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To not want to meet friends tomorrow for picnic as they'll be drinking?

(244 Posts)
ChangeyMcChangeName Fri 05-Jul-13 23:59:50

My friends (a couple) have recently gotten over a bad health was her...the female half. She had a terrible illness which came on suddenly and almost killed her.

She's been out of hospital for two weeks. Her DH suggested my DH and our DC go to see them tomorrow as theres a very nice beauty spot near their flat....we could have a picnic with the DC he said. I agreed...our DC are 5 and 8 and theres are 3 and 1.

Then I got a txt saying "We're going to be having a couple of bottles of bring a beer or whatever if you want..."

AIBU to get a bit judgey? She's still recovering...I mean she was in a MESS....she was at deaths door. We're going to meet them on the train as we have no car drinking isn't really a good idea...and we;ll all have the DC with us.

Am I a big misery guts? It's just put me off a bit. We're not drinkers really so I said no we wouldn't be drinking.

YouTheCat Sat 06-Jul-13 00:03:08

If you don't want to drink, then don't.

HildaOgden Sat 06-Jul-13 00:03:47


Yes,you are being very,very judgey.Ever think the woman (and indeed,her hubby) have decided to enjoy the moment....sunshine,friends,childrens laughter,wine,picnic on a summers day?

Please don't bring that judgmental attitude to the picnic,it will be as welcome as a hungry wasp.

MichelleRouxJnr Sat 06-Jul-13 00:03:56

So don't drink.

MichelleRouxJnr Sat 06-Jul-13 00:04:55

oops x-post.
Also...everything Hilda said.

Don't drink if you don't want to but leave your judginess at home.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Jul-13 00:07:41

If she's had such a scare I'd say she might be in need of a (very large) drink.

I'm not sure I follow your thinking though, what are you being judgy over exactly?

That you think she shouldn't be drinking because she's had a brush with death and kicked him in the nads? Or because you think it'll interfere with her medication? Or that she should be making the most of life now and you don't think alcohol should be included in that?

You're not a misery to not drink yourself, that's your decision, just like having a couple is hers.

usualsuspect Sat 06-Jul-13 00:08:10

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

quoteunquote Sat 06-Jul-13 00:08:25

Maybe she is just feeling like trying to get back to a care free fun life, she is probably all too well aware how close she was.

She may well not feel like drinking, but just like the idea she could.

unless you expect them to be rolling around drunk, it wouldn't hurt to try to have some quality time together.

sitting in the sun and having a glass of wine is quite a nice thing to do to raise one spirits

BrianTheMole Sat 06-Jul-13 00:08:32

Oh leave her alone. Shes best placed to make that judgement, not you.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:09:30

Agent I just think she's being foolish. Her health should be her priority right now. Her organs have been battered.

SavoyCabbage Sat 06-Jul-13 00:10:22

We often have wine on picnics. One of my friends doesn't drink so she has sparkling water. It's fun.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:12:37

I know it's fun. But honestly? When you've had a terrible illness where your main organs all shut down? Would you really then drink alcohol only weeks afterwards?

HildaOgden Sat 06-Jul-13 00:13:47

Unless she has had liver failure,then I don't see what your problem is.And actually,even if she had ,then I really don't think it's your place to tut.

I think she (and he) are far more aware of her health situation that you are.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:16:04

well she did hilda. As I said, all her organs were under terrible strain. She was on life supportf

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 06-Jul-13 00:16:31

You must never question the drinking of wine on MN. Never.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:16:53

And actually I am fully aware of her health sutuation as I was kept undated daily and helped her DH through the awfulness of it all.

HildaOgden Sat 06-Jul-13 00:16:54

Have you considered,if her health is so bad,that maybe she has been told she doesn't have as long a life ahead of her as she could otherwise have expected?And that they have decided to enjoy it their way?

All sorts of possibilities here...but one thing is sure,they don't need you judging them.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:18:18

Apparently not Jamie! Even if you're lying on the slab it would be considered rude not to have a glass of bloody wine here. I still think it's bloody awful actually. To almost die...have your life taken away...leave your DC...get saved by the NHS and then to go off and drink alcohol. Wrong.

Morloth Sat 06-Jul-13 00:18:40

I think her organs are her business.

And that you should get over yourself.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:19:58

Hilda that's not the case at all. She's been told she needs to live carefully but there's no risk of an early death.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Jul-13 00:20:59

In moderation, alcohol isn't bad for your health, and you can't underestimate how much being happy in your head can help if you've been ill.

I'm sure she just said 'a couple of bottles' as the way you say it in conversation (which is used on MN too, I say things conversationally that I don't really want like 'mmm chips/choc/wine'), not necessarily that she's going to chug them both down herself.

What kind of a drinker is she normally?

Have you had chance to talk about what happened to her?

oreocookiez Sat 06-Jul-13 00:21:03

Changey I completly agree with you. I have 3 kids and have never felt that when we go out on picnic BBQ's etc it is the right place to be drinking. Why do people say she may need a large drink if she has been ill?????? Why drink if you have been so ill? You are right to worry, if you dont want to drink then you dont have to and if you feel they have had a bit too much at any point then excuse yourself and leave if possible.

I am not perfect (far from it), Ive been a mum 22 years and my kids have never seen me tipsy or drunk. I have much more respect for them and for myself to think that this is OK. My son said to me a while ago (hes 22) that he has more respect for me that his friends do their parents as he has never had to watch me slurring my words and slumped in a corner.

I am not suggeting your friends will do this! Just that we are all able to have a great time and have a laugh without necking a bottle of wine.

ChangeyMcChangeName Sat 06-Jul-13 00:21:20

Morloth I know they are but it seems wrong! I bet if I said "My mate almost died of lung cancer and she's back on twenty a she wrong? People would agree with me...but alcohol...oh nooooo it's FINE! hmm

TheSecondComing Sat 06-Jul-13 00:22:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serenitysutton Sat 06-Jul-13 00:23:27

Do you have reason to think she has been advised not to drink? Because she's obviously recovered from "all her organs shutting down"- I don't really understand why you wouldn't be able to drink unless there was a specific reason

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