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AIBU?

I am so sad and cross.

13 replies

Fumingorange · 04/07/2013 17:59

I know a just 15 year old girl. She is just lovely and I've known her a long time.

Last time I saw her she had bruises which she openly admitted in front of her mum that her boyfriend of a year had done. Apparently he likes to play fight but always goes too far. I told her if she was my daughter she wouldn't be seeing that boy anymore. She believes she loves him with all her heart.

This boy is controlling and says what party she can or cant go to, what she wears and has now said to her that after going out Friday she is to stay at his and he will have his way with her. Now she's told her mum this and she said she doesn't want to disappoint him but she doesn't want to do it. Her mum has allowed her to stay there a lot recently :( I didn't know this until the other day.

If she was my daughter she would not be going there. I'm so sad that her mum is still going to allow this. She told him that she's told her mum and now he has said he won't do anything that she doesn't want to do.

Her mum is letting her go. Someone very close to her said please don't do anything you will regret and she said she can't make that promise.

Would you do anything in this situation? I am tempted to let her dad or grandparents know so they can have a chat with her and make sure she is ok. Her mum wants to be her friend and doesn't want her to hate her. But she needs protecting.

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babyhmummy01 · 04/07/2013 18:01

Talk to the mum and dad, he is threatening to rape her, this is disgraceful.

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Fumingorange · 04/07/2013 18:06

The mum honestly thinks it will be ok. She doesn't seem bothered what could happen. I'm not saying this boy would or could do that but why let her be in that situation. It doesn't make sense to me.

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Tee2072 · 04/07/2013 18:06

If her mum is doing nothing absolutely tell her dad or someone.

Or even the police.

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Fumingorange · 04/07/2013 18:08

I think I will dig her grandparents number out and give them a ring. I just wanted to make sure I'm not being a total idiot as that's what someone that is very close to the girl thinks.

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Goldmandra · 04/07/2013 18:15

You are not being and idiot. She is a minor who is being abused by her boyfriend and he has told her he intends to rape her.

The fact that he has said since then that he won't doesn't make it OK all of a sudden.

If you are sure of your facts you need to tell his parents and make sure they know that their son will be guilty of rape, child abuse or some similar crime if he has sex with her.

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cjel · 04/07/2013 22:32

I think it would be brilliant if you did what you thought you should. She may be telling her mum so she can be told she can't go and feel more comfortable being able to 'blame ' her mum. I know when younger my dcs loved to say its my mum she won't let me!!!

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WilsonFrickett · 04/07/2013 22:37

I agree with cjel, she is absolutely wanting her mum to make the choice here and ground her so she can't go but won't lose face. Now, obviously there is a lot to unpick with this situation and what is really going on, but the immediate priority is to protect her and keep her safe on Friday.

Op, I would definitely phone another family member. Actually, I'd be tempted to phone SS. Could you have her to stay with you? Offer her an alternative safe place, she can then tell the 'boyfriend' she's been grounded?

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MammaTJ · 04/07/2013 22:54

This child and child is what she is, is begging for help by talking so openly to the so called adults in her life!! Step up and sort it out!

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NannyPlumIsMyMum · 04/07/2013 23:10

I would call social services - ask to speak to the child safe guarding team.

It's everybody's business to protect children.

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WilsonFrickett · 04/07/2013 23:16

I just keep thinking of the Oxford and Rochdale cases. You only have her word for it that he is a 'boy'. Please take action - she wants someone to help her.

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NonnoMum · 04/07/2013 23:20

The other thing you can do is inform her school. This is a serious safeguarding issue. They will have a member of staff allocated to cases like these where there is abuse from the boyfriend and neglect from the mother.