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To ask if you slightly regret having a 4th child? Is it just too much?

(57 Posts)
Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:28:38

Obviously no one would regret having a beautiful child but I just mean, do you sometimes look back and think about how much easier it was with 3? In terms of holidays, cars, money, getting out of the baby stage and perhaps the delay in going back to work? Or maybe not being able to give the older ones attention when needed and help with homework because there's a new baby?

We have 3 and are thinking about a 4th. But the truth is we're just not sure. Both being one of 3 however we hate the idea of there always being one that's left out.

Please give me your honest feelings and thoughts on this. If I'm totally honest, I sometimes have days when I think about how much easier it was just with two. But our 3rd is gorgeous beyond belief and we love him to the moon and back!

Overall I think it's definitely more fun with 3 but when it's difficult and everyone's tired it's also so much harder. I wonder if I would cope with 4, mentally and physically.

ClarasZoo Tue 03-Oct-17 17:10:48

What if you have twins??

burninglikefire Tue 03-Oct-17 17:02:00

So, I didn't check the date


burninglikefire Tue 03-Oct-17 16:59:06

My 4th was an accident and was born when my first was not yet 5. Couldn't imagine life without him.

When he was little, I often felt guilty that I didn't spend enough time on him and guilty because he was always being dragged out to drop off or collect his older siblings. He is in his 20s now and I asked him recently if he had enjoyed growing up being the youngest of 4. He told me that he had a fantastic childhood and really enjoyed having so many people around. Made my day! smile

permatiredmum Tue 03-Oct-17 16:47:37

I found 3 to 4 to be the biggestjump (apart from zero to one!) It probably wasn't helped by DC4 being a crier and DH setting up a business and being at work from 7am to 10pm each day.
It is hard to keep track of 4 though eg at the park .Much harder than 3

PigletWasPoohsFriend Tue 03-Oct-17 16:47:00

Good luck with your decision. I think you should go for it. You always regret what you didn't do more than what you did.

As the OP is 4 years old I'm sure the decision has long been made. hmm

livingthegoodlife Tue 03-Oct-17 16:41:06

I found 2 a doddle, 3 has been hard work. I'm stopping there even though I loved the idea of four. Expenses wise I don't think number 4 would have made much difference, we already have. 7 seater car and all the equipment.

Mentally though 3 has pushed me. My mum had four and was amazing but I just don't think I'd have the time to give enough to 4.

Good luck with your decision. I think you should go for it. You always regret what you didn't do more than what you did.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Tue 03-Oct-17 15:26:12


JoffreyBaratheon Tue 03-Oct-17 15:25:25

Try 5. That was fun. I dunno though - now the older three have left home at least I still have 2 left at home. House feels empty with only two kids in fact, I don't much like it. I always felt we were a proper family once we got to No 3, and above. The dynamic is utterly different.

UnbornMortificado Tue 03-Oct-17 14:29:44

We have just gone from two to three but DS came early and has ended up on oxygen.

It's not a major thing but it is more work and more appointments etc. I don't regret it.

My mam went from three to four and struggled mostly down to PND.

recklessgran Tue 03-Oct-17 14:19:46

We have 5. To be honest, once you're outnumbered [i.e. on No3] you might as well carry on. We were much better and more relaxed as parents the more we had....chaos mainly!

samG76 Tue 03-Oct-17 14:15:18

We occasionally wonder whether the 4th was a good idea, but she's so smiley it makes up for the broken sleep, etc. And it's evened up the fights now that she joins in rather than being the object of the disputes.There'll be no more, though. DH and I agreed on 4 when we got married.

blackteasplease Tue 03-Oct-17 14:12:09

God I often feel that I was mad to have 2. Much as I love ds.

HopeNoel Tue 03-Oct-17 14:09:09

Paperlessy I am in the same boat as you were right now. We have 3 kids (ages 3/almost 4, a 2 yr old & 1 just turned 1). I have as always wanted 4, but after my 3rd I started questioning myself. I had the same feelings that you expressed in this conversation. I am curious what did you decide & how do you feel about it?

littlejohnnydory Sun 19-Apr-15 10:29:15

We have four and I don't regret it for a milisecond. I'd have one more if dh was up for it! But seriously, I found the jump from one to two the hardest, two to three a doddle and three to four slightly harder but not as hard as one to two. Dc4 is five months. After she was born, the stage where she fed 24/7 was hard work - I have one at school and getting everyone out for the school run was a nightmare. It's fine now though but i find it easier in the holidays.

WandaDoff Sun 19-Apr-15 04:15:26

What is it with all the zombie threads this weekend?

Coffee1234 Sun 19-Apr-15 03:18:33

Were, not we're!

Coffee1234 Sun 19-Apr-15 03:17:43

I have 4 and TBH I've slightly regretted them all at the busy, baby stage. Now that the youngest is a toddler it's great. Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest because DC2 was really hard work, the two after her we're sort of "normal" difficult so not too bad.

People's advice will be partly dependent on their own experience, with their own child. DC4 in our house is generally adored.

funkyfoam Sat 18-Apr-15 22:15:21

I really wanted four but lost my fourth baby, and was told not to have any more. Whilst that baby is always a part of our lives I did realise as the children got older that I had begun to have enough. Enough of homework, exams and school runs and children round to play etc. I hope if I had had four I would have maintained my enthusiasm and interest but genuinely think I may have put less input into a fourth child. They would have been no less loved though. Added to that helping all three of them with university costs has nearly crippled us. That is not some thing I thought about 18 years ago.

londonrach Sat 18-Apr-15 20:45:07

Sister ndn had two then had twins. Shes a fab mum but shes gone from relaxed earth mum to very stressed tried mum. Sister taken older children occasionally. Getting better now due to them growing up. Two is enough! (Mentally remembers that)

laughingcow13 Sat 18-Apr-15 20:24:19

I found the jump from 3 to 4 the hardest transition.It didn't help that DH was at the time starting a new business and out of the house for 7am til 10pm to 5pm, or the fact that DC4 was a 'screamer'.Even taking that into account things seemed to go from being (just) manageable to overwhelming for quite a while.
I found it really hard to think for 4 children (I left one in their car carry seat at airport security by accident and the officer shouted after me 'madam you have forgotten your baby!)

Tiredbuthappy3kids Fri 17-Apr-15 23:07:53

Hi. I know that this thread is from a good while ago, but we are considering our fourth and when I read your comments on this, I really agreed with you! So, I would value your 4, or not to 4!!??

Theselittlelightsofmine Sat 06-Jul-13 01:20:48

No and I had a few more DC after DC4 too smile

KobayashiMaru Sat 06-Jul-13 01:10:02

you just get on with whatever you have. Personally I think if you make a good stab at parenting the number of children is immaterial, up to a point.

eshie Sat 06-Jul-13 00:56:06

Thought about it a lot prior to baby number4. Then had total unexpected mc. Devasted. Had number 4 he is a blessing and a joy both in deed and in his nature, we have never regretted it. Our children are 12, 9 6 and 2 the little one is totally adored by all, friends, family, neighbours etc! It is undeniably hard work, we have very little help and1 family member living near by ......we make time for each one and try very hard to give each what they need, sometimes being part of a big family and always having s sibling to play with Is all they need which is fantastic .

Nicknamegrief Sat 06-Jul-13 00:52:54

I have four and love it.

It is no harder than 3 and maybe even 2 (number 2 is seriously a hard work child though). I am busier. I never stop. Do I mind, not yet (number 4 is only 6 months old)?

We have always planned on having a large family. Yes many package holidays might be unaffordable but camping certainly isn't. We do budget and save for big days out and manage a few a year. I am aware of course that at the moment number 4 does not cost as anything- so this will change.

I have about 3 years in between them. The gaps aren't huge but bigger than I would have liked.

Private education is out for us but I am a SAHM. If I worked full time we could afford it but then I wouldn't be around for the kids so much so it's all about choices.

I love having four. The heart wants what it wants and I am very lucky to have what I want. Any sacrifices I have made are worth it. My children all appear happy and content with being part of a large(ish) family.

My husband is one of 5 and all him and his siblings get on really well and all want large (ish) families.

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