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To leave a 'friends' house after watching him hit his 9 year old.... V hard

(146 Posts)
Yummyummy Tue 02-Jul-13 18:36:02

20 stone bloke, after about 10 beers and a few spirits..... His daughter caught his foot by accident running by, he turned round and walked over to her and absolutely belted her across her bare thigh ( she was in a vest top and shorts)

Me dh and our dc walked calmly to the door, dh said he didn't feel comfortable with what we just witnessed , we r leaving and we drive home 40 miles even though we should have stayed over.

Now receiving emails asking why we havent been in touch since and how we should apologise for leaving and questioning him in his own house.

He's getting even angrier that we haven't responded so far. Coming through thick and fast and I am actually a tiny bit concerned thinking if he could hit his child like this ten what is he capable of?

Not sure how to deal with this :/ don't want to any ANY fuel

SpanielFace Tue 02-Jul-13 19:05:26


BrianTheMole Tue 02-Jul-13 19:08:16

You need to call ssd. Why did you leave a vulnerable girl in that position? Its not too late to do something now, you owe it to her.

quietbatperson Tue 02-Jul-13 19:08:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianTheMole Tue 02-Jul-13 19:10:32

In fact, if he's getting agitated about it and sending you emails like that, then the chances are he will take his frustrations out on her. You NEED to do something about it.

Madamecastafiore Tue 02-Jul-13 19:13:03

Yes quietbatperson you are as guilty as the abuser if you do nothing about the abuse IMO.

We all just keep quiet and walk away hoping that this will send a positive message. What like dads hitting me again so chas and Dave are embarrassed so walk out and leave me at his mercy.

Poor child will think she really worthless now!

Madamecastafiore Tue 02-Jul-13 19:14:54

And what if they had left the house and he had broke a few bones or fractured her skull.

Round of applause for walking out No NO NO.

The amount if kids seen at CAMHS. who have suffered abuse and knew people knew. They think they must have asked for it as no one helped.

BaconandEggButty Tue 02-Jul-13 19:17:33

I could never have walked out without taking the daughter. Sorry. You need to check she's ok.

10storeylovesong Tue 02-Jul-13 19:18:08

The police would most definitely take it seriously. And other agencies would become involved. Report this. Have the courage to stand up against it.

McNewPants2013 Tue 02-Jul-13 19:20:44

If OP walked out with the child she would have commited a crime, you can not take the law into your own hands by kidnapping a child.

Nor should the OP have stayed because she was putting another child in danger HER OWN

Madamecastafiore Tue 02-Jul-13 19:23:05

Seriously - do you think the Op would have been charged with kidnapping if her and her husband gave a statement about what had happened.

I would let them take me all the way to court knowing I did the bloody right thing removing her from the situation.

MorrisZapp Tue 02-Jul-13 19:23:22

I don't think you can just remove kids from their parents. And I doubt the big aggressive drunk would have allowed it anyway, without triggering more violence and confrontation.

TWinklyLittleStar Tue 02-Jul-13 19:29:55

You can't remove a child from it's parents. However self defence or defence of another is a defence against any crime. In this case it would be a bit dicey as he hit the child once and stopped. Police could and should have been called from outside the home, however taking it to its extreme - if he had been kicking her repeatedly or using a weapon then obviously you wouldn't get done for child abduction if you pulled her away.

NatashaBee Tue 02-Jul-13 19:35:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MojitoMagnet Tue 02-Jul-13 19:37:58

Refusing to be friends with someone capable of violence like that is perfectly reasonable.

Leaving without reporting to police/SS is very unreasonable.

If it was bad enough for you to leave, it is bad enough to report. If this child is being hit, and you know it, you are responsible for getting her safe now. It is not that family's private business any more. If you don't report, you are enabling and endorsing all future abuse.

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 02-Jul-13 19:43:42

Please report this. I know from living with an abusive mother that if someone can do that in front of friends it's probably a lot worse when they don't have an audience. If you don't want to report to SS or Police directly please contact Childline (free 0800 1111) or NSPCC for advice and to report anonymously. If possible let the child know you are aware of what happened and that it's not being ignored. I think if OP had tried to just walk out with the child it would have blown up.

imademarion Tue 02-Jul-13 19:45:41

Did you speak to the little girl before you left? Or did you just silently flounce off, another set of adults who were behaving in an unusual, frightening and inexplicable way?

Have you been in touch with her or another adult who cares for her to see how she's doing?

Is she alone with her father?

Does he regulatory drink heavily and have you seem him physically abuse her before?

IMO you are witness to an assault and I believe you also have a moral obligation to ensure this little girl is protected by the authorities.

Yup, YWBU to leave her there without a word.

But I'm sure you feel great about making a stand and ignoring the consequent emails.

Nottalotta Tue 02-Jul-13 19:45:49

Was the mum there? What did the child do? I think i would have struggled not to tell him exactly what i thought at the time and(and yes may have got walloped in turn...)

imademarion Tue 02-Jul-13 19:46:38


theorchardkeeper Tue 02-Jul-13 19:55:14

If it was so hard to watch then how can you so easily walk away and not report it or keep an eye on things? hmm

It's not looking very good on your parts either to be honest, though at least you made a point about it I suppose.

theorchardkeeper Tue 02-Jul-13 19:56:28

(also my mum's a social worker and I feel fairly confident in saying if that's what he was able to do in front of company you can bet your bottom dollar that worse is happening when no one's there)

specialsubject Tue 02-Jul-13 19:57:43

don't see what else the OP could have done. Now time for the last bit - call social services. Especially as OP is verging on receiving threats.

littlewhitebag Tue 02-Jul-13 19:58:08

I am a child protection SW and i can say with some confidence that police and SW would want to investigate this as he has assaulted his DD and this may not have been the first time. It is everyones job to ensure children are protected. Get on the phone now.

hollyisalovelyname Tue 02-Jul-13 19:58:56

Was the girl's mum there? Was she left alone with her dad?
I had a situation quite like that- involving an adult being totally unreasonable to a child as they were leaving my home. Long story i will not go into here but he didn't physically assault her and was not drunk. I got involved to ensure the child got home safely. I was not supported by my family for 'interfering'. They thought I should not have done anything.
I believe i did the right thing because
'Evil triumphs because good people do/say nothing'
P.S. i'm not saying i'm a good person

Snazzywaitingforsummer Tue 02-Jul-13 20:02:55

It's not too late. I would report it now to SS. You can now show them the emails if that helps.

GiveMumABreak Tue 02-Jul-13 20:06:04

You did the right thing.

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