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To just not want to see this (Facebook related)

(83 Posts)
LilyontheLeaf Fri 05-Jul-13 17:27:15

I genuinely can't decide if IABU or not.

My friend's son was stillborn five years ago. I cannot begin to imagine her pain and her continued suffering.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death. She has changed her profile picture to a picture of her son.

It just popped up on my newsfeed. I found the image of a dead child really distressing.

I of course respect her right to grieve in any way she wishes, and of course I would never ever say anything directly to her about this. I know my feelings of distress are nothing in comparison to hers.

But I really really wish she hadn't done it. I can't get that little face out of my mind.


Tapirbackrider Sat 06-Jul-13 01:59:17

If I were able to get the picture of my stillborn daughter onto FB, then this would have been me 3 weeks ago.

I am the only one who remembers her - she would have been 22 years old this year, and there's not a day that passes that I wish I had her here with me, rather than just a polaroid picture locked away in a fireproof box. That's all I have of her - one picture, nothing else.

You are not being unreasonable to not want to see distressing pictures on your feed - but you would be very unreasonable to do anything other than click on the 'hide this post' button.

Please remember that this is her much loved child, who she'd give anything to have back in her arms, and don't say anything about it - you'll irredeemably hurt her.

missingmumxox Sat 06-Jul-13 02:31:03

When my mum died, I inherited a box of pictures of babies who had died, from the 70's and 80's she was a midwife and felt that parents needed something, all of the photo's have a letter attached or note written on the back of the photo saying thank you, from the parents.
I treasure these, she was a wonderful person, she first of all brought a camera and a 36 exposure film every time she said how she would have to explain the idea to the parents, as it was unheard of then, then explain they would have to wait for the photo, she didn't know how long as she couldn't afford to process the film every time .
She had the confused permission of her superiors not funding, she would then get 2 copies of the film and she said how she would be shaking picking up the film hoping the photos had come out, some where not very good as she didn't have a flash .
The 2 copies where both to the parents and the negative which she would also have to pay extra for so it could be reproduced was put in the notes. She used to take about 5 photos per baby.
For the record all the photos I have where sent back by the patents with messages in gratitude not that she kept them back

ThePurpleCarrot Sat 06-Jul-13 02:42:56

The Facebook age seems to mean that lots of people are happy sharing every aspect of their lives. Some of us prefer to keep some things private.

FirstStopCafe Sat 06-Jul-13 03:15:40


Every part of her aching heart will wish she was spending tonight wrapping his 5th birthday presents. Instead she has done one of the only things she can do to honour and preserve his memory - she has shared his picture with her friends.

This picture that so distresses you is probably one of her most treasured possessions. I admire her for sharing it and hope it is acknowledged by her friends who are privileged to see it.

Beaverfeaver Sat 06-Jul-13 03:33:56

I personally wouldn't do it.
Some people might feel differently, but to me its no different than having any picture up of a human when passed over.

They might look like they are just sleeping and peaceful, but they are not.
Same goes for baby picture in my opinion

Turquoisehat Sat 06-Jul-13 04:36:35

You cannot help how you feel. And you have given no indication that you would talk to your friend about her photo. I am going to suggest you hide this thread, if you haven't already done so.

I agree with what a pp posted earlier. Leave a supportive comment and let her know you are there if she wants to talk.

There are so many tragic stories here. I am so sorry for anyone who has posted saying they too have lost a child.

ThisWayForCrazy Sat 06-Jul-13 05:57:22

YABVU! I am sure the image of her dead child distresses her too! I'm sure she'd much rather a live child.

daisychain01 Sat 06-Jul-13 05:57:52

Such a heart-rending, but also inspirational thread here. I am in awe of those who have lost their baby and take steps to always keep hold of precious memories of holding that child. The pain of losing a loved one, especially a child, never diminishes, its just something you learn to cope with as best you can.

YANBU at all in feeling unsettled by the image on Facebook, OP, as has been said already, it just isnt the sort of image you expect to see on social media, so it is hard-hitting but your friend is doing something she needs to in order to signify the continued importance of their child who will always remain real.

{{Big hug everyone!}}

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