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To Say No Thanks To This...

(62 Posts)
FunLovinBunster Tue 02-Jul-13 15:09:33

Have just received email from a class parent asking us for cash to buy 2 girls in DDs class a leaving present...
One of the kids is Alpha Mothers and head of mummy clique DD.
It's their choice to leave, so why the actual fuck are we having to buy a present???
Email says its "optional" to join in collection. We all know what optional means in practice when it comes to school politics....
Have just had to shell out £10 for collection for teachers. Another demnding email. Another passive aggressive "optional" ...

FunLovinBunster Wed 03-Jul-13 14:23:37

Comunicasting? Communicating!
DD came home from a party at the weekend.
Comment #1 Alpha kissed Daddy, Mummy.
Daddy: Alpha kissed everyone

Comment#2 Alpha was wearing Lycra shorts Mummy
DD, Daddy and I: ewwwww....

FunLovinBunster Wed 03-Jul-13 14:20:41

Worry, that school sounds amazing! Little"rituals" that you mentioned are lovely, I particularly love the flower idea for teachers birthday.
Talkative, I can't be arsed co muni casting with this woman.
But I did phone my mum and tell her about it. We were both a bit WTAF??

Pagwatch Wed 03-Jul-13 07:10:42

I don't contribute to teachers collections, nor collections for class reps or sports coaches etc etc.
If I or dd want to we buy a gift. If not we don't.

No one else seems to care if I contribute or not. I haven't been shunned or anything.

WorrySighWorrySigh Wed 03-Jul-13 07:07:52

I agree everlong, it is possible for changes to be marked without it turning into passive aggressive competitive parenting.

everlong Wed 03-Jul-13 07:01:24

When a little boy left ds's school earlier this year there was no email asking for money.

He had a lot of presents on his last day that people had bought individually, he's a lovely boy and well liked. But nobody was pressured.

His mum brought cakes in too.

everlong Wed 03-Jul-13 06:58:13

You hate her.

Why are you even giving this head space?

urtwistingmymelonman Wed 03-Jul-13 06:28:19

we have several 'alpha' mums all continually attempting to out-alpha each other!
the rest of us all just sit back with our popcorn and 3d glasses and watch with wry amusement.

StuntGirl Wed 03-Jul-13 02:16:40

God, why do you care so much?

Ignore, delete, move on!

kotinka Wed 03-Jul-13 00:14:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalkativeJim Wed 03-Jul-13 00:13:32

Oh, a real pity that when she was proclaiming that her DC were being moved as your current school isn't academic enough, you didn't innocently reply - 'Yes, I can see why you'd want to send them somewhere that will push them along a bit more.' smile

Nanny0gg Tue 02-Jul-13 22:35:10

If a child ever left our school, the class would make a lovely card, usually accompanied by a fun class photo.

All arranged by the teacher/TA.

Nothing to do with the parents.


WorrySighWorrySigh Tue 02-Jul-13 22:23:26

DH has just reminded me of a couple of other things which DCs' primary school did:

- official teachers birthday (a bit like the queen!) for the whole school. The only collection was that each child was asked to bring in a single flower. These were then put together by the class mother to make a bouquet for the teacher.

- children's birthdays in reception were celebrated with the lighting of a candle for each year gone and one for the year to come. This accompanied by the teacher explaining what the children could do at each age and what they would be able to do in the year to come.

- in later years the birthday girl or boy would bring in a box of chocolates and would be given a blank card. They would then go from class to class and the teachers would sign the card and get a chocolate in return.

All very low key and child-centric.

WorrySighWorrySigh Tue 02-Jul-13 22:08:08

I agree that what was done for my DCs was about the class and teacher saying good bye and about my DCs saying good bye back.

A collection for a class gift will probably be pretty meaningless to the children which is sad.

Bumpotato Tue 02-Jul-13 20:38:30

Don't contribute if you don't want to.

At my girls' school the class reps send out a spreadsheet at the beginning of term with each child's name, birthdate, address great for google street viewing when bored , parent(s)' names, mobile number, landline and email address. Each parent has volunteered the info. It is handy but then again it isn't used for ridiculous requests like the one OP got.

FunLovinBunster Tue 02-Jul-13 18:13:26

Go for it Littlemiss!!
In fact, anyone here on MN that has a parent clique grievance, please feel free to go for it and vent!!

FunLovinBunster Tue 02-Jul-13 18:11:46

Worry that is a lovely idea, and heartfelt too. I think that what your school did is a lot more appropriate and child centric. Perhaps my passive aggressive email response should suggest something along the lines of your post.
Sadly I think the leaving gift collection in our class is more about the wannabes kowtowing to Alpha and her DD. And that revolves around the egos, not the children.

WorrySighWorrySigh Tue 02-Jul-13 18:02:06

When my DCs left their primary school as we were moving back to UK the class teachers took the opportunity to talk to all the children about change and moving on. The classes had made and decorated small gifts for each of my DCs and had a special little ceremony (to which we were invited) in each class.

It was very lovely.

Onesleeptillwembley Tue 02-Jul-13 17:41:12

Fuck the actual fuck off

Yep, concise but subtle grin

Alwaysbloodyhungry Tue 02-Jul-13 17:37:39

Fuck the actual fuck off ! Great line Funlovinbunster

Alwaysbloodyhungry Tue 02-Jul-13 17:35:46

Bollocks to that!

LittleMissGerardButlerfan Tue 02-Jul-13 17:35:41

Just say did you mean to be so rude?

We have an alpha mum and her crew at our school, it was clear from the start. We used to have to go in a separate yard for reception class but thankfully now it's just one big playground so you can avoid them.

They try and befriend everyone and then gossip about others and try and get info and bitch about everyone they are horrible. As time has gone on their clique has got smaller and smaller, there is only a couple left now so not even a group really.

They are on the PTA and I joined at first with others but the clique took over and after me helping at a couple if events and given the really crappy jobs I left them to it. The PTA is getting smaller and they have trouble getting people to help at events and no one else joins because they find it too cliquey.

I think eventually the PTA is going to have noone left and should hopefully get restarted with nice people grin

Rant over sorry OP I got a bit carried away!

flipchart Tue 02-Jul-13 17:35:20

Well there is obviously a huge dislike going on there!

In primary about. 5 kids left over the tears from DS1 class and we had a whip round for them.

No issues, no moaning. Just got them a toy or something and the kids signed a card.

If you don't want todo this fine. We get you don't like the mums!

Fakebook Tue 02-Jul-13 17:31:51

Just don't take part! No one is forcing you.

I'm not taking part in the teachers gift thing either. We're making our own gifts for the teachers. I don't feel comfortable parting with £10 and letting someone else choose the gift.

We also have shared email addresses in the class so we can remind each other of upcoming events and class events. I don't see the problem with doing that.

TenToWine Tue 02-Jul-13 17:30:52

At both schools by DCs have been at, one of the parent reps has put together a class contact list including mobiles andemail addresses. No obligation to include your details but everyone does and I find it very useful, particularly because I am not at the school gate that often so otherwise hard to arrange things. Didn't realise it is unusual.

FunLovinBunster Tue 02-Jul-13 17:26:06

I'm happy for DD to write the girls a card, have teacher take a photo of the girls etc but a leaving gift? Fuck the actual fuck off.

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