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To think that I am just pathetic

(82 Posts)
suchawimp Wed 03-Jul-13 20:12:47

and it isn't normal to be like this at 26.

I did something wrong at work and have to tell my manager tomorrow. I feel sick and am shaking and going hot and cold - I just can't seem to deal with stuff like this. It just makes me feel small and useless.

I don't know what she will say but it won't be nice. I hate being told off and really hate confrontation and raised voices. I don't know why and it is pathetic I know.

Is there a way to toughen up and get over this sort of thing?

suchawimp Thu 04-Jul-13 18:44:35

She came in as a manager - never been on the lower levels. Not sure if that makes a difference. She has some management qualifications though.

Still feel shaky now. Dreading Monday. Plus I really wanted to do the course as it is in a totally different field. Not work related though so I would need her approval to finish early one day a week and to make the hours back up.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 04-Jul-13 19:05:47

I have to talk to my manager and her manager on Monday so am freaking out about that especially as my manager said that *if there is any come back then I am on my own*

Translation: When the shit hits the fan they're all going to be sheltering under the same umbrella.

If nobody's mentioned any disciplinary action and it's a job you want to keep, consider it a temporary blot, you have to win back their trust.

Do you get on with the team usually? They can think what they like but they'll recognise you owned up to it, you haven't tried to implicate anyone else. I would like to say it will be a 9 day wonder and soon blow over but I obviously don't know your situation. However anyone who isn't a cock will understand what's been said upthread, very very few go through life without blundering at some point. Pick yourself up, keep going.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 19:09:12

She sounds ghastly and sounds like she is covering her own back. You put in as good a defence as you can on Monday, be tough, take them aback. Tell them - it's one error, I'm otherwise good at my job, no complaints, and it can be fixed. Stand up for yourself. What have you got to lose? Don't be a doormat - if they see someone self-blaming who they can treat badly, they will.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 19:11:13

Hold your head high. Don't let the B* grind you down. Ten to one she has made mistakes too. Don't be afraid.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 19:12:01

that should be B*s not b***h because I don't use that word!

scripsi Thu 04-Jul-13 19:21:26

^^ I second everything crumbledwalnuts has said.

Sounds like the manager is really looking after herself, she sounds rather insecure and very unprofessional. Honestly, hold your head up high on Monday.

Everyone makes a mistake at some point, you can tick that off the list of life experiences we all have to go through.
When that manager makes a mistake I should think there'll be a fair few people who will be very glad to make the most of it!

Keep repeating the mantra: it is only work.

LaQueen Thu 04-Jul-13 20:13:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty Thu 04-Jul-13 20:27:51

Is this meeting on Monday a formal meeting? If so you should be advised of the issues in writing and be given the opportunity of being accompanied by a union rep or a friend. I don't want to worry you but I'd give serious consideration to having someone with you to record the meeting for accuracy.

And any manager leaving you to fret like that until Monday is a bully.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 20:36:53

yes Sooty is right. Make this manager feel nervous herself. Make contemporaneous notes of the meeting you had today as well - do it now, write it all down.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 20:38:29

think of David Nicolson. Hundreds of people died on his watch. What does he do ? He brazens it out.

SugarPasteGreyhound Thu 04-Jul-13 21:01:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 04-Jul-13 21:08:23

How dreadful. Not sure what industry you are in but your manager should be there to support you, not hang you out to dry.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 22:27:13

All too predictable unfortunately. That's often how people become managers. OP would never have been so terrified if she hadn't known, inside, that this is how she'd be.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 04-Jul-13 22:28:14


FayKnights Thu 04-Jul-13 23:54:53

A good manager would back you to the hilt, she sounds terrible.

ghosteditor Fri 05-Jul-13 08:12:08

Wow. Well done you on taking the responsible first step.

Your manager sounds shite, to be frank. I'm a manager and the people who report to me are my responsibility. If they make a mistake, it's ultimately my responsibility to fix and figure out why it happened. And tbh I make damn sure that there isn't a culture of recrimination and fear which leads to stress and more mistakes.

Right now you need to address the issue at hand. If your manager is allowed to land this all on you then her managers aren't worth their salt either. Seriously - can you look for a new job? No one should have to live with this level of fear.

Like others have said though, this isn't just about the present situation. Have you considered some CBT or, possibly more appropriately here, some professional coaching? I've had three sessions with a coach and have common leaps and bounds with professional confidence. And they were very personal issues we discussed and which were holding me back.

Good luck.

Oopla Sat 06-Jul-13 23:08:17

I think you're ace. How much sadder to be telling folk " you're on to own if the shit hits the fan" honestly like this is your real life !

Times like this you look a tbyour manager and realise you could do the job 100 times better. * very long lingering meaningful look at OP*

MummytoKatie Sun 07-Jul-13 03:11:05

I abate staff. If they do something wrong and there is comeback then it is my fault and my problem because I manage the team.

My boss feels the same about my cock ups!

MummytoKatie Sun 07-Jul-13 03:19:38

Manage - not sure where abate came from!

ilovesooty Mon 08-Jul-13 01:47:40

I just want to wish you good luck for today.

Thepursuitofhappiness Mon 08-Jul-13 08:16:33

Hope it goes okay today OP and hope you managed to enjoy the sunshine this weekend without worrying.

I can be very like you, I've always felt the weight of responsibility in my jobs and lost sleep countless times about stuff I've done/not done. Without exception none of those times were worth the stress and work always copes.

Good luck.

Dackyduddles Mon 08-Jul-13 08:27:33

How you doing op? You should post this in employment issues. There's various excellent hr professionals and legals who can (tie that bitch of a manager in knots) really advise you well.

Def write down everything that's happened this far with dates & times and witnesses. Print out all policies relevant to this situation. Ask them to be clear which policies or procedure you have broken. I'm not suggesting fighting as if you are completely innocent just ensuring that you are treated fairly and equally as would anyone else in similar position in your team.

Good luck

Dackyduddles Mon 08-Jul-13 08:28:37

Agree with mummy to Katie too

imademarion Mon 08-Jul-13 09:06:37

sucha, was The Bad Thing something you had received training on? Who gave you the training if so?

Unless you have behaved in an illegal, immoral or deliberately unprofessional manner, your manager should be taking some responsibility for this situation.

Excellent post from dacky re documenting.

When cock-ups (inevitably) happen, I always look for the following in my staff:
1. Immediately bringing it to my attention
2. The facts and the sequence of events
3. Where appropriate, an apology and recognition if responsibility
4. (Most important) A desire to learn and use the experience to improve systems or service and sometimes even share the lessons with colleagues (unless this is too distressing)

Everybody fucks up at work. It's the law. What matters now is taking the emotional heat out of it and getting some perspective.

And maybe some help so you don't feel so awful and sick the next time.

As your boss, I'd feel ashamed that an employee felt like that.

theodorakisses Mon 08-Jul-13 09:24:56

I don't think confrontation and raised voices is acceptable, no wonder you are upset. I would be devastated if people felt like that about me. I recently had someone make an error with a booking that meant production was delayed by 12 hours which cost a lot of money. Nobody shouted, we have insurance and they came to us as soon as they realised they had forgotten to do it. What do you do? Fire them? Shout? In my company that would be seen as completely unacceptable. If things do get nasty, maybe keep a note of what was said or take someone in with you. Good luck.

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