Advanced search

Am I unreasonable to be livid about this?

(149 Posts)
Eliza22 Sun 30-Jun-13 21:46:15

I'm divorced. Ds (ASD/OCD) goes to dad twice a month or, every other weekend. This weekend, he was allowed to sleep in a tent in the garden, by himself, whilst ex husband and partner slept in the house.

I'm so annoyed. Ds is high functioning, more Aspie but, with OCD, has massive anxiety issues. However, SD wanted to do it.

Was that a safe thing to do? He is described in his Statement as being " extremely vulnerable with very poor danger perception".

Facebaffle Sun 30-Jun-13 22:13:09


I wouldn't let any 12 year old sleep outside alone, even though my garden is totally secure.

His dad should have slept outside with him.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 30-Jun-13 22:15:54

From your second post I think YANBU.

I would feel very uncomfortable that your exdh made that kind of decision.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 30-Jun-13 22:17:33

"Have you been reading too many tabloid newspapers"

Are you serious?

Seriously? hmm

Did you read anything about the sons developmental issues.

Have you read too many news papers for fucks sake.

DespicableYou Sun 30-Jun-13 22:19:40

"are there a lot of abductors in the area" IS a ridiculous question.

Presumably to make light of the fact that the OP has mentioned that she doesn't really know the people who live nearby particularly well.

There's a contingent of posters on MN who want to screech that posters are seeing 'a peeeeedo on every corner'.

Most of us just ignore them.

Fairyegg Sun 30-Jun-13 22:20:31

To me the point is he wanted to do it despite his disabilities. His father obviously assessed the risk as minimal. He was fine.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 30-Jun-13 22:23:25

He didnt want to do it despite his disabilities though, he did it to impress his father. And his father should have seen that and reacted accordingly.

pigletmania Sun 30-Jun-13 22:24:44

Totally agree Amber

DespicableYou Sun 30-Jun-13 22:25:02

"To me the point is he wanted to do it despite his disabilities. His father obviously assessed the risk as minimal. He was fine."

His statement says that he is "extremely vulnerable with very poor danger perception".

My 3 year old would want to do it, too. Doesn't mean I'd let her.

crumblepie Sun 30-Jun-13 22:25:44

id be annoyed as he has problems and was alone , be different if a few friends were with him , it couldnt of been much fun for him tbh.

AmberLeaf Sun 30-Jun-13 22:26:00

My son wants to walk home alone from school despite his disability...he will still walk straight out into traffic though, so it isn't safe for him to do so.

If a child has little danger awareness, they need more care than the average NT child of that age [or whatever age]

Seems more luck than judgement that he was fine.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sun 30-Jun-13 22:29:58

Why are you posting?

pigletmania Sun 30-Jun-13 22:30:53

Exactly Amber, people who are disagreeing with op are totally missingth point. He is more vulnerable and much more immature than the average nt child. I agree it's luck really that nothing happened. He did it to impress his father not because he really wanted to

AmberLeaf Sun 30-Jun-13 22:31:37

Odd thing to say Chipping.

piprabbit Sun 30-Jun-13 22:31:59

What would worry me most, is that his dad has a track record for not being reachable when the OPs DS finds himself in a situation beyond his comfort zone and ability to cope. So no, I don't think the dad was reasonable to expect this of his son.

AmberLeaf Sun 30-Jun-13 22:33:27

Baffled at some of these replies. The OP was clear about her sons difficulties in her first post, yet they seem to have been over looked.

AgentProvocateur Sun 30-Jun-13 22:38:26

The dad does not "have a track record of being unreachable" - he was asleep in a bedroom at night, and didn't wake up when his son left the room. That's completely different to not being reachable!

The bottom line is the dad assessed a situation and made a decision for his DS. Whether that's the same decision the OP would have made is irrelevant. It wasn't hers to make on that particular evening.

pigletmania Sun 30-Jun-13 22:38:36

Yes op ds has sn opwill worry more tan th average nt child

pigletmania Sun 30-Jun-13 22:39:48

Agent fpdoes not mean op has to agree and be happy with it!

budgieshell Sun 30-Jun-13 22:42:01

I recently camped out with my children ( one with physical difficulties).
Had to go back to the house for more bedding and two toilet trips. Lighting the torch and getting the zip open isn't the easiest in the middle of the night. Explaining the noises of cats making babies. All in all I would say your son did very well to cope on his own and I think your right to be worried about your ex's judgement. The only problem is there is not a lot you can do about his decisions about his son when your not there.

cornyblend37 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:42:49

his dad should have camped with him

AgentProvocateur Sun 30-Jun-13 22:43:18

No, that's very true. And it's fine to come on here and vent, and OP INBU to be livid, but would BU to go apeshit at her ex.

But she doesn't say that she intended to bring it up with her ex - I just didn't read her posts properly, and made an assumption.

Thingiebob Sun 30-Jun-13 22:43:55


I would be furious and concerned that dad doesn't comprehend his son's needs.

piprabbit Sun 30-Jun-13 22:44:27

So if the DS had a problem, would his dad have woken to help him (he didn't wake in the hotel)? Or would DS have been left in a garden, in the dark, trying to cope?

candyandyoga Sun 30-Jun-13 22:52:58

Yanbu at all and there are lots of silly posts here

dontgowadingin Sun 30-Jun-13 23:07:51

Yanbu .
I would have seen my arse. The father should have bloody well camped with him!

People completely ignoring missing the point that he was SN, 12 and alone. Would they let their 12 year old stay in the house alone over night? Never mind out side !

Why do some posters still insist on pretending that people /children wont and dont come to harm when not properly supervised! Jesus head in sand or what!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now