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please give me your opinions about mother approaching dh on school run..

(242 Posts)
wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 16:25:36

would you have alarm bells rining if your partner/dh told you a women he often sees on school run (he shares it with me due to my job) & exchange smiles (as one does with many of the other mums to be friendly) has approached him asking him if he wants to be her 'cycling buddy' as she has seen him cycling. he said he was quite taken aback as he doesn't know her and has only smiled to before. possibly she thinks he is single etc or it could be literally just what she suggests although she could have approached anyone. tbh i wouldn't go upto someone else's partner at the school gate and ask them if they want to come with me to ie the gym or on a trip to do what i do for a living (if i had heard he was also into the same thing). opinions please... i am not very comfortable with it (or he) and i am not a posessive type, quite the opposite normally

Samu2 Wed 03-Jul-13 17:36:38

I think it's weird to ask someone you have only ever smiled at to be a cycling buddy too.

TidyDancer Wed 03-Jul-13 17:39:12

Well....she hasn't asked "someone else's partner" she has asked a fellow cyclist and parent.

If DH is at all uncomfortable with this, then I think he should say no, but I don't think you can reasonably say she shouldn't have asked based on the info you have given.

Yonihadtoask Wed 03-Jul-13 17:40:35

I feel bad for my flippant reply earlier.

No, I would not be happy about it if it were me. Yes, men can have women friends and vice versa - but it still doesn't sit right that she would approach him.

She definitely knows that he is 'taken' - has she seen you together?

Eyesunderarock Wed 03-Jul-13 17:41:57

Then he should say no, unless he's very keen on the idea and would love a cycling partner.
Why is that a problem? If she fancies him, all he has to do is smile and refuse all and every offer she makes.

fanjobiscuits Wed 03-Jul-13 17:42:15

It would bother me!

IndridCold Wed 03-Jul-13 17:42:17

Get your DH to give her details of a really intensive Tour de France type training programme with heart rate and power output targets and incredibly strict diet regime. Unless she is Laura Trott that should see her off.

digerd Wed 03-Jul-13 17:42:52

DH and I sometimes went cycling in a threesome - the other person was his best friend who was a confirmed bachelor. They had to slow down for me as I couldn't cycle as fast as them and we had to keep stopping when I needed a rest hmm

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 17:43:41

Does she know he is married OP?

Mind you, maybe she really does just want to chum along with someone on a cycle run!

Like I said, good people can't be "trapped" into anything unless they want to be!

CrapBag Wed 03-Jul-13 17:43:46

If the other mums cycle as well then yes I would find it odd that she approached an attractive man who she has never spoken to, to ask if he wants to be her cycle buddy. Plus the beeping and waving? Who does that unless its someone the know well.

Add that with the fact that your DH is already uncomfortable, nope, I don't think I would like it either.

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 17:45:00

And Indrid has a good idea grin

Laura Trott! grin

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 17:46:36

I only wouldn't like it if I didn't trust my husband.

So if this was my DH we'd have a laugh about it then move on.

Eyesunderarock Wed 03-Jul-13 17:47:33

How about :
"I'm a happily married man and your over-familiar behaviour is making me very uncomfortable. Please stop"

if 'no thank you' isn't clear enough.

FauxFox Wed 03-Jul-13 17:49:39

This happened to me once, a school run dad said he had seen me running and asked if he could join me, I'm sure he wasn't hitting on me or anything but it didn't feel quite right so I just advised him on a good beginners running route for him to go and try and left it at that. We didn't have many conversations after that, I think he was a bit embarrassed by the whole thing...

mrsravelstein Wed 03-Jul-13 17:51:36

i'm trying to think of an analogy. i have a dog who sometimes comes on school run. if a totally random dad came up one day and said he was looking for a dogwalking buddy, i would 100% assume it was a come-on. a bit different if i knew him & his wife and our kids were in same class, although i still wouldn't do it as that is the way that misunderstandings happen.

wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 17:58:17

he said he was taken aback and felt awkward but what could he say? he can't say 'no i am married' as it is ridiculous :-D especially if she does just want to have someone to cycle with having noticed him in the day go off cycling. he said he would go one to see what it felt like ie he said if she is clearly a cycling enthusiast and clearly just wanted someone to ride with fair enough, he said if he got vibes of anything else he would say he wasn't comfortable etc as he was happily married, or something of the sort. i still can't shake the pissed off feeling, pissed off with her for being so forward towards someone else's partner, i wouldn't do it, not a chance. she has already called him :-D and left a message. fwiw we are rarely together, we share the school run BUT she has been there for the duration from reception to the year they are currently in (many years now), she MUST have noticed us together

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 17:58:52

Ah well, we are all different.

My DH is a good man.

He would no more be led astray by some other woman (even if he did go cycling with her) than fly to the moon. So if he agreed to something like that in an embarrassed way I wouldn't have any problem.

Other than wondering what small minded gossips might make of it that is. And small minded gossips don't really bother me.

Salmotrutta Wed 03-Jul-13 18:00:43

X-post - I was replying to mrsravelstein

Sounds like your DH has sorted what to do then OP.

IndridCold Wed 03-Jul-13 18:03:12

Being serious, I wouldn't ask someone to be a cycling buddy, male or female, without knowing how good they were. I.E. how far is a typical ride, how many times a week, type of terrain, hills etc.

If she didn't lead up to asking him to be a buddy without first having a conversation like that then I would be suspicious of her motives.

Your DH obviously feels uncomfortable, instincts are usually to be trusted in things like this.

ThePinkOcelot Wed 03-Jul-13 18:08:06

I wouldn't like it.

wintertimeisfun Wed 03-Jul-13 18:08:23

it doesn't help that she is younger than me and pretty. i am ashamed to admit that i am insecure lately due to age (late 40's), timing isn't good re hormones/peri meno'. i have always felt so loved and have always felt very lucky with my relationship/marriate BUT i never take it forgranted, this isn't good timing really tbh. i have always trusted dh, never really thought about it much tbh, we both laugh as get the odd person flirting with us to do with our jobs but this just seems different. not looking forward to seeing her (which i often do) as i think she has been forward. noone likes the feeling that someone younger than them and pretty may possibly be trying to move in on their space. i trust dh but i don't trust all females. always the fear that your partner could fall inlove with someone else, some females disguise their motives and know what strings to pull, i have heard of marriages that were really good falling apart because of an office flirt encouraging their partner to fall inlove with them. not happy

CalamityKate Wed 03-Jul-13 18:08:49

Nope. Would be suspicious of her motives and even if they're innocent I don't see the point of putting opportunity in people's way.

It's all very well being all cool and "I wouldn't mind at all! Why should I? We have a good marriage/trust each other" etc but I think that's a very naive way to think. Not that it's not true - just that the divorce courts are full of people who trusted their spouse implicitly, and equally of spouses who genuinely didn't go looking for an affair.

frutilla Wed 03-Jul-13 18:09:11

I guess I'm the jealous type, it sounds predatory to me. I wouldn't be happy at all and if my DH accepted, I would kick up a real fuss and put an end to it!

catgirl1976 Wed 03-Jul-13 18:10:50

Wouldn't bother me

Unless it was a) Kelly Brook or b) DH had a habit of shagging his cycling buddies

Dackyduddles Wed 03-Jul-13 18:10:55

Did he think he was being chatted up?

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 03-Jul-13 18:11:02

A woman approached my ex about being her running buddy. She fancied the pants off him.

I bet my bottom dollar this woman fancies your DH.

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