Neighbour kid is annoying me! Help!(161 Posts)
We just had new neighbours move in right beside us. The day they started moving in an adorable 9yr old boy walked into my house, introduced himself, proceeded to tell me how we will be seeing a lot of him. I thought it was cute at the time. I didn't even think to say something about it then because he's new and overly excited. I let it slide. (noted that keeping the doors locked would be a good idea incase he's used to just walking in on strangers)
I have a 2yr old boy, 3yr old girl and an 8yr old girl. My two toddlers keep me hopping as it is. We don't have play days everyday because its just too much. Anyways, this new child comes over about 10am the day after. No problem! My oldest girl was delighted to have a friend right next door. I was excited for her as well. Most of the morning was spent perfect. Then lunch time came around and I told him if he wanted to stay he was welcome but had to go home and ask his parents if it was okay. Not two minutes later he was back and his dad asks if I can watch him for a little while they have to run out. Uhhh... What?! You don't even know my name. We have not met before and that's the first thing you ask me? * mind boggled* Being neighbourly I say " sure, that's okay." So he stays for lunch. We continue playing outside. He starts fighting with my three year old daughter over every toy she has. I get that he's a single child but at 9 he should know how to share and not snatch. Yet every time I or my DH caught him he claimed she did it first.
Then dinner time rolled around ( take into consideration that I'm used to parents picking their children up before dinner. It's like an unwritten rule where I live). Parents didn't come over to get him. I tell him that he needs to go home for dinner. He says " My dad said I can stay for dinner too." Umm... Okay, I guess. So we have dinner. By now I'm thinking surely the parents will be calling him to come home. Nope, no such luck. At 7pm I finally shipped him home. Day one is over.
Day 2- ding dong. "Can I come in?" I tell him the girls are outback. It's a beautiful hot day. Not three minutes later he wants back inside the house. I tell him that we are only playing outside today because its so nice out. He pouts, I don't want to play outside blah blah blah. My kids enjoy all the time they can get outside. I stand my ground and ship him back outside. Then the battling with my three year old beings, I watch him take toys away from her and tell my oldest girl that he doesn't want to play with my 3yr old. My daughters are very close and my oldest ALWAYS includes my youngest. She's not happy he's acting like this. Then he starts doing anything to make my youngest cry. I try talking to him but he constantly talks over me while I'm trying to correct him. He argues EVERYTHING! I've even threatened to send him home and it doesn't make a difference. Then my DH and kids went out so I sent him home. Before leaving he spent 5mins arguing DH as to why he should be allow to go too. I'm in the house cleaning about 20 mins later and ding dong. I answer the door and its him. He wants to come in. I explain that I'm home alone and the kids are still out. He proceeds to beg, argue and offer to help me clean. After about two mins of saying No. I finally had to say "Go Home!" My husband pulls into the driveway and isn't even out of the car yet and he's at the car door. My DH tells him that we need to have lunch and will come over to invite him over when we are done. He begs, pleads, argues and wont leave. Finally we have to yet again tell him to go home. He doesn't take no for an answer, constantly arguing and talking over you. It's such strange behaviour for a 9yr old boy! As we are in the kitchen our daughters tell us that he's in the living room window telling her to tell her dad to let him come in. REALLY!? DH goes to the window and it takes three times saying no and to go home before he goes over to his house. After lunch I send my daughter over to invite him back. After all we said we would. Although by now we didn't really want to. He continues to pester my 3yr old every chance he gets and complains about playing outside instead of inside my house. He stayed till dinner and we sent him home. We had a late dinner around 630 so he didn't come back after.
Day 3 - the kids and I go outside in the morning. Not 5mins after he's here. I let him come into the yard to play. He starts asking to go inside. I tell him no, we are spending the day outside. He starts fighting with my three year old again, making her cry, whining and arguing about playing inside my home vrs outside. I'm not exaggerating when I say this kid argues with me about everything!!! The mom yells from her Deck she has something to do and will be back. didnt even ask my permission to leave her son. I may have three kids but that doesn't give people the right to assume I babysit theirs. he starts telling my oldest not to let my youngest onto the trampoline. Finally, I've had enough, my kids had enough... Time to tell him to go home. We go inside just to avoid having to play with him. Not an hour later he's back. I tell him we are busy and won't be able to play for the rest of the day. He whines , begs, keeps asking what we are doing that he can't do too. I keep telling him no, he has to go etc. Bot playing more today. He leaves. 30 mins later ding dong! He's back. Ugh! I tell him " I told you we aren't playing anymore today" .. He demands to know what we are doing that he can't do, he could just watch etc etc... No matter what I say is not getting through to him. Finally I had to say... "Please go home right now". He proceeds to tell me " this sucks!" I shut the door. One hour later ding dong! Really? You have got to be kidding me! Open the door and no one is there. Go to close the door and he jumps out from around the side of my house! "Did I scare you?" mind boggled I tell him that I've already told you we aren't playing anymore today. He now wants to know again what we are doing in our home. I don't feel I owe this child an explanation at all. I just say " we aren't playing everyday all day , we don't have friends over that much.I've already explained this to you. Stop coming back and go home." He pouts, still talking over me. Finally I say goodbye and shut the door. Not two hours later he's back! And says to me " I can't remember did you say all day they can't play." Gezz! I tell him " yes, all day." He says why? I repeat the other conversations. Again he's pouting, arguing, begging and again demanding to want to know what we are Doing that he can't. I said that we needed family time and now I was making dinner and the girls were playing together. Wrong answer! "Playing!? Why can't I join?" I tell him I'm sorry but I already told you we don't have friends over all the time and I've told you numerous times no more today. He begs, talks over me while I'm explaining and finally I just say goodbye and basically have to shut the door in this child's face cause he won't leave until I do! He got the message this time. He didn't come back. Until tomorrow I'm sure :s
I feel bad for him because he's in a new place, new house, new friends but my three year old is constantly being tormented by this boy and my 8yr old doesn't like that he's not nice to her sister. I have no idea what to do! I would appreciate any advice! Talking to him doesn't do a thing. I thought about talking to his parents but its only been three days. I'm scared to make enemies with the neighbours. After telling my husband all this he wants to go over and tell the parents he doesn't want their child at our house anymore. I don't know what to do. Thought I'd write here and maybe someone would have advice for me. Help please!
Surely Mom, it is glaringly obvious that this is not normal behaviour and that the poor child is either being sent out of the house or is going out voluntarily because he is not welcome at home. His parents are clearly neglecting him and do not want him around, whether they are heavy drinkers or not.
His behaviour with your daughter is because he does not know any better - maybe he is a victim of violence himself. Victims often vent on those weaker than themselves.
If this happened to me I would be sitting him down and talking to him about his home life and situation and possibly contacting the social services to investigate as well.
Try and get to the bottom of the situation - you may be able to help a child here.
When you put it like that I am sure in your situation I wouldn't want to bring them pie either! The situation does sound odd and they have definitely taken the piss with getting you to watch their child without even introducing themselves.
Glad to hear the the little boy got the message. Hope the rest of summer break goes well for you.
Glad he's stopped hassling you. Hopefully he'll find friends in the neighbourhood or at school.
i didnt mean to criticise you....i would have 'banned' him also, if he was repeatdley mean to my dcs
@ Boomba I'm not even sure there is a situation. His behaviour is strange, the parents getting me to watch him without knowing me is odd, my DH thoughts on the mom having a drink in the morning is just his opinion but lMO not worthy of calling authorities. If I was sure or seriously suspected something I would in a heartbeat but I won't just because I think they are odd. As for banning him - I did what I had to to protect my 3yr old. My DH thinks talking with the parents will not help. I choose to respect his decision but I do not feel I'm ignoring the situation. I made the best decision for my children.
i dont think i could just ban him and then ignore the situation
Can you express your concerns to the school?
i know that your family are your priority and he is not your responsibility...but people minding their own business is how children slip through the net
@ crabbybigbottom so far so good. He hasn't came back since I told him he can't play here.
Any further trouble Mom or do they seem to have got the message now?
@ doitnicelyplease These parents didn't introduce themselves to us their second day here when they asked us to watch their child. The mother didn't introduce herself when she hollard from her balcony for me to watch him again the next time. Other than holding up a beer and saying good morning to my DH they have not spoken to us or even said hello in passing. Yet the neighbourly thing for me to do would be bringing them pie? Really? People who couldn't be bothered to find out my name before dropping their child off like I'm a free nanny service. No thanks! I think that would just reinforce the assumption that they can take further advantage of my good nature. I think I have been polite enough to them and their child. Speculating and venting on here is just a form of release but thank you for the advice. I can see where you think that's the right thing and normally I'd agree with you. However, in this case I disagree.
What an awful imposition on your personal space OP. I couldn't bear it for a single day and think you must have the grace of a saint to have tolerated it this long.
I feel sorry for the boy who is clearly being neglected but it's not your job to be his mother. Especially when he is so hard to be around.
I have read the thread and agree the boy sounds very annoying and acting out of order but I really can't understand that the OP or her DH do not want to go over and introduce themselves to the parents? I am in North America too and everywhere we have lived the other neighbours have come over to give us a pie/cookies or similar welcome gift.
Surely the OP would be better to get to know them at little bit (without even mentioning their boy's behaviour) just so if anything escalates later on or he starts pestering again they are not complete strangers?
Also just chatting to them face to face you might get a bit more of an insight into his life/behaviour/what they are like etc than just speculating on here and IMO it just a polite thing to do isn't it?
He sure sounds persistent! I agree with the 'don't explain' approach.
There's a parenting tip I learned recently which is that a child will hear the first five words you say and the rest they hear as 'blah blah blah blah blah blah blah'. So all of your polite explanations are falling on deaf ears I'm afraid. Just say, 'no, I'm sorry but DDs will not be playing today. Thanks Billy, goodbye' and shut the door.
I think you are doing the right thing, protecting your child. You're also protecting your oldest from having her relationship with her sister weakened, and learning some pretty bad behaviour.
I know the SS mention had people up in arms, but if you suspect she is drunk in charge of the child or neglecting him in any way (like leaving him with strangers, which is classed as neglect) then I'd have no hesitation about calling them or NSPCC. You don't want to be one of those neighbours who says 'Yeah we always thought there was something a bit wrong there, but we didn't like to say'.
In the meantime, though, I think it's a very good idea that he is not allowed to come and play. Quite apart from the behaviour, I think you need to have your home as a haven and have invited guests or occasional visitors only, not someone running in and out all day long, and the situation sounded like it would only escalate.
I'm just wondering whether his parents knew , or cared, he was with you so much in the first place.
I think you have been remarkably patient. You have done what you can and given it a go. BUT your kids are the priority and I fully agree that your DD should not be bullied and not in your home! As a member of the general public your do have a responsibility to inform the relevant authorities if you actually see or hear of any n eglect or maltreatment of the boy. But the responsibility ends there. Your responsibility lies with your own children and family values first and foremost. If you have alarm bells ringing in your head re this child's behaviour then you are 100% right to end his contact with your children. Been there and didnt with horrible consequences x
Trouble is, now that theparents are "used" to not checking where their son is, will they know he's not at yours?
Not your responsibility, I know, but it might be wise to let the parents know he's not with you, so they have at least a chance to do something with that information.
I would ddfinately be consistent and just keep saying No.
I think you have been very kind and patient, and are handling it very well.
Just say 'not now dear' in a really friendly voice every time. poor kid.
I would agree with your DH that if they want to know let them do the leg work. If you go over it could be construed as confrontational, plus you're involving yourself more than you want to.
To offset any guilt you feel, just keep an extra eye out for anything suss going on. The woman saying cheers with the beer to your DH says she's not bothered who sees her doing that, so what she's like behind doors is anyone guess. But you can't let the situation into your own house when there's no chance of getting away from it (because they live literally on your doorstep).
Your DD sounds lovely my DD1's the same and so protective over DD2, it's reassuring to see. They do test out arguing boundaries between them, but it's harmless and DD2's learnt to give as good as she gets
I feel so sorry for this lad as sounds like he doesnt get any attention at home, and he seems to like you. He isnt your responsibility though and your kids are more important. Maybe he has a younger brother/sister and has been pushed out? Would explain why he doesn't like younger kids and why he would say he didnt have any siblings! It is worrying though as he does sound strange and clearly doesnt come from a stable and living background, who dumps their kid on someone they've never met???if your jids was going to new neighbours for hours on end surely you would meet them?very strange indeed.
I agree with you homebird8 my children do need to know that. My three year old should not be experiencing bullying and most definitely not in her own home! If they come over I will explain my reasons but I will not be willing to have him back here.
I think your approach is sensible. Regardless of what your DH thinks might be the reason, you have put your own children and family dynamic first. This little boy is not your responsibility. He has a family and parents of his own, who haven't even done you the courtesy of introducing themselves. A firm 'not allowed anymore' to requests from him is not unreasonable. If he tells his parents, and if they are curious, perhaps they will talk with you. Even if they do I think the answer should still be no. Your children need to know they come first.
My oldest is 8 and gets very upset about how he treats her sister. There's no reason this boy shouldn't listen to my repeated corrections on his behaviour. I let it go far too long already. He's great with my oldest but my youngest he completely dislikes and doesn't want around. That makes me not want him playing with my 8yr old even when my 3yr old isn't around.
My DH doesn't want to deal with the parents. He thinks that if they want to know why their child is no longer allowed here they can come ask. Until then he's telling me to just tell him he's not allowed here every time he comes back. Thoughts? Good idea or bad?
I didn't want to put this on here. I hate to seem judgemental but my husband thinks the mom is a heavy drinker. On his way to work one morning the mom was sitting on her steps , held up a beer and said good morning. Ever since my DH has decided they're probably heavy drinkers and a talk with them won't help.
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