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To long for a world free from cunting pigeons

(141 Posts)
HoneyDragon Tue 02-Jul-13 17:57:23

Because the dog







And they just it there staring.


Coo, coo, coo. All day.

Bark, coo, bark, coo.

I apologised to the neighbours, thankfully they haven't noticed the dog. They will when I run after the feathery bastards with a chain saw though.

ZingWantsCake Tue 27-Aug-13 17:55:30

* Pidge*

You are a legend! cake

limitedperiodonly Mon 08-Jul-13 18:26:49

There's a bird, not a pigeon, that goes: 'tweek-tweek-tweek', outside my bedroom window from 4am to 5am in the summer.

It's probably the grandson or great-grandson of the original bird but I want to kill it.

HoneyDragon Mon 08-Jul-13 17:59:26

Green hill? grin

greenhill Mon 08-Jul-13 17:52:19

Coo <looks around> COO <sad pigeon>

HoneyDragon Mon 08-Jul-13 17:15:50

Cunting pigeons. Not counting.

HoneyDragon Mon 08-Jul-13 17:15:04


I think I have had a breakthrough.

Two pigeons have been doing the pigeon ugly bumps in a noisy flappy fashion. In others words, fucking like only wood pigeons can fuck.

They are brazenly at it on the swing, and the dog did not bark. That's right people, the Labrador is taking the moral high ground and settled for glaring at the counting pigeons instead.

Go Team Labrador!!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 05-Jul-13 22:12:39

A friend was telling me, the two main wild country types of pigeon have different calls. One sounds like its saying "my toooooeeees are hur-ting". The other says "I don't. CARE"!
So not only do I have to put up with cunting pigeons fucking cooing, I then spend the rest of the day with "my toes are hurting" going round and round my fucking head like an earworm!

limitedperiodonly Fri 05-Jul-13 19:37:34

wrt the Dickin Medal: I don't want to hurt animals but they just do what we want them to do, because they're just animals; not human.

It's why I think it's wrong for people to blame foxes for killing wholesale for fun. They do what they do and it's our responsibility to keep our pet rabbits and chickens secure and if we don't then that's our fault, not the fox.

Whenever I go past the smaltzy memorial to animals in WWI and II in Park Lane declaring 'they had no choice' I'm offended because animals don't have a choice, but neither did the humans who were conscripted or guilted into enlisting.

At least the animals didn't know what was going to happen.

HairpinsAndLacquer Fri 05-Jul-13 19:36:59

A pigeon scuppered my chances of going out with Handsome Andrew sad

Butterflywgs Fri 05-Jul-13 19:29:25

Pigeons can die.
So can seagulls.
Where I live on the south coast, we get both. I have a mild bird phobia - it's not fun feeling on edge every time I go to the shops.
I want to shoot people who feed them angry

GerundTheBehemoth Fri 05-Jul-13 19:24:20

More than 30 pigeons have been awarded the Dickin Medal, for their services in wartime:

GerundTheBehemoth Fri 05-Jul-13 19:21:41

limited yes, there was a lot more of it than you'd expect, and it was... pungent. Mind you, handfuls of rabbit diarrhoea doesn't sound too good either.

TheCuntingPigeon Fri 05-Jul-13 19:21:29

flowersflowers flowers flowers tennis flowers flowers flowersflowers
flowersflowersflowers tennis tennis tennis flowersflowersflowers
flowersflowers tennistennistennistennistennisflowersflowersflowers

Coo coo coo coo coo

MillyStar Fri 05-Jul-13 19:19:22

Thank you for this thread!

I am utterly fed up tonight but I am now laughing my head off!

I also hate the cunts

limitedperiodonly Fri 05-Jul-13 19:10:38

Really, Gerund? I guess it would be squirty and there'd be a lot of it relative to the size of the creature.

I picked up my SIL's lovely dwarf rabbit and was covered in diarrhoea. She'd been feeding it unwisely though I'm not quite sure on what.

TheCuntingPigeon Fri 05-Jul-13 19:05:58


GerundTheBehemoth Fri 05-Jul-13 19:01:08

I've been crapped on by a pigeon. It's not as bad as being crapped on by a chameleon.

limitedperiodonly Fri 05-Jul-13 18:57:19

I've never been crapped on by a pigeon.

My mum has always said it's lucky right up until the time a few weeks ago when one crapped on her shoulder a few inches away from mine.

Then she was shrieking for me to get it off her. <smug>

I've never been stung by a wasp either and I want to keep it that way.

GerundTheBehemoth Fri 05-Jul-13 18:57:11

<throws TheCuntingPigeon a handful of delicious, non-poisoned wheat> grin

TheCuntingPigeon Fri 05-Jul-13 18:42:02

Coo cooooooooooooooooooooooo cooo.


NightmareWalking Fri 05-Jul-13 18:29:48

*shoot that is!

NightmareWalking Fri 05-Jul-13 18:29:12

Collared dove, wood pigeon - just fancy ways to say cunting pigeons. I am having a bastard day - went to enjoy five minutes sunshine and got crapped on by the same dirty great pigeon that's been stealing my fruit. Shot the lot of them I say.

limitedperiodonly Fri 05-Jul-13 17:27:29

That stock dove is really sweet and the rock pigeons look graceful when they have a full complement of toes. I like the bronze ones you get round here.

I hate wood pigeons though. I wouldn't hurt one. But I would eat it if someone wanted to kill it and dress it for me.

I recommend spatchcocked, marinated in oil with cayenne and oregano and grilled, served on toasted ciabatta on a bed of warm tomatoes, oil and basil.

Lavenderloves Fri 05-Jul-13 17:26:43

Can you not buy a plastic owl to scare them away?

JakeBullet Fri 05-Jul-13 17:25:02

....and loving the post about the shotgun owning, gin soaked ex-colonel.grin

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