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To ask if you slightly regret having a 4th child? Is it just too much?

(44 Posts)
Paperlessy Fri 05-Jul-13 22:28:38

Obviously no one would regret having a beautiful child but I just mean, do you sometimes look back and think about how much easier it was with 3? In terms of holidays, cars, money, getting out of the baby stage and perhaps the delay in going back to work? Or maybe not being able to give the older ones attention when needed and help with homework because there's a new baby?

We have 3 and are thinking about a 4th. But the truth is we're just not sure. Both being one of 3 however we hate the idea of there always being one that's left out.

Please give me your honest feelings and thoughts on this. If I'm totally honest, I sometimes have days when I think about how much easier it was just with two. But our 3rd is gorgeous beyond belief and we love him to the moon and back!

Overall I think it's definitely more fun with 3 but when it's difficult and everyone's tired it's also so much harder. I wonder if I would cope with 4, mentally and physically.

ninani Fri 05-Jul-13 23:13:35

If you can cope with 3 I think you could cope with 4! Especially if your youngest is toilet trained and can also follow what the eldest do thus being more independent with basic things.

Good luck smile

Garcia10 Fri 05-Jul-13 23:23:23

I would have loved to have had just two children however I know that compared to many that I am lucky to have my beautiful daughter. I think you should feel blessed to be able to have four.

mumofweeboys Fri 05-Jul-13 23:23:40

I agree that it depends on the age gap. The bigger the gap the easier it is ie once they 3+ they can do liitle things for themselves which takes the strain off. Under that they r still babies really.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sat 06-Jul-13 00:12:33

We have five, with the youngest three being close in age (well 3 babies in four years) and it is hard work. There are times when we do say things like "this is your fault for being so bloody virile/fertile" but we don't mean it iykwim.
We would have had more if we'd had room/money/a big house/perfect health etc, but when we had no5 we knew he would be the last - really if we'd been "sensible" grin we wouldn't have had him, but we did grin
We had to draw the line after him though sad I'd have loved seven sons with as many daughters as came along between them if our circumstances had allowed

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 06-Jul-13 00:26:27

Why seven? Do you have a 'seven brides for seven brothers' fantasy? grin

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sat 06-Jul-13 00:41:31

It was Will Stanton being an Old One in the Susan Cooper series blush
They were some of my favourite books when I was a child grin

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sat 06-Jul-13 00:42:40

oops should have said - he was the "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son" - I would have been the MiL from Hell if I had had a 7th son lol. His poor wife would have been a brood mare to my dreams bless her non-existant cotton socks

Nicknamegrief Sat 06-Jul-13 00:52:54

I have four and love it.

It is no harder than 3 and maybe even 2 (number 2 is seriously a hard work child though). I am busier. I never stop. Do I mind, not yet (number 4 is only 6 months old)?

We have always planned on having a large family. Yes many package holidays might be unaffordable but camping certainly isn't. We do budget and save for big days out and manage a few a year. I am aware of course that at the moment number 4 does not cost as anything- so this will change.

I have about 3 years in between them. The gaps aren't huge but bigger than I would have liked.

Private education is out for us but I am a SAHM. If I worked full time we could afford it but then I wouldn't be around for the kids so much so it's all about choices.

I love having four. The heart wants what it wants and I am very lucky to have what I want. Any sacrifices I have made are worth it. My children all appear happy and content with being part of a large(ish) family.

My husband is one of 5 and all him and his siblings get on really well and all want large (ish) families.

eshie Sat 06-Jul-13 00:56:06

Thought about it a lot prior to baby number4. Then had total unexpected mc. Devasted. Had number 4 he is a blessing and a joy both in deed and in his nature, we have never regretted it. Our children are 12, 9 6 and 2 the little one is totally adored by all, friends, family, neighbours etc! It is undeniably hard work, we have very little help and1 family member living near by ......we make time for each one and try very hard to give each what they need, sometimes being part of a big family and always having s sibling to play with Is all they need which is fantastic .

KobayashiMaru Sat 06-Jul-13 01:10:02

you just get on with whatever you have. Personally I think if you make a good stab at parenting the number of children is immaterial, up to a point.

Theselittlelightsofmine Sat 06-Jul-13 01:20:48

No and I had a few more DC after DC4 too smile

Tiredbuthappy3kids Fri 17-Apr-15 23:07:53

Hi. I know that this thread is from a good while ago, but we are considering our fourth and when I read your comments on this, I really agreed with you! So, I would value your 4, or not to 4!!??

laughingcow13 Sat 18-Apr-15 20:24:19

I found the jump from 3 to 4 the hardest transition.It didn't help that DH was at the time starting a new business and out of the house for 7am til 10pm to 5pm, or the fact that DC4 was a 'screamer'.Even taking that into account things seemed to go from being (just) manageable to overwhelming for quite a while.
I found it really hard to think for 4 children (I left one in their car carry seat at airport security by accident and the officer shouted after me 'madam you have forgotten your baby!)

londonrach Sat 18-Apr-15 20:45:07

Sister ndn had two then had twins. Shes a fab mum but shes gone from relaxed earth mum to very stressed tried mum. Sister taken older children occasionally. Getting better now due to them growing up. Two is enough! (Mentally remembers that)

funkyfoam Sat 18-Apr-15 22:15:21

I really wanted four but lost my fourth baby, and was told not to have any more. Whilst that baby is always a part of our lives I did realise as the children got older that I had begun to have enough. Enough of homework, exams and school runs and children round to play etc. I hope if I had had four I would have maintained my enthusiasm and interest but genuinely think I may have put less input into a fourth child. They would have been no less loved though. Added to that helping all three of them with university costs has nearly crippled us. That is not some thing I thought about 18 years ago.

Coffee1234 Sun 19-Apr-15 03:17:43

I have 4 and TBH I've slightly regretted them all at the busy, baby stage. Now that the youngest is a toddler it's great. Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest because DC2 was really hard work, the two after her we're sort of "normal" difficult so not too bad.

People's advice will be partly dependent on their own experience, with their own child. DC4 in our house is generally adored.

Coffee1234 Sun 19-Apr-15 03:18:33

Were, not we're!

WandaDoff Sun 19-Apr-15 04:15:26

What is it with all the zombie threads this weekend?

littlejohnnydory Sun 19-Apr-15 10:29:15

We have four and I don't regret it for a milisecond. I'd have one more if dh was up for it! But seriously, I found the jump from one to two the hardest, two to three a doddle and three to four slightly harder but not as hard as one to two. Dc4 is five months. After she was born, the stage where she fed 24/7 was hard work - I have one at school and getting everyone out for the school run was a nightmare. It's fine now though but i find it easier in the holidays.

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