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To be upset that I didn't get a Get Well Card?

(76 Posts)
PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:02:38

Or any kind of 'good wishes' message from my boss (indeed any message at all in any way from him!) or from my 'team', following surgery to remove damaged lumbar spine disc? It was planned, but the timing was short. I am off for 4wks plus, depending on recovery.

I know cards or good wishes are not compulsory, but, they are good for morale aren't they? It just tells me, which I suspected, that my team are pissed off with my absence, as I have had time off already due to long term back problems. But, it's been no secret, I also go into work in agony sometimes to try not to let my team down, I know I am a burden not an asset, but that is the point of this surgery, to improve my health so it no longer controls my life - so, although not just done for work purposes, they will of course benefit as I will in time have less time off due to back problems (here's hoping).

I have just received my payslip in the post. It get's sent to my place of work, and has been forwarded on to me, put in an envelop. So, someone put it in the envelop, sealed it, wrote my address on it. Not even a scrap of paper inside with good wishes. So, they have my address, so it's not that they don't know where to send it either.

I have felt the crisp atmosphere of my 'team' already, but hoped maybe, maybe my 11 years today service would mean I was missed a little bit. This used to be my career and now it is pretty clear it's just a job.

AIBU to be sad? DH says I should not have expected one, and, I didn't really, I am not surprised. I was hoping I would be pleasantly surprised. But I still can't help feeling a bit sad about it.

VitoCorleone Tue 02-Jul-13 19:05:13


I think that would upset me too.

VitoCorleone Tue 02-Jul-13 19:05:50


I think that would upset me too.

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 02-Jul-13 19:08:09

Aw love. FWIW I was off work for a month after surgery following absences for gall stones flare ups, and I didn't get a card or anything - my team loved me (modest lol) but they just weren't that sort of team. Is it possible you're projecting your guilt about your absences onto your team?

ihearsounds Tue 02-Jul-13 19:14:15

Depends how long you have been off so far.
Had get well cards/work organised them, but been a week off before received/sent.

CustardOmlet Tue 02-Jul-13 19:17:47

I didn't even get a card when I had my son, no one from my team has even made the effort to meet them and he's 7months old! YANBU to be upset, but YABU to expect people to think of anyone but themselves.

PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:19:05

oh yes, very likely! It's quite an insular team with a couple of 'cliquey' people. It's a government organisation, split into regions, and this building has around 100 people in total, split into teams of around 8-12. It is notorious for being bitchy, cliquey and not a particularly pleasant place to work if your 'face doesn't fit'. The big boss has tried to improve team work in the larger picture. I expect if those people in the clique were off, cards, flowers etc would be bought. I know of one person who had a visit in hospital (wouldn't want that!) and had lots of lovely things bought for her, but, she was actually quite poorly and very isolated in her RL so really needed to know people gave a toss. I don't want lots of lovely things. Just a little acknowledgment from people who actually know quite a lot about me and my own shit and we who have seen me go from being a lively fast moving woman to a shell of a person, there are some in my team who know what this means for me.

It really wouldn't have taken much for my boss to get a card, and walk to the desk of my colleagues and ask for a scribble.

I moved to this office from another office about 7yrs ago. I was warned about it's reputation, and they were right. I moved from a team who I loved. A team who sent me flowers and a card signed by the whole office, of 50+ people, over a year after I left, when I had my baby. They did warn me and I laughed that off!

I now officially feel like a wage slave! How weird is it that an absence of a card can highlight that!

digerd Tue 02-Jul-13 19:20:51

I got a get well card with a box of chocs after being in hospital for 3 weeks prior to surgery and after the surgery smile.
However, under the signatures it said you have only 3 weeks left of sick pay -as I had been there only 6 months. shock sad

PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:21:07

custard oh that is shite! You have summed it up. I do feel upset, but also know that it just highlights how people are so self absorbed. But, that makes me sad, cynical, and probably a little bitter. Like, I feel like, well sod you, don't come around to me with your 'get well cards' and birthday cards to sign now, with your little collections. I a won't be signing them. And that makes me sad that I am even thinking like that.

PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:23:00

ihearsounds was off for two days, had the surgery on the third day, and it's now 14 days post op. They were told about it the day before surgery, which was the day I was told about it!).

digerd shock so a lovely thing, followed by a blow! wow they have tact!

CustardOmlet Tue 02-Jul-13 19:25:13

Forgot to say... Get well soon!!! flowers

PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:27:47

custard thank you! and congratulations! I have had a bit of a backwards step today, that's probably not helped. Although, it has meant I have been in bed most of the day, other than to get up and pee (a million times as I have been drinking more water to combat bags under my eyes) and got to watch Hunger Games - and cry a few times during it.

lougle Tue 02-Jul-13 19:28:06

Could it be an issue of perception? Perhaps (and I'm not justifying it, but I think it could be a factor) the fact that it was planned surgery moved your absence into 'planned leave' territory in their minds, rather than 'sick person' territory?

If you look at it objectively, with all the issues of how you feel about your contribution towards the team aside, you aren't actually 'sick'. You are a person who had an expected surgical procedure and had booked time off work for that.

In your mind, all you want is an acknowledgement that you're not at work and that someone has noticed and feels the workplace is a poorer place for it. Perhaps you'll find that you get that when you get a warm welcome on your return?

DizzyPurple Tue 02-Jul-13 19:29:48

Sounds like where I work! Self absorbed totally. I've been off work with back problems for over 4 months and only one person (once) other than my boss (as she has to) has been in touch. The couple of times I've been in people are all superficially concerned but then forget me the second I've gone! Have quite a few work people on Facebook and not even a comment on there. Does irritate me rather!
Think I should be used to it, minimal interest when I got married and had a baby a year later. Different team to now but same thing!
So yes, I feel your pain!

SkinnybitchWannabe Tue 02-Jul-13 19:30:18

That doesn't surprise me tbh.
A workmate of my DH has been off work for over 5months after getting breast cancer..not a single manager or even her department manager arranged a card/flowers etc. My DH got so fed up asking if management were sending anything he organised a collection himself.
Considering at the time our companies chosen charity was Breast Cancer UK I think the way they just forgot about her was a disgrace.
I hope you feel better soon. flowers

Minky66 Tue 02-Jul-13 19:31:32

I was hospitalised with an ear infection that swelled up so badly it compressed my facial nerve and paralysed my face on one side. I was off work for 2 months because of it.

Not one single enquiry from any manager, no get well card and when I returned to work they tried to discipline me for being off sick!

Mind you I had no card for either of my children or when I left after 12 years of service, so at least they were consistent! The caring profession! (I was assured I was a valuable member of the team, honest!)

Although it was not the end of the world not getting a card or enquiry as to how I was I must admit it was quite hurtful when I thought about it, so I sympathise.

PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:33:17

lougle Perhaps you'll find that you get that when you get a warm welcome on your return? that made me laugh aloud in that sort of bitter old woman snorting kinda way grin no, that most certainly won't happen. They knew it was planned time off, as in 'at some point within the next 2-4 months I will have 4-6wks off', and then I went off sick due to my back 'going' surgery two days later, which was 1 month instead of the 2 from the 2-4. They most likely initially thought 'oh another bout of sickness <sigh>'. I have been off sick for 5wks and that was certainly not met with a warm welcome back, and no card then either. But it was taken in stages then.

I think that's the problem, I have been off for too long over the last 18 months due to back problems, and when I have been at work, it's not always been on full speed, and I have had a good few adjustments made, so, there is no sympathy. Not a jot. I am a pain in the side. And no card just confirms it.

DizzyPurple Tue 02-Jul-13 19:33:18

And yes if I was in the 'clique' it would be quite different!
Hope you're recovering well.

HadALittleFaithBaby Tue 02-Jul-13 19:34:02

YANBU. I'm a bit hurt that my work haven't got DD a gift or card. She's 11 weeks so its not going to happen now. Not to be grabby - it's not about the gift so much as just a gesture that they care enough. They do collections for everyone else. Definitely true about it being the thought that counts. Hope you recovery goes smoothly from here on in thanks smile

strawberrypenguin Tue 02-Jul-13 19:35:45

Aww pavlov that sucks. Hope you feel better soon and the surgery helps you long term too.
I was wondering how you were earlier actually and then I found this thread. thanks from me and wineif you're allowed it!
Strawberry (otherwise known as blogforbilly's mum!)

PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:36:39

It's so sad that there are employers/colleagues out there like this! Not just my place of work sad why can't people be kind to each other? My line manager who I got on well with, surprisingly so after a huuuge run-in a few years ago, if she was still my line manager, she would have got me a card, maybe even some choccies, and she would have either signed it from everyone or made them all sign it grin. My new line manager hasn't even made contact with me since surgery.

Jestrin Tue 02-Jul-13 19:37:30

I've had two ops and both times ignored by work colleagues. Not even a phone call. For my 40th I got a card and a bunch of Tesco flowers. It particularly pisses me off because others can get loads of stuff on special birthdays or if they've been ill. It's not the amount, to me, it's the THOUGHT.

imademarion Tue 02-Jul-13 19:37:33

This post makes me feel really sad for all the people who don't feel that they matter and whose self esteem is reliant on the observances and actions of others .

OP, sod them. I very much hope that your friends and family are looking after you with lots of fuss and attention.

Your colleagues are in your life through a series of work/career choices you have made; they're not there to prop you up emotionally and if you hope for that you will be sadly disappointed (hence this thread). You're worth more than the indifference of colleagues.

Hopefully your convalescence can give you a little perspective on these people, and when you return to work you can do so with a bit of detachment.

I wish you a speedy recovery and HOW brilliant is Hunger Games??

Jestrin Tue 02-Jul-13 19:39:11

Posted too soon! Feel better soon Pavlov flowers

PavlovtheCat Tue 02-Jul-13 19:42:39

hadalittefaith congratulations to you! The sods. honestly it's just rude. It's completely not about 'things', it's about being thought of. And I was less than thought of as they sent me my payslip with no note! Not even a 'hello here is your payslip'!

strawberry how is your little boy?! I am doing well. Really well. Had a slight increase/change of leg pain today, but going on some forums it seems this is normal/usual due to the damage of nerves, will take a while for leftover nagging pain to disappear. I am also doing too much (impatient). No wine though sad shame, I shall embrace the virtual glass!

dizzy so sorry you have back problems. It sucks, I have nothing but sympathy for you.

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