mums prefer not to or may just be getting to grips with it and not be quite so confident in public. Offering a private area should they wish to use it,is a simple but good way to encourage all types of breast feeders to feel confident to go out and about and not feel isolated.

Having the choice normalises bf in public but makes sure that each mum makes that choice for themselves and is able to stay within there own comfort zone.

Ham69 Sun 07-Jul-13 18:25:07

I'm absolutely with the OP. you were feeding your child, nO doubt if you wanted more privacy you would have asked. I'm sure you didn't look uncomfortable. It happened to me in Ikea once and I was a bit put out, especially as I was very comfortable where I was, enjoying my tea and cake on a sofa. It's great that these facilities are around for mums who aren't so confident with feeding in public, but be interrupted if you're perfectly happy and relaxed? Would a mum bottle feeding be given an option to m

Ham69 Sun 07-Jul-13 18:29:33

I'm absolutely with the OP, YANBU. You were feeding your child. No doubt if you wanted more privacy you would have asked. I'm sure you didn't look uncomfortable. It happened to me in Ikea once and I was a bit put out, especially as I was very comfortable where I was, enjoying my tea and cake on a sofa, and made me feel like I should move.. It's great that these facilities are around for mums who aren't so confident with feeding in public, but to be interrupted if you're perfectly happy and relaxed? Would a mum bottle feeding be given an option to move? I doubt it.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 18:32:39

Which points are you completely with op on?her posts are contradictory to say least
She wasnt coerced,asked to leave cafe,she was merely informed of a bf area
This isn't a quick write to papers or get the flash mob to bf en masse moment

usualsuspect Sun 07-Jul-13 18:35:25

He had probably been told to make people aware of the bf tent.

thistlelicker Sun 07-Jul-13 18:36:20

Perhaps op has sold story to daily fa?

scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 18:40:52

Maybe she anticipated more of the lactavist types to pile in,howling at the discrimination
Has anyone linked in one of the worthy bf charters or wish lists yet
We wish every bf mutha be sprinkled with unicorn dust and that bf be made an olympic event

WorraLiberty Sun 07-Jul-13 18:43:33

Ham69, as someone else pointed out, the tent has comfortable chairs and provides refreshment.

He was probably just alerting her to this facility, should she wish to take advantage of it.

No different to a car park attendant alerting parents to the P&C spaces.

McNewPants2013 Sun 07-Jul-13 18:53:11

I really hate it in cafe and restaurants when staff come up and interrupt a meal.

I don't thing either was wrong

Ragwort Sun 07-Jul-13 18:54:23

I agree there is quite a 'militant' band on mumsnet who seem out to prove themselves at every point that breast feeding is their right when and wherever they want - which is of course true but there are some mothers (I was one of them) who prefer to breast feed in private, is that now a crime confused? I feel quite sorry for this young man, sounds as though he was just pointing out the facility and the OP gets in a right huff about it, most people would have kindly said 'no thanks' and carried on enjoying their lunch rather that indignantly posting on Mumsnet about it.

Love to know exactly what a breast feeding tent is, the mind boggles. grin.

MrsBungle Sun 07-Jul-13 18:54:59

So in version 1 he says "could you use the tent ". In version 2 he lets you know theres a breast feeding area - no asking you to use it at all.


scottishmummy Sun 07-Jul-13 18:56:49

Well yes the account its all over The shop

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