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To not want to meet friends tomorrow for picnic as they'll be drinking?

(244 Posts)
ChangeyMcChangeName Fri 05-Jul-13 23:59:50

My friends (a couple) have recently gotten over a bad health was her...the female half. She had a terrible illness which came on suddenly and almost killed her.

She's been out of hospital for two weeks. Her DH suggested my DH and our DC go to see them tomorrow as theres a very nice beauty spot near their flat....we could have a picnic with the DC he said. I agreed...our DC are 5 and 8 and theres are 3 and 1.

Then I got a txt saying "We're going to be having a couple of bottles of bring a beer or whatever if you want..."

AIBU to get a bit judgey? She's still recovering...I mean she was in a MESS....she was at deaths door. We're going to meet them on the train as we have no car drinking isn't really a good idea...and we;ll all have the DC with us.

Am I a big misery guts? It's just put me off a bit. We're not drinkers really so I said no we wouldn't be drinking.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:23:31

Agent she's always been a heavy drinker. Oreo that's it exactly...I just don't feel "right" drinking on a picnic with children! It's so unnecessary! Why not just play and have a walk and eat some nice food? Drinking is for affects your judgement and in the hot sun outdoors it makes you feel shit!

Morloth Sat 06-Jul-13 00:23:58

I wouldn't agree with you, people can do what they like with their own bodies.

She is not answerable to you.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:24:37

SecondComing I am worried about her future ffs. How is that po? Serentiy I am not going into details here but yes...she was told to avoid alcohol, fatty foods and smoking.

Smoking she's stopped.

YouTheCat Sat 06-Jul-13 00:24:52

Well that would depend if her condition was due to drinking or not then.

BackforGood Sat 06-Jul-13 00:25:06

Personally, I think it's too hot to be drinking wine in the middle of the day - give me some icy water any time, but I think it's not for you to judge what she is choosing to do. Speaking as one who has been diagnosed with a cancer, it changes your outlook on life, but not necessarily by turning you into a healthy, monk like person who wishes to spend their life abstaining from everything that may not be good for you.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:25:27

No Morloth that's obvious, I just feel...I don't know. I feel like it's stupid! I am dissapointed. She almost died. It was a terrible time. And now she's drinking? Not on.

HildaOgden Sat 06-Jul-13 00:25:40

Grand so,no risk of an early death.She can enjoy a tipple so.

You sound very bitter about your friend having the audacity to enjoy a picnic (with) wine.Your post of 00.18 is just nasty....I'm guessing that you didn't actually have the courage of your convictions and actually say all that to the friends??No?

How dare she enjoy a summers day with friends and family after a near death experience...why,she should be in sackcloth and ashes,on her knees praising the taxpayer.

I'll repeat my first post on this :Get.Over.Yourself.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Jul-13 00:27:32

'Even if you're lying on the slab it would be considered rude not to have a glass of bloody wine here'

Make that a gin and I'm in.

Just because you helped support her/her family when she was ill (and I'm not underestimating the amazing things you did for her) that doesn't give you any right to judge her whatsoever.

Maybe you should keep away if you think she's not making the most of her life as you think she should. That she's wasting it on picnics and having a glass of something. Should she be going out at all? Maybe she should stay at home and dwell forevermore on her lucky stars?

She wants to forget it and do normal things with people she feels are on her side.

BrianTheMole Sat 06-Jul-13 00:28:20

People would agree with me...but alcohol...oh nooooo it's FINE!

its not about the alcohol. Its about her right to make choices for herself.

DENMAN03 Sat 06-Jul-13 00:29:20

Sorry but you sound a nightmare friend. It's her life, let her enjoy it as she likes and stop judging her decisions!! No one is forcing you to have a drink.. Mind you it might loosen you up a bit. Don't go if you feel that strongly.

CooEeeEldridge Sat 06-Jul-13 00:29:24

Why have you bothered to post?! You've already judged, so just don't go! Why do you need other people to validate what you want to do?! You clearly don't want to go, so don't. Dont rely on strangers to validate your decisions.

oreocookiez Sat 06-Jul-13 00:32:13

Changey, its amazing the reaction you get when you mention "alcohol", I spend a lot of my time at work counselling patients who are recovering from substance and alcohol addiction and the reaction that we have from some spouses/families when we suggest that they remove it from the house, not to drink around them and avoid going to places where people are drinking never stops amazing me and the other nurses on the unit! You would think we had asked them to stop breathing or something.... there are some fab families as well though who do understand that their loved ones have been close to death and that enabling them to drink is not loving them. Hope you have a nice pic nic. ignore the rude comments you have had.... maybe they have never seen anyone in acute liver failurel It is not a pretty sight, your friends sounds irresponsible to be even considering drinking, you are supposed to abstain for 12 months after acute liver disease at least... the meds she will be on will also have contraindications...... let her get on with it and you do what you want to do.

wannabeawallaby Sat 06-Jul-13 00:32:33



I'm not!


DioneTheDiabolist Sat 06-Jul-13 00:32:44


That's it.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Jul-13 00:33:01

'I am dissapointed. She almost died'

It's very sad you've put those two things together?

She almost died!

And you're more bothered about her drinking than her enjoying surviving her near death experience?

Could this be your way of dealing with what you found to be an extremely distressing and disturbing situation?

That you are genuinely worryed about her, but it's coming out as a hoik rather than a different way of showing you care about her?

TheCutOfYourJib Sat 06-Jul-13 00:34:36

What exactly was wrong with her?

Serenitysutton Sat 06-Jul-13 00:35:08

I agre with cooEee. You've already decided you are nbu. I have a strange feeling you're going to reveal that all her medical problems were related to alcohol abuse and you already know one more glass would kill her

Morloth Sat 06-Jul-13 00:35:30

Think what you like but keep your trap shut.

And don't go to their picnic.

aldiwhore Sat 06-Jul-13 00:36:24

My Mum was tee total for 61 years.

She had a brain haemorrhage, was at death's door. Once she was out of the woods and feeling better, she started to enjoy wine.

Wine would not make her ill again.

I guess it depends on whether a bottle of wine will kill her or fling her instantly back into serious illness.

Perhaps she's decided to LIVE, and celebrate her life?

I think either way you're being extremely judgey, this is HER LIFE.

You may have a valid reason to think that her drinking wine might be selfish, but without knowing her exact condition I think I have to say YABVU.

If one bottle of wine could kill her, she's not yet recovered or out of the woods.

I don't know. I don't like your 'tone' though, but I accept that is hard to gauge on a forum.

HildaOgden Sat 06-Jul-13 00:37:41

What was this illness that nearly killed her?

SolidGoldBrass Sat 06-Jul-13 00:41:21

Unless your friend is actually an active/recovering alcoholic, it's none of your business. If your hatred of drinking is down to having grown up with an alcoholic parent or something, it's understandable, but it's still not your job to tell other people not to drink alcohol.

Mind you, if your friend sent you the invite and mentioned that there would be alcohol at the picnic, it sounds like you have not, previously, had a problem with other people drinking alcohol in your presence. Either that or she does know that you are massively self-righteous on the subject and has therefore sent you the text in the hope that the stick up your arse will keep you away from her celebration.

wannabeawallaby Sat 06-Jul-13 00:45:37


oreocookiez Sat 06-Jul-13 00:47:09

from reading what you have said about it sounds like she had primary sclerosing cholangitis - you can actually have the odd drink with this condition as her liver will be able to break down the alcohol still albiet slowly. She will have had some advice from her health care professional about what she can and cant do and so perhaps you should trust her judgement? she obviously knows how seriously ill she was and if she has little ones its doubtful she would risk becoming ill again. Go with the flow.

CleoBrown Sat 06-Jul-13 00:47:12

It seems sad that you can't enjoy a day with your friend, especially seen as how close you two supposedly were, without the judging.
Maybe it's her 'one off' as a celebration that she's alive?
Surely if you know her that well you can ask her or at least hold off judgement before your picnic.

If I had gone through something awful and wanted a final 'blow out' , regardless f the advice, I woud feel awful that my friends were judging me for it. sad

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