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AIBU?

To pinch her fancy man

27 replies

JaffaMyCake · 03/07/2013 14:31

Not relating to me directly but two of my good friends.

Two weeks ago a big group of us when out to a bar for a couple of drinks, my friends Claire and Jane both clapped eyes on a man at the bar (Scott), both of them spoke to him briefly and he didn't ask for either of their numbers - fine, we thought as he was obviously out with work colleagues.

It has now emerged that Scott is friends with the husband of one of my other good friends, and that Scott fancies Claire and wants to take her out. Claire and Jane both know about this and suffice to say that Jane is not best pleased about Claire going on a date with the man she fancies.

So who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Report

LittleMissGerardButlerfan · 03/07/2013 14:34

I'd say tough luck to Jane, Scott likes Claire and Claire likes Scott. It's not like anyone should have first dibs on him!

I presume Jane didn't give Scott her number?

giantpurplepeopleeater · 03/07/2013 14:34

Gosh, how old are they? 12????

Jane is being ridiculous.

Poledra · 03/07/2013 14:37

'fancy man'! An expression not heard round these parts since my dear ol' gran shuffled off this mortal coil.

Though she always used it to refer to someone's bit on the side

Pantone363 · 03/07/2013 14:37

Jane needs to suck it up. She should've made her move and given him her number in the bar.

JaffaMyCake · 03/07/2013 14:37

From what I can gather, Jane may have surreptitiously tried to give Scott her number, which he didn't take.

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Pantone363 · 03/07/2013 14:39

Actually lets be honest Janes just pissed off because it wasn't her. He doesn't know them, they both had a brief chat so really he has chosen Claire on the basis of looks alone.

He's basically said Claire is better looking than Jane.

theorchardkeeper · 03/07/2013 14:40

Bet Jane would jump at the chance if the table's were turned and the fact that they both like each other isn't Claire's fault is it? A good friend would graciously bow out at this point and be happy for them tbh

JaffaMyCake · 03/07/2013 14:40

It might also be worth mentioning that this is the second time this kind of thing has happened.

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theorchardkeeper · 03/07/2013 14:41

(and it's just a date! Not a marriage proposal. She just feels rejected and is taking it out on Claire).

JaffaMyCake · 03/07/2013 14:42

I do feel for Jane, I know it must be horrible to not be "chosen" as such and as a fairly recent divorcee I know her confidence has taken a knock, but it's not really Claire's fault is it?

On the other hand I can't help thinking that if Claire was a really good friend shed decline the offer so as not to make Jane feel bad.

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theorchardkeeper · 03/07/2013 14:42

Oh, in that case she needs to grow up. It's probably not even because she's not as 'attractive' but that they're different types or something.

That's just how it goes and you can't control your friend's love life (well, you can try but it's unreasonable and makes you look very immature and bitter).

theorchardkeeper · 03/07/2013 14:43

I wouldn't expect a friend to decline because you never know if you're taking away a decent shot at something for them and it's a bit bitter and selfish.

I'd feel for Jane but it's not Claire's fault.

Dumpylump · 03/07/2013 14:44

Well in that case, Scott clearly isn't interested in Jane, and it would seem that whether he ends up going out with Claire or not, he isn't going anywhere with Jane.
It's a shame for her, but not really the end of the world, unless they're all 14, in which case it clearly is the end of the world.

JaffaMyCake · 03/07/2013 14:46

Dumpy I do sometimes wonder if they are all still stuck at being 14, but having been with DH for going on 10 years I've forgotten what love life drama is like!

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squoosh · 03/07/2013 14:48

'Pinch her fancy man'?

Firstly, I really hope this is a timeslip thread and this all happened in 1952.

Secondly, I don't think a 'fancy man' is someone you fancy, it's someone you are indulging in a bit of 'how's your father' (keeping with the retro theme) with.

Thirdly, Jane needs to get over herself. I'm sure she'll find a nice chap at the next tea dance who'll take her out for a spin of a Sunday.

theorchardkeeper · 03/07/2013 14:50

I can understand her feeling rejected and wanting her friend to maybe 'choose sides' & not make it more painful because she likes him too but as an adult you just do have to be mature about things like this and yes, suck it up because it's not just about you and your feelings is it. That's the part that's making her sound about 14!

WafflyVersatile · 03/07/2013 14:50

JIBU!

theorchardkeeper · 03/07/2013 14:53

(btw i'm only 22 myself and have been in this position with a childless friend & felt pretty shit about myself because of it but let her get on with it because I knew it would've been pretty unfair to throw a strop because I felt a bit sore about it. It blew over really quickly anyway and they're still together and very happy & I met someone else so I'm glad I never threw a strop or my friend might still be single just because I couldn't suck it up)

Eyesunderarock · 03/07/2013 14:53

Agree that a fancy man is one you are already in a light-hearted relationship with, and my grandmother used as a rem of disapproval, even if said couple were in their 70s.
Is Claire a recent divorcee, does she have children?
Jane should stop going out on the prowl with her if she feels upset by the lack of response in the men she takes a fancy to.

Eyesunderarock · 03/07/2013 14:55

Oh, and if this is a plot from a soap, I'm not going to recognise it.
Not even if Jane runs down Claire in a 4x4 after her first date with Scott screaming 'You took my man, you bitch'

Eyesunderarock · 03/07/2013 14:56

rem?
term.
I think DS has done something sticky involving jam with my laptop.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 03/07/2013 15:05

Jane is being a 5 year old about it and needs to get over herself. I have had someone behave like this to me once (giving me a hard time because a man we met at the same time asked me out, not her) and it is really, really, irritating and silly. Poor Claire probably feels guilty even though a) Fancypants isn't going to ask Jane out anyway, whatever happens and b) this isn't her her fault AT ALL.

Unfortunately some people just really don't understand why their friends shouldn't put themselves second to their interests, all the ruddy time.

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RubyThePirate · 03/07/2013 15:45

As a teen, I had a friend like Jane.

Ignoring signs he liked me, I was expected to step aside (natch) so she could charm this boy with a Valentine that she wanted my help to write. He sent me flowers.

Jane's behaviour is a little undignified.

Latara · 03/07/2013 15:53

Jane needs to grow up! How old are they all anyway?

TheRealFellatio · 03/07/2013 15:54

Jane is being daft and acting like a 14 year old.

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