About popper-inners at my house?(149 Posts)
Unannounced guests. Drop-ins. Surprise visitors.
I just don't like it, never have, never will. My mum knows this. I don't make exceptions for close friends or family. I appreciate a phonecall to let me know of a planned visit, even if it's an hour before. As long as I know you're coming, that's fine.
So my mother drops in unannounced today. I heard the door knocking but was hanging my wet washing out. I decided to ignore as I was still in PJs and wasn't expecting anyone. Instead of leaving, she hammered on the door, then went down the passage at the side of my house and called over my garden wall. She could see me hanging washing out so I had to go and answer. I went to the front door to let her in and she could tell I was pissed off. She said "Sorry about dropping in unannounced, I know you haite it." I said "I do, but it doesn't seem to bother you!" Then she looked really hurt and said "Oh I'll go then" I'm hardly going to let her go after a 30 minute drive over...
I will accept that I have got PMT so am probably a bit grouchy. AIBU though, to not like unannounced visitors? It seems to be a habit on my mum's side of the fam that just "popping in" without warning is fair game and if it is not appreciated, it is the problem of the visitee.
I hate people popping in too. All I require is 15 minutes warning, then if I'm about to hop in the bath, I can say so. PIL used to do this and it drove me potty. They also used to let themselves in if we didn't open the door fast enough. The letting themselves in stopped after I nearly brained FIL with a vase when I thought someone was breaking in. The arriving unannounced stopped a while later, after I think SIL had a word. We usually get a 15 minute warning now, which means we can be dressed and have cleared the toys off the sofa amd hoovered. That way I actually enjoy them being here, and can relax and chat, rather than trying to clean around them and feeling embarrassed.
We rarely put people off, unless we're genuinely in the middle of something, but even then we usually just drop what we're doing. I don't mind changing plans to fit, or putting something off. What really annoys me is the assumption that I can and will. Plan my day for me and I will be awkward and annoyed, leave the decision with me and I'll be in a much more accomodating mood!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
You can all come and pop in at my house , I love it.
if the place is all tidy and i am busy looking like a good parent with happy DCs then popper- inners welcome. i'll even bake a cake.
if not, then i find it very stressful.
As it's not poss to know which is which then popping in must be outlawed.
because it's not poss to turn someone away at the door.
Disclaimer: obviously a friend or relative in crisis is different.
YANBU I hate it.
BIL and wife are particularly fond of this.
They like to come just as DS is napping and wake him up, just before we are going out ("we won't stay long, we'll just have a brew") or just as we sit down for dinner.
It doesn't matter what time any of these things take place, they seem to have the knack for knowing when we are going to do them
I wouldn't mind if they said or did anything constructive when they were here, they slump on the sofa,
drink tea, scoff all the biscuits,
Wife sneers at my messy house and picks bit's off the carpet or dusts with a tissue,
BIL winds the DC up,
Wife bleats about the next big must have purchase,
BIL puts Sky sports on,
Wife tells DC and BIL off for being wound up,
then they bog off to PILs.
We have asked them loads of times to ring before they come so they now sit in the car outside the house and say "are you in? we're coming round"
Grooveychick I would have replied saying "Coincidentally I'm not a mind-reader either, which is why I wasn't expecting you to rock up at my house at a time when most people are either in bed or about to go to bed."
Once when I was in the bath, enjoying my bubbles, somebody kept knocking at the door. It went on for ages. I got kept shouting, I'm in the bath (bathroom was near the front door). The knocking persisted. I shouted to go away. It persisted. I get angry and huffy and stomp out of the bath, open the front door completely starkers and covered in bubbles, looking extremely angry. It was an embarrassed looking chugger. He never came back though
I hate fpeople calling unexpectedly. You've just sat down for dinner, or are about to start watching your favourite programme in your scruffiest PJs, or have the place to yourself for once, and someone knocks at the door. Aaaaagh!
10.20pm???? I refuse to even answer the phone after 9.00pm - let alone have guests round!
You're much nicer than me. I'd have shouted over the fence for her to go home.
oh they give me the rage
mil sil do it all the time
last week my dd was really unwell and didnt want to see anyone which dh told her
sil rang at 10pm and i didnt answer
at 10 20pm she is banging on door then cos i didnt answer she sat outside in her car ringing my
mobile and landline so i text her saying never knock on my door at that time again please my dd is ill ahd she sent a stinking one back saying shes not a mind reader and she will awit my instruction regarding visiting
Mil is a popper inner, we once told her to please not drop in after 6 on a day she mentioned she might come. Sh came after 6 when we were trying to get the dcs to bed and were having an awful time with very poorly ds2. We didn't answer the door so she went round the back, got the spare key and let herself and a load of relatives in and came upstairs! Livid.
Normally I don't mind as long as I know them well enough not to mind the mess but that still fills me with rage!
To prevent the walking in issue we have trained the DCs to lock the front door as soon as DPiL hove into view.
I detest all popper inners apart from my mum and dad. I'd be very sad if my daughter got annoyed with me when i am able to. Otoh I wouldn't be a popper in at my sons, because I'd be the mother in law from hell obviously
I don't mind people dropping in as long as they're happy to take us as they find us
The only thing that really pisses me off is when I'm working. I work from home a couple of days a week and people seem to think that because I'm at home it's not really work so I can stop and drink coffee with them for hours. I have to do 10 hours a week, I want to do those hours while my kids are at school and it's convenient for me, not catching up in the evenings/weekends because people can't respect my working hours.
Glad to see I'm not alone. I have huge anxiety issues and my home is my sanctuary away from people! I hate people turning up unannounced. Thankfully it rarely happens.
Maybe I would feel differently if my house was tidier but I doubt it, especially now I am disabled and frequently look/feel like death and am in my jammies all day.
In theory I don't mind it, in practice I would like notice to hide my washing and run the hoover round - probably because I know my mum would discuss what a mess my house was in with everyone! She is currently under the wonderful misconception that my house is ALWAYS clean and tidy.
I also like the
excuse opportunity to make cakes for me for my guests.
'just walking in' is a hanging offense in my book
seriously, if anyone did that I'd be furious..not that anyone could
I think some folk make the assumption that if you are at home without company you must be at a loose end and in want of company....probably because this is how it is for them and they cant imagine being any different?
I am almost never at a loose end, even if I am doing nothing of any consequence I am doing it in a deliberate way and dont want to be disturbed
I hate it. I'm on ML and my PIL mentioned recently that they were going to pop over a couple of weeks ago
thankfully they didn't. Would have been my worst nightmare if they had. FIL doesn't like breast feeing so I can't do it in front of him and I tend to sit on my sofa with a boob out nearly constantly it seems ATM. So I would have prob had to pull baby off my boob to go and answer the door, then would have had to deal with a grumpy baby who's feed had been interrupted.
Plus they are the type to just walk in. Thank god for our new Yale lock which means they can't!
It was the same here. My DM used to get shouty with the doorbell going every few minutes to see if we were ready to play out again.
I hate popper inners.
Tbh the only person guilty of this is my DB. And if he does pop in, it's usually mid afternoon when he has finished work so not too bad.
I would never do this to anyone. How do you know what their plans are for the day. I like to plan my lovely, long days home alone. lounging around a bit, a nice long bath - can be 2 hours or more, lazy lunch. If someone calls inthen it all goes to pot.
Text or call first people! I don't care who you are. I even like DH to let me know when he is expected home from work. I let him know when I am on my way home also.
Scarletlips - I remember (many years ago now), neighbour kids could not get the concept of a longish Sunday dinner. We would call DCs in to wash & set table. 5 minutes later doorbell rings to see if they have finished yet. The news that they hadnt even sat down yet was greeted with incredulity. This would then be repeated every 5 minutes throughout the hour or so that Sunday dinner took.
I can only assume their dinner was slapped down in front of them the second they were at the table, wolfed down then off again.
Also not a fan.
Particularly of the sort of popper-inner who breezes in and, when you are uncomfortable because you haven't had a chance to tidy up, says something like "It's hard to keep your place tidy when you have kids, isn't it? Don't worry, I don't mind the mess" (thinking she is being all sympathetic and tolerant of me)
I MIND THE MESS! it's just another proof that they think everything is all about them.
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