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To not want to go to the party?

(15 Posts)
ariane5 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:30:58

DB will be having a party for all those who could not attend his wedding earlier this year (it was short notice and far away).

We have been invited, it is about an hours drive away so not really too far but I really can't face going. I get on very well with db and really want to see him but the practicalities of it seem too difficult.

Dm and dsis also invited but dm having an op next week so cannot go. As we would have an extra seat in car we are expected to take dsis (she has health problems so I'm anxious about the possibility of her being ill and me having to deal with it).
Ds1 suffers from horrendous car sickness, ds2 screams if a car journey exceeds 15mins and dd1 and Dd2 have health issues too that make things stressful/difficult.

The sheer amount of medication/food etc we would have to take just seems like too much hassle to pack etc.

Dd1 has a phobia of dogs and there will be two huge dogs there as well which would cause her to scream and get hysterical.

I feel so bad. I couldn't go to the wedding and I can't see how we can go to this party either. I do want to see db and sil but the thought of it just makes me panic and I know how stressful it will all be.
I feel bad for db as yet again none of our family will be attending something that is impotant to him.

I just don't think we can go. AIBU?

OwlinaTree Sun 30-Jun-13 22:34:04

Is there any possibility that you could just go and leave your children with your partner?

ariane5 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:40:13

I don't think I could, I don't drive and ds2 is still bf, he can go a good 6-8 hours without a feed if he has to but tends to get grumpy.

If I went alone it would mean getting the train I think which would add quite a bit to the journey so by the time I got there I'd probably have to leave soon after due to ds2!

I just feel guilty as noboby went to the wedding from our family either.

OwlinaTree Sun 30-Jun-13 22:44:52

Humm maybe just you and ds2 then? Could anyone help you out with collecting you from the station at the other end? Could your partner do something fun with the other 3 so they don't feel they are missing out? Would your brother mind if a kindly driving friend came along as a sort of plus one instead of your partner?

ariane5 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:50:28

I don't know of anybody who could help with a lift but it could be a possibility to go with ds2. I suppose at least if I got a train he wouldn't have to be strapped in like in a car (he screams and makes himself sick he detests journeys more than 15mins).

I just feel like I should go but things are always so complicated! Db is always so nice and I know he would understand if we didn't go but I would feel bad for him as yet again he has no family at an event that's important to him.

OwlinaTree Sun 30-Jun-13 22:52:24

It is complicated, i really hope you manage to get there somehow to celebrate with your bro.

DIYapprentice Sun 30-Jun-13 22:53:26

Knowing your DC's and DSis' conditions and how much you have had to deal with recently I would say no, don't go.

You've got enough stress on your plate, Ariane, you really don't need anymore.

If your DSis really wants to go, then her boyfriend can take her. Your DB doesn't help out with any of the family, so can't exactly complain, can he?!

ariane5 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:55:35


I want to make the effort. Its just hard when something that should be relatively simple is a nightmare.

OwlinaTree Sun 30-Jun-13 22:57:38

Can the sister's boyfriend take you and ds2 if he's taking the sister? If you sit in the back with ds2 might help with the screaming?

DIYapprentice Sun 30-Jun-13 23:00:21

Actually, I don't think that's completely right.

You want to be ABLE to make the effort just like other people do, if only it weren't so damn hard. But you know realistically that the effort required by you is many times greater than would be required by anybody else because of your family's situation.

I think in all honestly you are just wishing you could pack up and go with the ease that other people do.

You can't.

It's terribly sad that you can't, but it is what it is, and realistically you have to do whatever you can to preserve your energy, and sanity. (And that means NOT staying in a car with your sister for hours on end and being responsible for her and your DC at the same time!!!!)

ariane5 Sun 30-Jun-13 23:00:50

Dsis bf can't go as he's working that day, I really couldn't cope with her too!

Db moved away some time ago but he has always been lovely. Years ago when dd1 was a baby and I was single and living at home db would go with me to hospital when dd1 was unwell (quite often). I just feel bad that he seems to be 'forgotten' and I felt dreadful we couldn't make it to his wedding.

ariane5 Sun 30-Jun-13 23:04:44

I would dearly love to just jump in the car with dh and dcs and go to the party with not a care in the world that is true.

In reality it would mean writing lists of what to pack so as not to forget anything, packing food and medication, spare clothes for dcs.
Then, of course all the stress of a journey and not actually getting to relax at the party.

I could go with ds2 but I imagine it would still be difficult.

elQuintoConyo Mon 01-Jul-13 00:34:53

So, your DB lives abroard but will be just one hour away when he comes back to throw a post-wedding party? Is he also going to visit you, DSis and your DM while he's in the UK? If so, I wouldn't go to the party, sad though it will be to miss it. It sounds too stressful and no one is willing to help you.

SquinkiesRule Mon 01-Jul-13 02:09:54

Is it possible to start out really early, stop every 15 or 20 minutes if you need to, to air everyone out, stave off sickness etc.
Motorway rest stops, picnics, etc?

ariane5 Mon 01-Jul-13 02:23:51

He doesn't live abroad, he moved away within the uk. The party will be at his mil's house which is an hour away from where we live.

The wedding was in another part of the uk (about 3hrs from where we are as they wanted to get married whilst on a weekend break).

I suppose it would be possible to stop and start but it would be a very long journey then and I'm not sure if it would be too much to do in a day.Especially after the party when dcs are hot/tired/over excited etc etc. I can just see it all being a bit much.

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