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To find attachment parents pretty blooming judgemental and smug

(214 Posts)
rowtunda Thu 04-Jul-13 16:01:32

Or is it just me.

Raise your childhowever you want, different mums & different babies etc etc but at the moment I seem to be getting exponents of gentle parenting, attachment parenting, co sleeping, baby wearing ramming it all down my throat, sharing links on facebook to articles about how much they pity parents who use CC, etc etc

Mumsnet also seems to also be full of people who recommend these parenting styles i.e. sitting in a drak room for hours holding your
toddlers hand in a darkened room until they fall sleep, condemning people who use sleep training methods, want an evening sans child etc etc.

Maybe its just all the mums I know who are doing this 'parenting style' are a teensy but self righteous. I think it really annoys me because of the insinuation that I have failed my child (not responding to their needs/breaking the maternal bond etc) by
doing it another way.

I am prepared to be flamed - but does anyone else out their feel the same.

Fine if you want to be an attachment parent but please stop preaching on about it like you have reinvented the wheel!

Portofino Thu 04-Jul-13 16:03:54

Personally I am VERY glad i never discovered MN til Dd was at school grin

rowtunda Thu 04-Jul-13 16:04:12

Sorry about all the typos - using an iPad

Tee2072 Thu 04-Jul-13 16:05:25

Perhaps it bothers you because you feel guilty that you have done the things that you have done? Because if you truly believe your choices are correct? What everyone else does wouldn't bother you.

I haven't done AP or non-AP or anything else but what my instincts have told me to do. And I don't give a flying fuck what anyone else posts or says or shares on FB about parenting.

If it bothers you, perhaps you should rethink how you parent.

ThisReallyIsNotSPNopeNotAtAll Thu 04-Jul-13 16:05:49

I'm just winging it tbh. Mumsnet couldn't help me grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 04-Jul-13 16:06:05

Do what you want. Ignore the others. It's easy really.

mrsjay Thu 04-Jul-13 16:07:36

Oh i dunno I sort of agree with you in the dark ages past folk just parented their babies no parenting style it is a bloody minefield these days, I know a lovely woman who attachment parents ( is that the right words) and she is lovely and not smug , the parents I work with compete all the time it is exhausting

ICBINEG Thu 04-Jul-13 16:08:29

Actually people are allowed not only to parent how they want but to talk about it on facebook etc.

If them talking about their own experiences makes you feel judged then you need to look in the mirror for the source of the problem.

NinaHeart Thu 04-Jul-13 16:09:37

I'm not sure anyone actually parents any differently form donkey's years ago, they just have names for it all now.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 04-Jul-13 16:10:19

Path Of Least Resistance Parent over here.

Some AP types are smug and self righteous. But so are some non-AP type. I find either type quite irritating.

Have a look at sanctimommy on FB if you want some light relief from it all.

AnAirOfHope Thu 04-Jul-13 16:13:39

im feed up of being told to stop bf my 19 month old and to put her in her own bed and in her own room. To stop spoling her and its ok for a baby to cry for hours.

I disagree my baby my way.

Eveyone else can do what they want with their baby.

3Caramel Thu 04-Jul-13 16:14:05

Maybe a little harsh, but I do agree that AP parents seem to be allowed by MNers to imply that their way is the right way; whereas if you have done CC etc. and were dogmatic about that, then you would get shot down in flames...

runes Thu 04-Jul-13 16:14:07

Oh the irony of it all. In moaning about being judged by others you've made a sweeping judgemental smug accusation against a whole group of other parents confused

glenthebattleostrich Thu 04-Jul-13 16:16:57

I'm more a lazy arsed parent which apparently roughly translates to AP. I find it equally as annoying the judgy parents / professionals who insist I ABSOLUTEY HAVE TO sleep train / use CC / spoon feed my baby / insist my DD used a pushchair rather than sling... the list goes on and on.

I honestly think that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you get your kid to 18 without killing them or leaving them in need of long term therapy, apparently I'm in the minority!

SignoraStronza Thu 04-Jul-13 16:18:40

Erm... I suppose I use/d 'AP methods' with both of mine, although never refer to it as that and don't really discuss it (apart from now that is). I just do whatever works for us. Slung dc1 everywhere because public transport in the country I lived in is shite and easier to avoid the dog poo, mostly sling dc2 as have the dog with me and also quicker to get in/out the house.

As for co sleeping, neither of the buggers would/will sleep alone and frankly I'm too lazy to 'sleep train'. Again, the easiest way to ensure we all sleep.
Can assure you that if dc2 develops the ability to self settle I'll definitely feel smug, but certainly don't feel that way about what I'm doing.

So, you're wrong. wink

2blessed Thu 04-Jul-13 16:19:12

What is attachment parenting anyway? I've not come across it (i think)...

3Caramel Thu 04-Jul-13 16:19:57

All a bit judgemental really - as you say Runes, which is exactly what we're all moaning about.

It should be: my baby, my way. And just ignore anyone who doesn't have anything useful to add. But it's such an emotive subject for us Mums, that it's sometimes hard to ignore - especially if going through a particularly tough phase with dcs!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 04-Jul-13 16:20:08

I think some of the judgyness comes from the fact that AP style parenting requires a level of self sacrifice that is a bit a lot higher than other styles of parenting. And some of us just aren't up for that. And it doesn't make us worse parents.

FridaKarlov Thu 04-Jul-13 16:21:23

I tend toward the attachment parenting side of the fence myself- I just find it easier and it works for me and my baby. I don't think it works for everyone though, I'm not dogmatic about it and think how you deal with your baby is down to personal choice and preferences. I don't bang on about it to other parents or get judgey at people who use controlled-crying or formula feeding because they decide what's best for their own kids; it's none of my business.

ARealDame Thu 04-Jul-13 16:21:42

I think "attachment parents" are mostly just trying to do the best thing they can for their babies/toddlers, and when they are coming from the heart, should be given credit for that.

Threetofour Thu 04-Jul-13 16:22:28

Yanbu I know exactly what you mean. Although I would apply this to anyone who has a system for raising babies/children and believes they have THE answer to everything for every child...... And as for people saying that you are feeling guilty over you parenting style what a load of bollocks. Attachment parenting etc might work for some people but it's not the only way and I would say especially hard with 3 plus kids

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 04-Jul-13 16:23:37

I think most parents are trying to do that too ARealDame?!

oohdaddypig Thu 04-Jul-13 16:25:18

The phrase "attachment parenting" makes me shudder.

The first time I heard it I felt like puking.

What - so the rest if us are, by implication, unattached?! WTF.

In hindsight I did a few of these so called attachment practices myself because it felt right - and I didn't do others eg co sleeping. They were very personal private decisions I made and would have happily discussed if asked but would never have worn as a badge.


JerseySpud Thu 04-Jul-13 16:26:14

Hop i just found my new favourite page on Facebook....

ARealDame Thu 04-Jul-13 16:26:57

Yes, but they don't attack non-attachment parents as "judgmental and smug". So I don't understand the defensiveness/anger myself, of non-attachment parents if you like. But maybe there is something about attachment parenting they despire, and yes, I wonder why.

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