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To be quite worried about my daughter's extreme shyness?

(161 Posts)
21stCenturyDropout Tue 02-Jul-13 21:22:44

I am getting increasingly worried and frustrated about my 5 year old Dd. She is a lovely child, really creative and funny and doesn't stop chatting when she is around her close family.
However, she started school in September and has found it hard to be part of group activities or anything that involves speaking or being centre of attention. So far we have had to watch her struggle through school activities like the nativity play and sports day. She couldn't even look up during her nativity play. Every parents evening her teacher says she is doing fine. Not the most outgoing child, but quietly confident doing her own thing, which is encouraging. But she can't bring herself to speak to adults who try to engage with her, and takes a very long time to warm up in social situations. Her birthday party was really awful as she couldn't even bring herself to sit at the table with the other children. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that my child is so lacking in confidence.
My husband and I were both shy as kids, and still find some social situations a strain. I understand that some people are introverts and that it can be a real strength in life to be more sensitive. But I am so worried for her future. I don't want her to go through life missing out and feeling socially crippled.
What can I do to help her? I am so desperate to help her through this.

claw2 Thu 04-Jul-13 19:07:51

Sorry, I wasn't ignoring you, had to take said puppy for a walk!

I suppose it is a case of what came first the chicken or the egg or in this case the condition or investment in pharmaceutical industry.

It is much like the education 'industry' of SN's and provision, where the government have the monopoly on assessment and provision. The same person is responsible for sub contracting assessments of needs, as is providing of provision and purse strings.

Regardless of finance gain, I am sure there are many who have been crippled with severe depression, some maybe even suicidal who have welcomed those drugs/help/support to enable them to function.

Crumbledwalnuts Thu 04-Jul-13 19:10:01

Lol don't worry and I'm sure what you say is true.

MumuDeLulu Thu 04-Jul-13 19:17:20

Blimey! An AIBU thread about possible SN / possible far end of 'ordinary' in which the vast majority of posts are respectful and possibly very helpful.

We need to report it. Is this a record?

claw2 Thu 04-Jul-13 19:25:02

I was just thinking the same, how it turned into an interesting respectful discussion!

MumuDeLulu Thu 04-Jul-13 19:33:15

And covered all the pros and cons of Normalising-wait&see v. Investigating-treating.

claw2 Thu 04-Jul-13 19:39:24

We even covered puppies, which i would highly recommend for socially awkward kids, what more could you ask for!

Goldmandra Thu 04-Jul-13 19:43:15

We even covered puppies, which i would highly recommend for socially awkward kids, what more could you ask for!

Agreed, apart from when said child loses it about the chewed up stress ball. We'd just tidied that bedroom too sad

claw2 Thu 04-Jul-13 19:59:44

Oh yes Goldmandra smile or when puppy does a runner with a little Moshi Monster figure which ds has carefully lined up in a lovely neat row with all other figures, which NO ONE is allowed to touch!

Although he is forgiven, eventually! Ds chats away to him for hours and has connection with him, he just doesn't take to humans in the same way, puppies are far less complicated!

Goldmandra Thu 04-Jul-13 20:41:47

All seems to be forgiven. She is now rolling round the living room floor being jumped on and licked by the puppy and the Jack Russell. She's in heaven.

I just have to source and new blue and green globe stress ball now.

I blame the OP for starting such a stimulating thread that I forgot to move it before leaving the room wink

ilikemysleep Thu 04-Jul-13 20:49:13

Cracking post up there, Goldmandra. (not the puppy one, lovely though that is, the long one smile ) You said more or less what I was trying and failing to say. Thanks.

claw2 Thu 04-Jul-13 21:13:25

"In my experience and that of many other parents I know whose children have SNs of some sort, professionals are very reluctant to diagnose children with any sort of disorder"

My experience exactly, it took us 3 and half years to get a diagnosis.

"I have come across several teaching staff who have a rigid view that identifying a particular need in a child is labeling them in a negative way and that it should be avoided"

Again my experience exactly, it was due to ill informed or inexperienced teachers, that prolonged the whole diagnosis process and in fact was very detrimental to the support that ds received and made his behaviour far worse.

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